


Priorities

by DarkwingSnark, Moonbeamcat



Series: Priorities Universe [1]
Category: Penguins of Madagascar
Genre: Comedy, M/M, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-05 21:39:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 83,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1098875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkwingSnark/pseuds/DarkwingSnark, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonbeamcat/pseuds/Moonbeamcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After noticing Kowalski's lack of sleep, Rico decides to do something about it. While a simple event, in its own right, this act of concern sets into motion a new sort of arrangement that the analyst isn't quite prepared for. -Kico: Kowalski/Rico and a side of Skilene: Marlene/Skipper-</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sleepless in Central Park

The sun was setting over the land; New York Central Park Zoo was already navigating the happy children and tourists out of its doors. The Fall winds pick up, sending a chill through Alice as she locked the gates. Oh, it was going to be one of those nights, she knew it. One of those sucky nights where the cold would keep her indoors and stuck in her apartment, rather than out and about. Which meant it would be another night alone, probably sitting in front of the TV and crying into ice-cream as she watched the same re-runs of Golden Girls for the umpteenth time. Alice glared as she stomped away from the gates, and past the penguin habitat as she went to go to her locker and began to pack up for the evening. It was one of those nights, after all, might as well get an early start.

The penguins had watched their keeper walk by, all cute and cuddly as flightless antarctic birds were supposed to be. They smiled their beaky smiles as the redhead stomped onward, not even passing them a glance. The moment she was far away enough, however, their grins disappeared and their vacant expressions gleamed with light and intelligence as the middle penguin, their leader, turned to the rest of his gang.

"Alright boys, enough of that. Good job. Especially nice form from you, Private. Extra cute and double the cuddly, twice as much as usual. I highly approve. Keeps the rest of us on our toes."

The young Private beamed at the compliment, and perhaps blushed a tad, not that you could tell through feathers.

"Thank you, Skipper! I was pushing the cuddly extra tonight, actually."

The team's walking weapons storage unit, Rico, smiled and cast a glance over to their scientist, Kowalski, fully intent on complimenting him on his "cute and cuddly" antics... but he wasn't looking in his particular direction. "Oh."

Instead he gently slapped Private on the back. "Ya man, goo' job."

Unfortunately, "gently" wasn't very gentle at all for Rico, and sent the smaller penguin sprawling.

"Oops. Sorry."

"Not so HARD, Rico," Skipper reprimanded with a chuckle, "don't want to murder the lad. We'll need him to survive to do the whole shindig again tomorrow." He looked over at Kowalski, his smile slipping from his face. "Problem, Kowalski?"

No reply.

"Kowalski?"

Again, no reply as the scientist was apparently lost to his own thoughts. Something that had seemingly been happening more and more as of late. Skipper sighed, before glaring and shouting at the oblivious penguin.

"Kowalski! Mr. Obtuse! YOU OVER THERE, WITH THE FLIPPERS!"

That seemed to be enough to startle the flightless bird from his thoughts, as he saluted his leader, looking onward apologetically.

"Ah, I apologize, Skipper. Is the zoo closed already?"

"'Closed already?' Geez, man! Where have you been? What's on your mind, soldier?"

"Oh, er, nothing of extreme importance." An obvious lie, and one that the rest of the team easily picked up on. "I suppose I'm just tired from the long day, is all. Must have been from trying to keep up with Private's cute and cuddliness...Which was flawless, by the way."

Skipper rolled his eyes. "Yes, we covered THAT already, too. Geez, Kowalski, try and keep up!"

The short team captain made his way to the hatch that lead to their lair, stopping to look back over his shoulder. "I hope you're not TOO tired; after all, you wouldn't want to miss tonight's mission!"

Rico brightened and hacked up a flamethrower.

"No, no, stand down, Rico, no need to heavy artillery for... waaiit for it... Operation: Movie night!"

"Ah man." Well, even if he wasn't going to get to burn anything or blow anything up, movies were cool, too. He put the flame thrower away and followed Skipper down the hatch, followed by Private, who was now sporting a black eye.

"Movie night? Oh, goody! Could I pick the movie? ... Guys?"

The tallest of the penguins sighed a bit melancholically, as he waddled his way towards the entrance to follow suit. A part of him wasn't lying when he mentioned being on the tired side of things. Poor Kowalski had been up all night and all day, his busy mind had kept him up during the late hours of the night- his notes and tinkerings overpowering the need to sleep. Dawn's light had come in from his underwater window, before he had even realized he had worked away his free hours and that his leader would be waking up at any moment to start their early morning drilling. Needless to say, he wasn't quite in the mood for any team bonding- let alone to sit about and do something as useless as watching cinematography. Especially when the sweet siren's call of science was bewitching him to head straight to his lab.

However...he knew Skipper would have none of that. Maybe, just maybe...he could make it through the required two hours and some odd minutes of further establishing their factional unity, in order to sneak away and finish his latest project. Yes...that was a plan, and nobody would be harmed as he casually waited for his fellow teammates to fall into slumber, before going back to his sweet, sweet laboratory.

But those were thoughts for later, to be stored away so he wouldn't be driven to pure madness from anticipation. And with that, he plopped down onto the hard concrete of their home, as he made his way to the rest of the group.

"Movie you say? And what, may I ask, are we partaking in this evening? Action? Scifi? Comedy? Romance?" The last bit made him smile as Kowalski recalled walking in, one time, to see his fellow team members sobbing over one of the most feminine amorous chick flicks of the century. He chuckled silently to himself before going on. "Or are we treating Private and allowing him to watch one of those animated films he is so fond of?"

Before Skipper could respond, Private piped up, suddenly holding a DVD case, which sported an overly colorful teenaged girl on the cover.

"Oh, the last one, pick the last one! We could watch "Lunacorn Ladies", it's new! It's not so bad, when you get over the idea of lunacorns being humans..."

Skipper plucked the DVD from his flippers and tossed it away. Private frowned.

"Well, that seemed a bit unnecessary..."

"Sorry Private, tonight's all about suspense! Drama! Romance." he punctuated the last word by raising the eyebrows he didn't have.

Rico decided to add to the notion, turning to Kowalski and waggling his non-existent eyebrows at him. He never meant anything by it... probably... but he did enjoy watching Kowalski's disturbed reaction whenever he did it. In fact, that was the only thing that had ever made Kowalski make that face. He guessed the scientist had seen enough weird things in his life to make him immune to most oddities. "Ooooh, roma- hey! Romance? ..." his stomach gave a gurgle of protest.

"The Titanic? That doesn't sound too bad! It even has a big boat on the cover!" Private chirped from across the room, inspecting the DVD case as Skipper fed it into the player.

"The Titanic?" Kowalski gave Skipper a look, as he had a flipper lazily pointed towards Private's general direction. "Are you sure that's the wisest idea, sir? I mean...it gets pretty intense."

"Intense-shmence! It'll be good for him! Now stop your worrying and plop your kiester down, man. Time to get our movie-going on."

The tallest penguin rolled his eyes as he trekked over to the others, trying to locate the perfect spot to carry out his leader's orders. The only place that seemed marginally free was the end next to Rico. Merely shrugging, the scientific analyst sat himself down, as the head penguin jumped up and popped the disk into the DVD-player. Kowalski actually managed a smile as his companion lifted the corner of the cover he was under, asking if his friend wished to get warm as well.

"Well…" It wasn't an especially cold night. And even if it was, it wouldn't have been enough to effect a bird that was used to surviving much harsher climates than that of New York. However, after seeing the look on his companion's face, he couldn't help but smile a little as he gave into that almost puppy-dog expression. "Alright. Why not? No harm in a little comfort and warmth. Thank you, Rico, for the offer."

Skipper had been right; it sure was suspenseful! The explosives expert was in such suspense, wanting to know when something was actually going to happen in the movie. So far, nothing had blown up, no cars had been overturned, and no one had been maimed or brutally beaten. At least the "romance" had been kept at a tolerable level. Still, Rico couldn't help but let out a yawn, followed by guttural mumbling to himself, something about a "sissy movie".

Private seemed enthralled by the picture, however, and Skipper seemed to be enjoying it well enough. Stealing a glance at Kowalski, he seemed to be focused on it pretty intently... or on something, anyway.

Fine. So he was the only one unimpressed with the night's movie choice. He glared at the TV screen, hoping something would explode soon.

Rico, admittedly, couldn't help but snicker at the scene where the female lead human was completely naked, while the main male lead….He wanted to say his name was "Fabio". He looked like a Fabio- though admittedly he hadn't been paying too much attention to names one way or the other. Still, he laughed as Fabio sketched the nude woman, as he saw Skipper shield the young Private with a flipper.

"Woah! Not meant for young eyes!"

"What is it, Skipper? Why can't I see?"

"Not until you are older, lad! This is on a need to know bases, and I say you don't need to know!"

Sadly the scene didn't last too long, and the humor was yet again zapped and drained from the movie as Rico was, yet again, bored out of his mind. He did jerk his head to the side as he suddenly heard Kowalski mumbling something or another under his breath. He tried to block out the boring movie as he tried to focus on the taller penguin's words.

"Mumble mumble mumble, particle acceleration. Mumble mumble mumble, maybe with a few additional tweaks…"

Rico smirked; he knew he couldn't have been the only one bored to manly tears over the movie. It was soon replaced by an irritated frown, however. He glared, thankfully, metaphorical, daggers at his teammate, not that it did any good while Kowalski was taking another trip to science-y la-la land. Not that he was annoyed at the movie being interrupted, oh no, anything was better than this garbage, even nonsensical science babble. It was the fact that science was the ONLY thing his fellow flightless companion could ever think about, often forgetting to do other, necessary, things, as well. Such as eating, occasionally bathing (although Rico had to admit the mixture of fish, various chemicals, and from time to time, slightly burnt feathers wasn't a BAD scent...),

and sleeping.

It was wise that Kowalski always waited until Skipper was sleeping to sneak off to his lab; if their leader had known how little shuteye the guy was getting... well, Rico didn't know what, but he was sure it would involve a lot of yelling.

But both Rico and Private had noticed him sneaking off, more than once. Private asked him once, as he was tiptoeing away to his lab one night, where exactly he was going, even though he most likely knew. The voice had startled the scientist, who had let out a cry, immediately slapping both flippers over his own beak to stifle the sound, eyes darting over to Skipper, who thankfully just rolled over, mumbling something about otters in his sleep. He then hushed Private, spewed off some explanation of what he needed to do, most words unknown to Rico, and likely the private, also.

They'd both just gone back to sleep and let him go. Fish gotta swim (and be eaten, man he could really go for some fish right about now), bombs gotta boom, and Kowalski's gotta... um... do whatever it is Kowalski does in that lab. But enough was enough, and it was beginning to become evident the toll it was taking on the tallest member of the team. He seemed to be finding it more and more difficult to focus on anything else, most notably their daily missions and training exercises. Not paying attention in serious situations could get them all seriously injured, failure to uphold his duties could cost them their missions, if he wasn't paying attention, Kowalski could be-

The last thought fanned the flicker of annoyance into a full-out flame of anger. His brow lowered into a dangerous looking glare, the frown deepening into a scowl, and a low grunt escaped his throat. He flicked Kowalski upside his head with the tip of his flipper.

" 'Ay!" he was trying to be quiet, but that was something else in which Rico tended to suck. Skipper threw a half-hearted glance over and shushed him.

Okay, so he'd have to try harder at the 'quiet' thing. But now he had Kowalski's attention, anyway.

"What?" the scientist hissed, rubbing the side of his head where he'd been smacked, returning a decidedly less-dangerous glare.

"You gon' 'tay up 'gain? Aw nigh?"

"Er," Kowalski felt like a deer caught in front of headlights of a moving vehicle. Rico was the muscle on the team for a reason, and it slightly concerned him to see the explosives expert give him that fiery glare. Using the blanket for comfort, he wrapped it around him tighter as he found the will to look away. He muttered low enough so Skipper couldn't overhear, as he replied to the other penguin's question. "Oh...I hadn't quite realized you noticed my nocturnal absences. Apologies if I'm causing concern or worry. But I assure you, my little bout of insomnia isn't anything to fuss about."

The shorter penguin's expression softened, and he sighed loudly, earning another sharp look from Skipper. He hadn't meant to scare him... alright, maybe a little. But not like that.

So he couldn't scare the guy to sleep. Rico, options? No, no, that wasn't his schtick. He was just the explosives guy. Maybe he could blow up Kowalski's lab? Then he'd HAVE to sleep, right? Kaboom! Kapow!

"Muhahaha..."

...No. His lab had blown up three times last week, and it hadn't changed anything. Rico deflated. If he couldn't fix a problem with explosives or guns, he was out of ideas.

"N'aww..."

Rico yawned again. The weight of the day, the boring movie, and the strain of actually trying to think of a plan on his own, had really caught up with him. He leaned over up against Kowalski, who had most of the covers after wrapping himself up tighter, anyway, and tried watching the movie again, from behind sleep-heavy eyelids.

"Okay, 'oo win."

Let him mess up a mission! LET him get yelled at and punished by Skipper! See if HE cared!

... Why did he care?

Kowalski stiffened in alarm from the sudden contact, not quite used to having his personal bubble popped. Thankfully, years of being on a team had helped to calm the anxiety as he felt his muscles relaxing and allowing himself to lean back against the weight as well. The scientist looked down at Rico from the corner of his eyes as his mind began to race with systematic ponderings once more. Heat, like the heat felt between the two warm bodies of the penguins was an energy of its own. And it seemed this train of thought was just the sudden inspiration he needed. What if instead of speeding up the lithium particles, which he had intended to do in one of his current alloy experiments to see how the change in speed of an atomic structure would change the state of the element, what if he used the melting point of six hundred degrees Celsius to carry out electrolysis? Why, think of all the uses he could...use, you know...for…

Kowalski looked down at Rico once more, who's heat had been the sudden inspiration, was becoming a double edge sword as the warmth kept drawing the scientist away from his thoughts. Rico, who was pretty much a wall of muscle compared to the others, was really quite...soft. Kowalski shook his head as he tried to focus, and have his mind stay on track before he lost the breakthrough.

Right...So melting points of lithium, blah blah blah, six hundred degrees Celsius...Though, that would be for lithium chloride, wouldn't it? Which was actually a completely different element altogether, though that in itself had many different uses! The salt like quality was actually absorbent and could be used to absorb ammonia- which had quite a high toxicity and might actually be useful in the field if they were up against a gas bomb using the substance. It could even be used to neutralize the gas...Now THERE was a thought! And something he was sure even Skipper would encourage the taller penguin into completing the task! And then he wouldn't have to worry about upsetting the team with his obsession with his lab, since he would be applying his science to a greater good! Something that would help out the team! And...and…

And WOW was Rico really really soft. Kowalski felt his eyes droop in the slightest as he felt his mind calm down, something he hadn't felt for many many days now. The scientist shook his head, trying to keep himself awake. NO. He mustn't sleep! Not now! Not when he was OH so close to his breakthrough! He merely had to stay up and wait for the others to sleep so he could work on it!

Kowalski's rhythmic breathing and warmth was enough to end the battle with his eyelids, as they finally became too heavy to keep open. He could still hear the movie in the background... and oh, Skipper saying something. Probably about the movie.

Rico's own breathing evened out and he snuggled in closer, not awake enough to contemplate which personal bubble rules would be broken in doing so. The voices on the TV became the droning of a fighter jet, the soft heartbeat from his companion, the wonderful sound of a time bomb ticking down the seconds to destruction.

Thud-thud-thud-tick-tick-tick-tick...

A genuine smile stole across the beak of the slumbering storage unit, as he stood on the threshold between dreamland, and reality.

The snuggling was enough to jolt some life into the scientist, as his head snapped down to look at Rico nestled closely to his side. Kowalski raised a brow as he looked at his companion quizzically, still not quite sure why the explosives expert had chosen him for his makeshift pillow. Yet...as the alarm of his personal space being interrupted faded once again, Kowalski couldn't help but give a soft smile. While the penguins were trained in the art of cute and cuddly, a skill highly needed to help them keep their cover from the humans, it was actually rare for the team to initiate anything close to the act in their off-time. And while this wasn't exactly the conventional definition of charming...The way Rico's tongue poked out from the corner of his beak, as his tired eyes fought to stay open...Dear Theodosius Dobzhansky , Rico was...downright adorable.

Kowalski, despite his better judgment, found himself wrapping a flipper around his tired friend, soothing him in his semi-state of slumber. He leaned down, some humor in his voice, as he whispered to the other penguin. "You know Rico, you are allowed to fall asleep. If it helps you relax in the slightest, I can keep you updated on when the film starts to become more exciting. You still have about thirty more minutes until the, ah...'action' picks up anyway. And I don't blame you for finding the human mating habits to be quite...well, for lack of a better word, 'tedious'. Much too overly complicated, like most mammalian copulation rituals."

Kowalski chuckled to himself as he realized he was getting off topic. He decided to get to the point. "Yes, but I'm rambling. The point being...I'll wake you up when people start meeting their demise. I know you find immense satisfaction in it, after all."

The shadows of dreamland vanished as Kowalski's whispering startled him back into the real world, and he shot up straight.

"HAH?! I'm 'wake!... Oh."

What had he said? Something about human mating and demise? Was that going to be in the movie?

"Yeah okay. Way' me uh' when it geh' good."

He didn't remember his friend complaining about being a pillow, so he became one again, as Rico relaxed again, slumping up against him once more, a peaceful half-sleep quickly fogging his mind again.

Kowalski, keeping his promise, looked up at the screen to gage just where they were at in the film. With some quick estimation, he figured out just how long he would allow his friend to slumber before anything close to historically accurate began to happen. Though, if the explosives expert was that exhausted and required an early bedtime, maybe it was for the best that he broke his agreement. The stout penguin had certainly entertained the crowd by swimming multiple laps around the base earlier that evening, and even received a few laughs as he drenched a child that had been making faces at him. The scientist smiled as he recalled the scene- Rico's insane giggles were infectious, as he looked so pleased to see the young human's whole upper body dripping and humiliated.

The taller penguin looked down at the head practically nuzzled under his beak, from the corner of his eye. No...as much as he felt his friend deserved his rest, he knew he couldn't break his promise. Rico would have been disappointed to find out he had slept through the large dense mammals all running around in a panic, as their ship plunged most of them to their early natatory demise. While not quiiite his preference of facetiousness...Kowalski did know it was his destructive friend's comedic palate. And the poor guy, he did just suffer through two hours of vapid narrative- it would be a shame to deny him of such a reward for his patience.

Kowalski looked back up at the screen in time to see more of the romantic plot between the leading male and female humans. Ah, l'amour…In all honesty, the subject of love left a bit of a bitter taste in his beak-and an ache in his chest- as he recalled his own failed affairs. While he was, undoubtedly, a bird of science...he would admit, though never aloud, that he was prone to having extreme bouts of irrational emotions. From panicking when a situation didn't go his way to yelling at the top of his lungs, in anger, as other animals pushed him over the metaphorical edge...The taller penguin was indubitably a lot more excitable and less composed than he would have preferred being. And when it came to his love life...Who was he kidding when he knew he was just as bad, if not worse. Why, he had lost count of the times he had unwittingly found himself made stupid and inane over his feelings for a certain aquatic mammal...with the most beautiful of gray rubbery flesh, the utmost angelic voice that sung with every syllable uttered, and perfect flippers that showcased her strength and swimming abilities. Oh, and how could one forget about those eyes! Sapphires that gleamed in the light and always put the scientist's brilliant mind in a hypnotic trance just by looking at him…

Those same eyes that constantly showed pity and regret as she insisted that friendship was all that could ever occur between them both.

Kowalski shook his head lightly, bringing himself back to reality. Yes, there was no need to go over how much his affection for Doris had plagued him with a roller coaster of emotions. How he had not only spent hours, if not days or weeks, blubbering like an idiotic fool into his pillow- not much use to anyone, let alone himself. Nor could one forget how his love had made him mad and desperate, as he had even gone far enough to break his morality and taint his precious science to use it to create devices that altered someone's amorous inclinations. No, the scientist need not be reminded of Doris and what she turned him into. Even outside of her….Kowalski shuddered as he realized his last kiss was with a disturbed- if admittedly ingenious- hen, after he had wooed her under false pretenses. And while he wouldn't say the kiss was bad, per say… the tallest penguin was romantic just as much as he was an analyst. Even if he had to admit her brains were practically radioactive- oh baby, was a smart woman HOT- he could never be with someone who used their gifted mind for nefarious intentions.

The flightless bird sighed, sometimes having a brain that loved to analyze and create connections was the biggest of downfalls. Kowalski's gaze returned to the screen with a small glare, as he bitterly watched the two happy humans in love. Luckily their love wasn't going to last too much longer, he recalled with a smile, as the taller penguin remembered that their romance didn't end as picturesque as they had hoped, either. Yes, no fictional morons deserved to be happy when he- so suddenly- felt beyond miserable.

Meanwhile-while asleep and in the throws of his dream- Rico's jet came in low, pulling up at the last second, dodging enemy missiles by mere inches, as they made contact with the ground below instead, exploding in a shower of dirt and gravel. The psycho bird grinned manically as the sky came back into view, and made a sharp turn, spinning around- intent on charging the enemy planes head on. His foes in sight- his own missiles locked on target- he was on a collision course with destiny.

A low cackle, weapons fired, oh no! He pulled out too late! His aircraft began to shake, he was hit, he-

Was being shaken awake. Oh.

"Ah man, I a'mos ha'um..."

"Sorry to disturb you, Rico," the said bird looked up to meet the voice that was whispering loud enough for only him to hear, "but I did reassure you that I would alert you once the people were about to find themselves in extreme peril at the hands of fate's cruel sense of ironic injustice."

"...wha?"

The explosives expert saw the taller penguin roll his eyes, as he pointed a flipper at the screen. Kowalski tried to look as deadpan as possible, as he muttered to his companion next to him.

"To simply put it: 'they dead.' Or nearly, as the case technically is."

Rico's sleep-foggy gaze followed the flipper to the television screen. Oh, yeah, movie. But now it was getting better; he could tell because there was screaming. His eyes widened as people began plummeting over the sides of the gigantic sinking vessel, some bouncing off of other things before hitting the water, and holy codfish that was funny!

"Ohohoh, heh heh heh! Boing! Splat! Hahaha!"

The wait had definitely been worth it.

"You see, boys, that is exactly why you never underestimate a threat, no matter how small and insignificant they may seem at the time." Skipper commented. Private peeled his horrified gaze from the screen long enough to reply,

"Because their unsuspecting tininess might actually be hiding something very large and dangerous just beneath the surface?"

"What? No! Because you might get distracted and hit an iceberg. Come on, were you even PAYING attention to the movie?"

"I'll admit I started paying less when the screaming started..." mumbled Private, peeking around his flippers at the gruesome scene. " S-Skipper, all of those people were alright, weren't they? You know, in the end..."

"Haha! Of course not, Private! Ooof course not." their leader chuckled, patting the youngest recruit on the back. The youthful penguin looked like he was going to start crying, when Skipper sighed. "Oh, none of that blubbering, soldier. It's only a movie. I'm sure all the people were fiiiiine."

Private sniffed, already starting to smile once again.

"Truly, Skipper?"

"Well, " Kowalski interjected as he rubbed his chin with a flipper, "technically the Titanic WAS a real cruise ship that had only one voyage, after it met its annihilation at the - figuratively speaking, that is- hands of the iceberg. So, while these ARE actors, there really were people who-"

"Lived to be perfectly all right! All the glitterati went home, clanked their sissy champagne bottles together, and then rode their pretty ponies around their big fancy-shmancy mansions." The leader gave the analyst a warning look, daring him to challenge his words. "Isn't that RIGHT, Kowalski?"

"Er...Yes. Of course. That is precisely how the events occurred, sir."

Private looked between his two friends with a smile. It didn't seem likely that guy was okay and went home to ride his pony, after ricocheting off of the hull like that, but Skipper wouldn't lie to him. He nuzzled his Lunacorn close and whispered, "It's alright, Self Respectra, this really is a happy-ever-after story! Even if that guy is going to have quite the lump on his noggin in the morning after that one..."

Rico gave an unimpressed side glance to the little penguin. Skipper really coddled that kid sometimes. "Oh gimmuh break..." he mumbled, with a roll of his eyes.

An hour of people dying would have grown old for anyone other than the psychotic penguin, who was bouncing slightly in excitement after all of that action, a wide grin on his face. Some people got away, which was good, he guessed, or at least he felt he should want that to be the case, being a "good guy", and all. He caught the Skipper giving a salute, as the ship's captain went down with his vessel, and he could have sworn he saw a tear roll down his cheek. Not that he'd ever mention seeing it.

Things were slowing down now, the excitement high he'd been on ebbing away. Oh look, there was the happy couple, this was the part where they float away into the sunset to do whatever it was human mates did, how romantic, how boring. Except mister man didn't look so good, and now he was... sinking. He was...

"Ohh...Way, wha?!" Humans could die from a little bit of cold water? Well, that was unexpectedly sad. Rico found himself reaching for his doll and holding her close, eyes sorrowful, his beak drooped in a pathetic frown.

The sorrowful expression remained throughout the rest of the movie, when the floodgates opened as the lovers were reunited on the other side. He quickly upchucked a handkerchief and blew his nose holes and wiped his eyes, before offering it to his girl, who politely declined it with a plastic smile.

Kowalski felt like he was emotionally disturbed from the satisfaction he felt from the final scene, rather than the sadness or sense of poetic beauty from the portrayal of death that the film was trying to provoke. The tallest penguin was pleased with the credits started to roll-finally! He looked over at the clock, noting the time. Oh dear Einstein! No wonder it had felt like the longest movie in existence- the darn picture was over three hours long! That was...that was a hundred and ninety-five minutes wasted when he could have been developing his latest project! Oh, the shame of it all! Oh the-

...Wait, was that the sound of sobbing uncontrollably?

Kowalski whipped his body to the right, nearly hurting his back in the process. That was when he noted his team was in a bit of tears.

"Er...are you all okay?"

"Have you no heart, man?!" The leader bellowed, even as he tried to cover up his sadness by turning the tables on the scientist. "You just witnessed the destruction of thousands of innocent civilians, and you aren't even phased in the slightest!"

Private frowned.

"But Skipper, I thought you said they were all going to be all right?"

"They are. Peachy keen." Skipper pointed a flipper over at the tallest penguin. "That doesn't change the fact it was still sad to see, nor the fact Kowalski here has a heart of stone.'

Kowalski merely rolled his eyes as he looked at his friend next to him, still sobbing. He sighed as he slowly wrapped a comforting flipper around the explosives expert. However, Kowalski was startled when Rico turned towards him and tightly hugged the scientist as he continued to cry.

"Er, " the penguin began, feeling beyond awkward, "there there, Rico. It's quite all right. It's merely a movie. No real humans were harmed in the making of it, and the main male mammal walked away perfectly unscratched and unharmed. I assure you."

Although logic and reasoning rarely did much to comfort a penguin like Rico, sheer exhaustion seemed to do the trick. Or perhaps it was the warmth and comforting flipper that had been offered, but either way, he gave one last, decidedly disgusting snort, the waterworks finally letting up. A part of him wanted to keep his hold on Kowalski, calmed but unwilling to give up the warmth and comfort just yet. The faint sense of unease given off by the scientist made him let go, however, quickly scooping up his doll, who had previously been forgotten on the floor beside him, and hugging her instead.

" Yuh, 'mokay now."

Skipper seemed better now, too, as he was shutting down the television, and Private was already heading towards his bed, his lunacorn doll snug in his flippers. Rico stood and decided to take his lead.

But first he set Mrs. Perky down in the corner, giving her a smooch good night. Maybe some day she'd share his bed, but not until she was ready.

En route to his sleeping quarters, Rico stopped as he noticed Kowalski was standing, looking antsy, agitated, impatient, not one bit like he was planning on going to bed. The storage unit sighed and grumbled something that sounded like they meant to be words, but just didn't make it.

"Ay! Bed?" he asked, pointing to Kowalski's empty bed.

The scientist flinched; so lost in his own world, that the loud and sudden demand for him to head towards his sleeping quarters caused the tallest penguin to jump and squeal from fright. Kowalski, after calming his racing heart, looked over at the explosive's expert as he tried to talk his way out of the order.

"'Bed'?" Kowalski repeated, fumbling his flippers as he felt slightly nervous from the glare of the other penguin, " Ah, er, you see...I'm not exactly tired yet. Brain is much too active, as of right now, and I do believe I require some time to wind down on my own before I can even think about heading to sleep. You know how it is. BUT- and I must stress this- I do plan on going to bed really soon. Promise! ...For the most part, anyway."

Rico frowned and gave him a tired, unimpressed stare. After a moment he waved a flipper at him dismissively and grumbled.

"Ah 'right, ah 'right." before trudging over to his own bed, out like a light and snoring seconds after hitting the bunk.

Kowalski, meanwhile, didn't have to wait much longer before Private and Skipper turned in for the night, also. "Finally!" he whispered to himself, slipping into the comforting recesses of his lab, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Hours later, on the brink of early morning, there was a garbled cry of fear and Rico tumbled from his sleeping place, landing on the floor with a dull thud. Still panting, heart still racing, the startled penguin sat up and listened intently to the sounds of the night. He could still hear the clinking and whirring noises his plane had been making in the dream that had awaken him.

"Hah? Weird..."

Eventually the sleep fog lifted enough for Rico to realize the sounds were coming from Kowalski's lab, and growled. Getting up and stomping over to the lab door, he wrapped a flipper around the handle and yanked the door open, surprised it hadn't been locked. He glared into the chemical-scented gloom.

"K'WALSKI!"

Said genius had been hard at work- goggles covering his eyes as he mixed chemicals and wrote down the results- and had not noticed that Rico had been standing in the door, or opened it at all, really. However, the moment the brutish penguin squawked out his name, Kowalski gave a shrill cry of alarm, as he fumbled and dropped his beaker onto the concrete floor. The flightless bird jumped back in surprise as the bright red liquid ate away at the solid surface. Kowalski whipped his head to the side to see just who had disturbed him from his precious science.

"Rico?! What...what in name of Marie Curie were you doing startling me like that?!" He waddled closer, glaring as he waved his flippers wildly. "Do you have any idea what that was? Nitrohydrochloric acid! Aqua regia, Rico! That...Look at it! Look at what it can do! I am operating with highly hazardous synthetical compounds, here. Just one slip, one splash...and I could have been a pile of melted penguin goo!"

Kowalski finally came beak to beak with his muscular teammate, as his poked a flipper on Rico's chest. "You. Have. No. Idea!" The tallest penguin sighed as he realized he was getting out of hand with his anger. He sighed before taking off his goggles as he looked down at his friend with regret. "I'm sorry, I suppose I got a bit out of control there. Do forgive me, long night. Now, tell me Rico, what was so important that you felt the need to nearly give me a heart attack and turn me into slime in the process, hmm?"

The shorter penguin stood there staring, wide-eyed, beak open but frozen into a stunned silence. He certainly hadn't been expecting that, although he probably should have. Disturbing Kowalski in his lab was never known for being a good idea.

"Uh... peh'gin goo? Eww."

Rico eyed the hole in the floor instead of looking at his fuming teammate, as his mind argued with itself about what to do now. His original plan was to burst in here and DRAG the scientist to bed, and part of his brain was still intent on doing just that. And yet the other part of his unhinged mind kept him frozen to the spot; he'd been yelled at. He felt guilty and he didn't know why.

But his original plan won out this night, as he shook his head to clear away all traces of guilt and wanting to cry like a little hatchling. Tuff Dude mode, activated!

"Nuh-ah! 'Oo nee't-go 'ah bed!" and with that, Rico lunged at Kowalski, scooped him up off the floor, and above his head, and spun around to exit the lab with his captive.

Kowalski screamed like a little girl as he was tackled to the ground, and he writhed and thrashed as he was thrown over the aggressive avian's back. Rico barely seemed phased as he traversed out of the lab, heading towards the bunks. The closer they came to the rest of the team, the quieter the scientist became as he whispered his protest in a harsh tone.

"Rico, put me down! Look, I appreciate what you are trying to accomplish here- truly- but I can't sleep yet! I finally made a breakthrough! Rico? Are you even listening? Rico! My...My lab!" The tallest penguin began to whine, " Ricoooo. Seriously! Don't you hear it? That maddening hum in the very air? It's my baby! Oh, my sacchariferous inamorata of science just beckons me with her seductive calls. I don't wanna leeeeeave!"

The weapons guru actually paused and tilted an ear hole and listened for a moment. Nope. He didn't hear anything.

"Nope."

He hoisted the tall penguin up into his bunk, and stood there glaring, his flippers crossed over his chest, as if DARING him to leave.

Kowalski would admit he dared pushing the laws of physics, he dared testing how the world functioned and turning it upside down as he manipulated science to do his bidding. However, as crazed as the scientist could be… He did not dare to challenge just what Rico would do in order to keep him from his laboratory.

Kowalski sulked as he sighed heavily. He looked away from those deep determined blue eyes, as the analyst tried reasoning with the explosives expert once more.

"I...don't think I can possibly relax my mind enough to actually sleep, Rico." He found the courage to look back at his companion, as he felt a melancholic wave hit him as he explained his problem. " Sometimes...no matter what I try, I can't get my illustrious brain to stop thinking. Every second, every single moment...there is an equation that needs to be solved, an invention that begs for me to breath life into it. Ideas constantly flowing into the next one and into the next one and then the one after that. I...enjoy the constant drone and purr of activity. That is...during the hours of the day."

Kowalski twiddled his flippers as he felt nervous sharing something as personal as his problematic lifestyle. "Night, however, is quite a different story. There are times when my insomnia gets so bad that I'll go days without sleeping. And i know it's awful for me. What sane man….or penguin, as this case may be, WANTS to go on and on until his body shuts down on him? And I can't deny my own obsession doesn't help the case any either. But I've tried everything I can think of. I've tried a warm glass of milk, boring myself to tears...Why, once i even concocted a sleeping serum of my very own….Unfortunately it worked too well and I didn't wake up until a week later.

"You see, Rico, " the scientist paused as he mulled over his worriment; he shook his head as he smiled bitterly, " you may take me from my lab…But I won't be able to fall asleep. All that will occur is me spending the next few hours staring into the dark. At least in my lab I can remain productive with my insomnia."

Rico frowned and slumped. Yeah, he'd remembered the sleep serum incident. A week without the ideas guy on the team had been disastrous.

Not all of Kowalski's words registered to Rico, but he understood enough to know what he was talking about, and he felt genuine concern for his teammate. He looked toward the lab again and considered just giving up and allowing him to return to his - or he could just hork up a mallet and-

No, Kowalski might not wake up at all from that one.

Well this was frustrating. Rico was not the ideas guy, he never was, he never wanted to be. He let his frustration known with a low growl, followed by inane babbling that meant nothing to anyone but Rico himself, flippers on his temples and eyes tightly shut.

Why was sleeping so hard for him? Kowalski was the smartest animal Rico had ever known, and yet he couldn't do something as simple as sleep? Sure, he himself had been known to stay out all night with friends, but that was because he'd WANTED to! Sleeping was easy. All he needed was a place to sleep, any place would do, his teddy, and...

Rico's eyes shot open, he grinned, idea! Of course, Kowalski just needed a teddy. He eagerly reached into his own bunk and pulled out his bear, and held it out to his friend... who just gave him a quizzical look... and he frowned. Not from the look he received, but... if he gave up his teddy, then HE might not be able to sleep.

So they'd just have to share it, then.

Shoving the stuffed toy into Kowalski's flippers, perhaps a bit too roughly, Rico climbed in, half on top of the mad genius, due to the limited space, without a second thought. Wrapping a flipper around both the penguin and the teddy, he whispered, "'night."

Kowalski gave a shrill yelp of surprise as his teammate suddenly climbed up on him and into his space, he placed a flipper over his beak to silence himself- last thing he wanted was for Skipper to awaken and see the both of them in a compromising situation. It took a moment for the scientist to find his voice- every part of his body frozen up and would not relax. When the taller penguin could finally articulate, he flinched again as he hated how piercing his voice was on his ears.

"Rico," Kowalski cleared his throat, allowing his normal deeper tones to return to him, " what...what are we doing?"

Beside him, Rico opened his eyes and gave him a questioning look. What were they doing? Wasn't it obvious?

"Ah... s'eeping?"

He lifted the teddy, making it hop up and down a few times on the scientist's chest, before having it fall over, providing loud, exaggerated snoring sounds to complete the mime.

The shorter penguin peered up at his friend with a hopeful smile.

"'Sleeping?'" Kowalski echoed in confusion, letting the thought wash over him with a frown. The analyst felt like all his senses were heightened as he felt his companion's body pulse against him. He blushed as he realized Rico had a leg over him and in-between his thighs. Oh dear lord. The scientist looked away as he tried his best not to notice the weight against him.

"We...Rico, ah...I don't think this is going to work out." Kowalski's gaze landed on the other penguin just in time to see the smile slip off his friend's beak, as a somewhat pitiful expression replaced it. Oh no...not those big droopy eyes-for a living weapon, Rico had the uncanny ability to work the cute factor. Really, it shouldn't have been impossible for a creature of that much brute force and mania to be able to skillfully hone in on the ability-and all by accident! If Rico were to discover just what sort of weapon he had on his hands...Oh, Kowalski shuddered from horror at the mere thought of the things this penguin next to him could possibly get away with! Really, he needed to formulate some sort of way to counterbalance this phenomenon…

Meanwhile, there was the current situation to deal with.

"Ah, th-that is," Kowalski stuttered, trying to find some way to get out of this delicately. On one hand, sweet mother of plutonium, was this beyond awkward! Why, the scientist couldn't believe Rico would see nothing wrong with this! Personal space! PERSONAL SPACE! But, on the other hand...the explosives expert was merely trying to help. And look at that face! He is genuinely worried about him, and in his crazed mind he is only trying to help. Kowalski sighed in resignation, as his own sense of guilt over-powered his urge to try and push his companion away from him. He looked away again as he reached out to grab the offered stuffed animal.

"All right. While I'm not quite sure this will work with my insomnolence… I'm at least willing, i suppose, to give it a shot. No harm in testing it out- trial and error IS the scientific way, after all."

The other flightless bird was grinning again. "Yay, aw right!" was his victory cheer, albeit more of a whisper in their current situation, but even whispers came out gruff and not all that quiet for Rico.

A flipper tightened around Kowalski as Rico cuddled in closer, thinking nothing of it and either completely ignoring or not noticing his new teddy bear's squeak or protest, the strong sense on unease practically radiating from his being. His new teddy was a lot softer, warmer, and comfortable than his other one.

And kind of smelled like fish.

Rico liked fish.

"Okay, goo' nigh'."

"Oh, um, yes," Kowalski uttered quietly, "good night, Rico."

The scientist remained motionless and quiet as he stared at the roof of his bunk. The base hummed with the clicking and beeping of miscellaneous doodads, as well as the sounds of soft breathing as the rest of his team continued to rest. It didn't take long before Kowalski felt Rico relax his hold on him, as he lost all consciousness to the waking world. Even with the grip lessened, the taller bird still couldn't quite find comfort as he was hyper-aware of his surroundings. Even the wind blowing outside their home was deafening on the scientist's audio senses. Not to mention the odd sensation of having another warm living body covering the scientist's whole left side was enough to jar him. Kowalski blushed as he felt Rico shift next to him, the leg between his thighs shifting along with the hefty bird as it sent a shiver up the scientist's spine. Sweet George Levick on the Antarctica planes, how was he supposed to sleep like this?!

'Okay, Kowalski,' the said analyst brooded to himself, ' calm down. Nothing is going on, there is nothing wrong with this...sure, your personal bubble has been popped into a million tiny pieces, and sure, you can feel every little moment and hot air against your feathers and this is beyond awkward by three thousand and seventy-one percent… But consider the plus side! You'll be warm tonight...and if- for whatever paranoid reason that someone like Skipper would devise- an enemy would attack the base in the dead of night...I have a living weapon locked and loaded and ready to fire anything at them. Why, it's like having a bodyguard!'

Thinking with this logic was surprisingly calming, as Kowalski felt his muscles ease and release some of his tension. He smiled as he looked down as Rico's teddy bear, the yellow felt creature stared into the night blissfully unaware of anything and everything. Kowalski ran a flipper over the soft material as he let himself focus on the rhythmic breathing of the much stronger avian. In and out. In and out. Every inhale and exhale was an interval of four seconds in length. And then with every 20th cycle of respiratory exchange, Rico would snuggle closer to his body. It was during that time that he would mutter or laugh in his slumber, his dream- if Kowalski was to make an educated guess- must have been a pleasant one. The scientist looked over at his companion's sleeping face, noting how...peaceful the shorter penguin was in his sleep. His beak was curved in a slight smile, his scar stretching along with it. Whether it was from his sleep deprivation, or his boredom, Kowalski found himself letting go of the stuffed animal as he stretched his flipper out to lightly trace the red line etched into Rico's feathers and flesh. He was taken aback by how...velvety the area was. He didn't know why he was so surprised, it was natural for damaged tissue to have a soft texture.

And yet… Kowalski had a vision of the penguin next to him. He was so used to seeing him as coarse and rough in his manners, that he had assumed Rico would feel chapped and unpleasant to the touch. But even the feathers around the area was pleasing to caress.

"Fascinating," the scientist mumbled to himself.

Rico shifted in his sleep again, causing the analyst to flinch away as he felt embarrassed from his behavior. Oh, right. In most cultures it was considered creepy to touch others while they were unaware and vulnerable in their sleep. This was not a thing two friends did. Kowalski's heart beat faster in his chest as Rico's own flippers traveled down his body, before stopping on his hip. The scientist shuddered as a tingle went up his spine.

'Okay, calm down' Kowalski reprimanded himself again, 'this is nothing. Poor Rico isn't even aware of what he's doing. And you're only getting...um, excited? No, not the right word...Upset? Worked up? Yes! There you go! You're only getting worked up because you aren't used to being this close to anyone. It's nothing to worry about.'

The scientist closed his eyes, trying to see if mimicking the act of sleep would help. Yet again he tried concentrating on Rico, this time the warmth. He imagined the warmth like a red sheet of fabric. First it was only covering the heftier penguin, but as the minutes passed he swore he felt the red warmth creep up his arm and sides. And then it draped itself over his stomach, just like the muscular flipper holding onto him. In no time at all, the red was covering his whole body, as he became one with it. In his mind's eye, he, Rico, and the red were blending and he couldn't tell where one began and the other ended. Kowalski yawned as he felt the internal clockwork of his mind begin to slow down as it was replaced with the orchestra of his own breathing synchronizing up with other penguin. He found himself nuzzling closer himself, as he rested his chin above Rico's head. Kowalski, at last and after many days of going and going and going...finally found peace as he slipped away into the darkness of the night and finally getting the sleep he had oh so needed.

For the first time in ages, Kowalski was mentally and physically at rest.


	2. All Is Fair In Games and War

The morning rays of the sun hit New York in a blaze, the sky turning from black to violet to orange as the light traveled across the city. Most of the citizens were beginning to wake, ready to start their day. Seeing as it was a weekend, most would use it to leisurely do as they pleased-quietly reading the newspaper as they sipped their coffee as they slowly woke up. The animals in Central Park Zoo, however, were a bit on the lazier side as they merely curled away from the sun, trying to get more sleep before people packed the place and they all had to perform for them. Life as a zoo citizen wasn't very demanding, after all.

...Unless you were a flightless bird of the aquatic persuasion.

Skipper's eyes shot open as his internal clock woke him up at the same time he had woken up every day for years. He stretched his flippers, giving a yawn, before back-flipping out of his bunk full of energy and pumped to start the day.

"Alright, sleeping beauties, rise and shine! Get your lazy tail feathers up and out of bed- morning drills won't do themselves!"

The remaining three commando penguins all awoke simultaneously, all of them attuned to the sound of their commander's voice, whether asleep or not; Private, however, was the only one able to hop out of bed right away. Rico and Kowalski struggled in the bunk that was, in truth, a tad too small for two penguins at once, before tumbling out onto the floor in a heap. They tried their best to recover what was left of their pride after that stunt, by quickly climbing to their feet and saluting to Skipper, who looked slightly bewildered.

"What in the name of- Rico! What's wrong with your bunk?" In a flash, the stout commanding bird was up and diligently inspecting Rico's bed. "Is it bugged?"

On the ground, Private shivered. "Bugs? Oh, I hope not... they still give me the willies..."

Skipper looked down sharply. "Not that kind of bug, Private! I'm talking about... ... ... SPIES!"

"Ohhh... well, I suppose that's no good, either, then, is it?"

Skipper hopped down and shook his head. "No, it isn't good. We could all be compromised! ... Again! We'll have no choice but to sink this ship, men, relocate, change our names, our identities, even our genders if necessary..."

And now he was pacing. Kowalski cleared his throat.

"Ah, Skipper? I hate to interrupt one of your paranoid conspiracy theory rants, but Rico's bunk isn't... bugged. It's perfectly fine. Nothing wrong with it at all! No need for anything drastic."

Rico stepped away from the self-destruct button and deflated.

"Aww..."

The skipper stopped pacing and eyed his tallest recruits. "It isn't? Then mind telling me what that was all about?" he gestured to the bunk they'd both fallen out of with a flipper.

"Um, yeah, heh heh, I'cn esplain... ah... K'walski, esplain." Rico nudged the scientist beside him with his elbow.

Kowalski glared at his teammate. "Oh, I see how it is, throw ME under the metaphorical bus!" The scientist sighed before looking back at his leader, who was stomping a webbed foot, waiting for an explanation. The tallest penguine rubbed the nape of his neck, feeling uncomfortable telling Skipper about his problem. "You see, sir, Rico was merely helping me get to sleep. I'm afraid my insomnia has been progressing in intensity and I haven't...well, I haven't been able to relax myself mentally enough to...sleep."

Skipper raised a brow, as he contemplated over what he was hearing.

"Yeah? And just how long have you been having your little problem here, Kowalski?"

"Oh, ah, technically speaking…"

The leader apparently thought the analyst of the team was dawdling way too much, as he interrupted him. He pointed a flipper at the explosives expert demandingly. "I want answers, not pretty padded mumbo-jumbo. Rico! How long?"

Rico looked away from their leader's steely gaze, a look that struck fear and respect into the heart of even the roughest member of the team. He didn't necessarily want to, how did he put it? Run him over with a bus? But he didn't want to run himself over, either, and the Skipper bus was one to be reckoned with.

"Um... I 'unno... coupa'ays?" he replied finally with a shrug.

"Couple of- So THAT explains it! That explains all of it! The staring off into space, the red eyes, the foaming at the mouth!"

Private titled his head in confusion.

"'Foaming at the mouth?' But Kowalski hasn't been-"

"No interrupting, Private! The big boys are talking, and Papa Penguin is reprimanding his brood." Skipper turned back to Kowalski, his scowl intensifying, " You know the number one rule- no secrets from the team! Unless it's classified and/or involving Denmark. And even then you're supposed to inform your superior officer- me! When one man has a problem, it's the team's job to fix it. What if we were on a mission and your sleep-deprived self jeopardized us all? Nuh-uh, not on MY watch, mister!"

"But Skipper," the tallest penguin tried to argue, "you don't understand!"

"I understand well enough, soldier." The avian leader became silent as he put his flippers behind his back and paced the room again. The silence made the others in the room nervous as they watched him mule over something or another. Once in a while he would pause and give the scientist and the explosives expert a quick glance, before muttering under his breath. Finally, he paused as he turned back to his team. "So...did whatever Rico end up doing finally get you off to never neverland on a puff of pixie-dust? That is to say, did it work?"

Kowalski looked at Rico from the corner of his peripheral vision, as he tried to articulate his thoughts delicately. He cleared his throat. "Well… it was uncomfortable at first. But, I suppose I did eventually fall asleep. So...Mission accomplished?"

Skipper nodded, before smiling smugly. "Oh? Then that's that. Alright, boys, here's how this is going to go down. Until you can get your sleep apnea-"

"Insomnia, " the scientist corrected.

"Apnea, insomnia, hokey-pokey syndrome- doesn't matter what we're calling it! Until you get this under control, I say you two keep doing whatever you two were doing. If you guys have to be cuddle-buddies like some sort of hippie couple, so you can catch your winks at night, then so be it! And that's an order, ya hear? Any protests will be heard, but then promptly ignored. Now come on, we're late for our drills! To make up for it that'll be an additional thirty laps around the base. Now move move move!"

* * *

Swimming laps around the base was usually more fun than work, or so thought Rico. He enjoyed swimming circles around Kowalski and Private... well, okay, mostly Private. So an extra thirty laps hadn't bothered him one bit, he was actually quite enjoying himself!

Until the team brainiac whizzed past him, wearing some kind of propeller flippers on his feet he'd apparently invented. It sent a curtain of water up and over Rico, flattening his mohawk and leaving him sputtering. He glared at Kowalski and growled, but the scientist just grinned and waved smugly, as he zoomed past him a second time, now TWO laps ahead of him.

Private was as far over to the side as he could get, as not to be run over. "Skipper! Can he do that?" the young bird whined. Skipper, who was standing on the concrete isle, overlooking his troops, grinned and shrugged.

"He's doing it, isn't he? Frankly, I admire his enthusiasm! ... Besides, it's one of Kowalski's inventions; it'll probably end up exploding or something, just wait for it."

That seemed to make Private feel better.

Kowalski, however, was ignorant to the insults towards his newest creation as he continued to go through his laps in record breaking time. The scientist sped past his fellow racer once more, as he playfully tapped him on the head. Rico turned around in confusion, trying to see what the heck touched him, as he felt a jet of water pulse against the back of his skull. The hefty penguin glared as he saw the backend of Kowalski, as he then turned and threw yet another smug grin his way. Oh no, not cool! The living weapon liked teasing as much as the next guy- and heck, he was one to participate in it too!- but nobody was going to show Rico up in his own element! Forming a simple plan of his own, a crazed grin broke out on his beak as he waited for the inventor to come around again. Rico dodged the egghead penguin as he zoomed by, and then aimed his mouth and regurgitated a grappling hook. The grapnel accelerated through the pool, as it made contact with one of Kowalski's automated flippers. The scientist looked behind him in confusion, as his eyes suddenly widened as the claw and rope wrapped itself around his leg. Following the cord with his gaze, Kowalski cried out in a gurgled surprise- bubbles sputtering out from his beak- as he saw Rico holding onto the end and surfing along with him.

Kowalski didn't even have time to panic, as the lethal lunatic climbed up the line and lept onto the scientist's back. In a manner of seconds Rico had the rope tied around the egghead's middle, making it so the scientist couldn't push the stronger avian off of him. Kowalski watched in horror as the explosives expert retched up a pipe wrench, as he shoved it inbetween the propeller's of the inventor's swimming apparatus. Rico grinned widely as he waved his flipper in farewell, before jumping off of the scientist's back as he cheerfully went back to doing his laps around the pool.

Kowalski, however, only had time to screech, as he spiraled out of control.

'OH SWEET MOTHER OF SCIENCE,' the doomed penguin thought to himself in trepidation, as he was moments away from becoming close and personal with the nearest wall. Mass times acceleration- factoring in the water resistance- equaled to lots and lots of pain as Kowalski crashed head first into the concrete.

And victory over a smug smart guy equalled a chortling Rico, as he backpaddled leisurely around the pool, Kowalski now out of the race completely.

Skipper shrugged to Private, who looked on in horrified silence with his beak hanging ajar.

"Or, that could happen. Alright boys, enough pool games; now the REAL fun begins! C'mon Kowalski, shake it off, soldier!" the squatty commander began making his way to the edge of their habitat slowly, stopping once at the fence, but not turning around.

"Or y'know, relatively close to now, like three minutes from now. When we get there."

There was a splash as Kowalski struggled to pull himself up onto the concrete slab, and a wet 'plop' as he collapsed onto the surface, gasping and coughing. Rico hopped up easily, and Private helped Kowalski to his feet. The scientist thanked him, and shot Rico an angry stare, who whistled innocently behind a devilish smirk. Then all three fell in behind their leader, who led them to the park outside the zoo.

Three commando penguins lined up in the grassy field, their commander pacing before them. Rico and Private looked on in vague indifference, while Kowalski was still glowering a little.

"Alright, listen up! Today's drill is going down a little differently. Much like 'capture the flag'. But with less capturing, and more tagging."

Private squawked as he was roughly slapped to the ground by Rico. Again.

"Tag, 'ur it."

Skipper shook his head. "Not that kind of tagging. Although I enjoy a good smacking just as much as the next penguin... when I'm doing the smacking, of course... today's game is based around survival, tracking, outsmarting your enemies... and wrestling!"

Both Private and Kowalski frowned.

"Wrestling?" whined Private.

"You can't be serious, that hardly seems fair!" added Kowalski.

Rico just did a small dance out of excitement. Now this, he could do.

"Did I ask for sass-back? I didn't think so! Now let me finish!"

Skipper held up two ribbons, one red, and one blue.

"We'll split up into two teams- a red team, and a blue team. The first team to successfully outsmart or out-muscle both of their opponents, and tie these around their legs, wins."

The leader tossed a blue ribbon to Private. "Private, you're with me, Team Blue."

Private looked pleased. "Oh, joy!"

He tossed a red ribbon to Kowalski. "You and Rico make up Team Red."

Rico smiled wide and put his flipper up to his teammate for a high-five. "Tee' red, awrigh!"

Kowalski quickly did the calculations in his head- while Skipper obviously had the experience on his side… Private, however, wasn't much of an opponent. Sure, he had his merits. When the demonic Kuchikukan had escaped from his potted prison, and merged with the body of the plastic toy of the younger soldier, Private had been the only one able to stop him with his encyclopedic knowledge of Lunacorn trivia. And there had been times when his polite behavior and general rainbow and sunshine attitude got the team out of some rather sticky situations…However, those set of skills had nothing to do with this field exercise. And while Rico had his own set of flaws- his attention span and inability to remain quiet or still being among them, not to even mention where he was on the I.Q. scale- the explosive's expert DID have the speed and muscle on his side. Add that with Kowalski's own ingenious mind, his quick wit and inventions were top notch as far as he was concerned, why… they practically had this game won already.

The scientist returned the high five, as he smirked pompously.

"Indeed. Easy as splitting an electron- which I can SO totally do with my eyes closed!"

"Oh," Skipper raised a brow, his own grin spreading on his beak as he questioned the analyst, "that sounds like a challenge to me. Care to make that part of the deal, soldier?"

Kowalski's smile fell as his confidence slipped- history told him nothing ever went right when one played with Fate's love of turning the tables on him. Nor Skipper's drive to succeed. The tallest penguined cleared his throat as he replied with a slight squeak to his voice. "Ah, no. I think I'm good."

"Pity. But it's probably for the best. Wouldn't be right to have you blind out there in the big green yonder- not sporting. Especially since I'm already about to wipe the floor with you two sad sacks of sorry salmon. Alright, boys, on the count of three both teams hide. Ready? ….SMOKE BOMB!"

Kowalski and Rico coughed and wheezed as the air began to clear. The scientist threw his flippers in the air in frustration.

"Oh, come ON! You didn't even count at all!"

One waving flipper was grabbed and he was yanked backwards, stumbling and tripping over himself as he was being dragged away by Rico. "Gotta 'ide, c'mon!"

Kowalski didn't have enough time to get out a full complaint, before he was shoved into a nearby bush, Rico jumping in after him. After righting themselves, the weapons guru coughed up a pair of binoculars and handed them to his teammate. Rico hoped Kowalski had a plan, but Kowalski always had a plan. Which was fortunate, considering his own plan of just blowing up the whole park probably wasn't going to fly. But he was ready to blow something up, if needed... or burn it, or smack it with a pipe wrench- he was flexible.

The analyst took the binoculars as he quickly scanned the area, seeing if he could spot head or tail feathers of their opponents. The coast seemed clear enough, as he took the moment of peace to try and quickly devise a plan.

"Well, first of all we really shouldn't be remaining still. We're practically sitting ducks out here. So our best bet is to continue moving, and keep an eye out for the others. Actually, hold on, let me do the calculations here. " Kowalski retrieved his notepad as he began to expeditiously scribble figures onto the paper. "One point three hundred and seventeenth of a square mile minus the actual area of available hiding places, factoring in both of their heights…"

Both members of Team Red let out a shriek as they dodged a sudden attack of poison darts. Okay, no more math. Math was going to get them killed- or worse, captured and forced to listen to Skipper gloat. The two taller penguins swiftly jumped out of the bushes as they bounced off of one tree trunk to the next. In no time at all they made it to the center of the battlegrounds, to the tallest tree, as they looked out through the binoculars once more.

"Alright, Rico," Kowalski whispered loud enough for only his partner to hear, as they were back to back, searching the area, " keep an eye out for any movement. What looks like an innocent squirrel or any other sort of fuzzy mammal could just as easily be the rustling of Blue Team's sinister intentions!"

Rico nodded. Right. Focus. Focus taking place. It was happening. He procured a pair of binoculars for himself to make it look more official- WHAT WAS THAT?

"IN'CENT SQUIR'!" In a flash, he had a bazooka shoved inches from the face of an innocent, if perhaps a bit moronic, squirrel. Fred tilted his head to the side to look around it with a deadpan expression.

Kowalski face-flippered and sighed. "I didn't mean- that is obviously just FRED!"

"Call me nosey, but why are you standing under my tree and whispering?"

The tallest commando penguin all but disregarded the rodent's inquiry, offering a rushed, and shushed, response.

"Super secret penguin things, as a squirrel, you wouldn't understand." He took one more sweep around the area through the binoculars, ready to move out if the coast was clear. "Still no sign of Private nor Skipper..."

"Oh, you were looking for those guys? Why didn't you mention that before? They've been hiding up there, whispering." he pointed up into the tree branches. "Come to think of it, that is a little weird. All that whispering around my tree."

It took a second for what the squirrel said to sink in. When it did, the penguins' attention snapped to the thick tree foliage, a look of dull shock washing over their faces, just in time to see a large net quickly descending towards them.

"OH COME ON NOW, REALLY?!"

"WHA?! AY!"

As soon as Team Red was successfully captured under the rope net, Team Blue hopped down from where the net had come, landing on either side. The skipper was wearing a smug grin, while Private just looked giddy. "We did it, Skipper, we won! Oh, good on us, good show!"

Skipper shook his head, the grin never leaving his beak, and held up his blue ribbon. "Not yet, we haven't, little Private! Capturing the target is easy, now comes the true test- a test of strength, wit, knot-tying, and-"

"Um, Skipper? While you were talking, they escaped."

"What?"

Sure enough, Team Red now stood atop the net, Kowalski holding some kind of laser pointer- that was an actual laser- and Rico still chewing on a piece of the rope, as he'd apparently chewed through it to escape. It was Kowalski's turn to look smug; not that he'd ever needed a turn or a reason to do so.

"Never underestimate the usefulness of laser-powered SCIENCE!" he gloated. Glancing back at Rico he added, "And uh... whatever it is you call that." Rico spat out the piece of rope and growled, showcasing his whatever-you-call-that.

The commander of the blue team glared, yet was quick to simper coyly at his opponents' escape. "Impressive, " Skipper congratulated, " you threw escape plan Omega Alpha Zeta- let the foes ramble smugly- back in my face. Well done, boys!"

The two taller penguins merely smiled triumphantly, before the explosives expert spewed up a smokescreen of his own. Blue vapor clouded Skipper and Private's vision, as they choked on the fumes. Skipper snarled in irritation as he yelled through the smoke.

"Hey! Smoke bombs?! Lacking in vision! I mean, I JUST did that earlier! Show some creative initiative, why don'tcha? Sheesh."

"Um, Skippah," the young bird interrupted the rant, inbetween his coughing, as he pointed a flipper to where the other team was standing last. " They're...They're gone!"

"Of COURSE they are, Private! It was a SMOKE BOMB. What kind of idiot would throw a smoke bomb and then just casually wait around afterwards? That's lemur thinking...maybe even ostrich thinking. But DEFINITELY not PENGUIN thinking!"

"'Not penguin thinking, ' sir? Then...why are WE standing around?"

"... Touché, Private, touché. MOVE OUT!"

And with that, the remaining penguins were gone, leaving Fred and his tree as if they'd never been there. "It's nice when people visit."

A soft 'plop-plop' and muffled pattering of webbed feet across a concrete floor, as Team Red slipped through an open window to an old storage shed, tucked in the corner of the park. The two squinted in the gloom, before Rico provided both of them with flashlights.

The pale glow of the lights washed over mounds of various items, most of it useless junk. Which was likely why it ended up there to begin with. Kowalski eyed a few items thoughtfully. "Hmmm. There's got to be something in here that will be of use to us..."

There probably wasn't. But neither of them wanted to admit they were mostly hiding for now.

Rico spotted an old, rusty chainsaw, and packed it away for later. He picked up an old lamp, removed the shade, shrugged to himself, and then downed the lamp, too. Hey, you never knew.

He took the shade and, after a moment of consideration, shoved it over his head, down farther, and wiggled and struggled until it was at his hips, vaguely resembling a skirt. Striking an exaggerated runway pose, he waved a flipper in Kowalski's general direction. Not that he was facing in his direction, anyway.

"Yoo-hoo, 'uzit make m'look fah?"

It would either make the penguin laugh, or make him feel uncomfortable, and Rico was content with either. However, Rico wasn't prepared for the scientist to turn around and give him an extremely straight-faced expression. The living weapon felt his heart drop, nearly dropping his pinup pose with it, when he saw the tiniest quirk of the other penguin's beak.

"Charming, " Kowalski said with obvious amusement in his voice, even as he tried to remain as serious as possible, "however, I don't think the striped look quite suit you. Highlights a little too much of your middle."

"'Ey!"

The taller penguin genuinely laughed this time as he waved a flipper. "Now now, I never said you didn't look good. Fatty tissues are actually a sign of a healthy diet, not to mention also storing muscles. Which obviously shows that, as the brawn of the team, the importance of your hefty stat- ...Oh! WHAT am I DOING?! We don't have TIME for your games! Out there is Skipper, with his flippers-for-legalized-weapons, and here we are rambling on about your body!"

The scientist grabbed his head in frustration.

"THINK Kowalski, THINK! We need a plan! You're the Options Guy, so come up with some options!"

While Kowalski paced back and forth, mumbling to himself, Rico wiggled his way out of the red and pink striped lampshade before waddling his way to the nearest window. After jumping from one box to the next to get up to see the view, his eyes widen as he saw the nearest bushes rustle. He gasped as he saw two little black heads pop out and then just as quickly retreat back in.

Rico spun around, nearly losing his footing, and sending an empty box tumbling from the pile, prompting a startled cry from Kowalski as it just missed him. He shot his teammate a look, and would have scolded him, if Rico hadn't began hopping from one foot to the other, pointing out the window with a flipper, and babbling incoherently. It was Kowalski's turn to gasp.

"Closing in? Are you certain?"

The mad scientist scaled the boxes much quicker than his companion had, and within seconds was peering out the window beside him, with his binoculars.

"Sweet mercy! How did they lock onto our location so quickly?"

A different sort of panic set in now, PRESSURE panic, and the analyst's mind began digging desperately for a plan, ANY plan would do. A smile spread across Kowalski's beak as an idea sprang to mind, an option they could use!

"Rico, procure those shovels. We're going excavating!"

"Huh?"

"We're going to dig a very big hole."

"Ohhh!"

* * *

"Still in the shed… What are those two numbskulls up to?"

Sunlight entered through Team Blue's camouflage, causing a glare to make the leader squint his eyes. Skipper and Private had been hiding in the bushes for approximately ten minutes, and it was starting to make the commander antsy from anticipation. He didn't like standing still, he didn't like waiting and only watching as the enemy- or in this case, the opposing unit in their little game- plotted and schemed. Something about the situation smelled fishy...and he meant the BAD kind of fishy! The "they were up to something, but he just didn't know WHAT" kind of horrendous stench that could only be derived from suspicious behavior!

"Skippah, you don't suppose Rico and Kowalski gave up, do you?"

"Gave up," the older penguin glared as he spat out the words- feeling like poison on his tongue, "No, never! Not MY men! No, Private, while Kowalski might have the tendency to crash and burn under the intense anxiety of battle...Rico is a destroying MACHINE. He loves his violence just likes he loves his sushi: raw and chopped into itty bitty tiny pieces!

"No, lad," Skipper continued as he felt some pride swell up inside his chest, " Rico won't go down without a fight. Which is why I'm not entirely comfortable with the current situation. Something ain't right here…"

The youngest member of the team looked out upon the shed once more, as he thought the situation over. So Skipper didn't think they buckled under, and Skipper knew them all better than anyone- why, even better than they knew themselves!- so if the leader thought Team Red was still in the game...Private trusted him. Completely. However, that left the question: what were they up to? Did they know that they were out in the shrubbery, watching them? On the off chance they did, maybe it wasn't the best idea to be staying there for so long...right? Maybe they should even go to the other side of the other team's hiding place, and see if there might be a way to sneak in for a surprise attack...

"Um, question. What if we-"

"SHHH," Skipper interrupted, waving a flipper to quiet the lad, "I'm seeing movement!"

No sooner had the words left Skipper's beak, the ground shook with a nearby explosion.

The commander smiled proudly.

"There are my boys! What did I tell you, Private?"

"Um, okay, but... how do we know that was them?"

"Private, please. If there's an explosion, chances are good you'll find one of THOSE two at ground zero."

"Oh... I suppose that's true. Right, then! Should we-"

"You know it."

Team Blue penguin-slid away, and were gone in an instant, arriving in the general vicinity of where the explosion was heard in seconds. Backs pressed to the trunk of a tree, they peeked around and spotted... not much. Just more open field. The skipper scowled. "Well that can't be right! I was certain that explosion came from over-"

"Um, Skippah..."

"What now, Private? I'm busy musing out loud to myself over here!"

The young private didn't reply with words, instead simply pointing behind them. Skipper let out a short yelp of surprise, instincts had him striking a battle-ready stance, and little Private followed suit.

Kowalski stood in the clearing, toting a hefty Rico-gun under his flipper. "Looking for someone?"

There was a mysterious clicking sound as the scientist cocked the "gun" via flipper trigger, the corners of Rico's beak curling up into a grin around his gaping maw.

"Oh, dear!"

"Nicely put, Private. Nicely put."

Moments later, Skipper and Private were dodging and blocking golfballs as they zoomed at and past them at rapid speeds, deciding to stand their ground rather than flee.

"Skippah! Shouldn't we- OW! be running awa-OW!"

"Negatory! We stand our ground! Besides, they'll run out of ammunition eventually."

As if on cue, the barrage of balls ceased, Rico producing nothing but a hollow clicking sound.

"See? And now-"

Kowalski had already emptied another pail full of golf balls into Rico, and prepared to shoot again. Skipper gaped at the six other pails of balls behind them, and Private whimpered. "Skippah! Please... permission to-"

"No! We don't run away, Private!"

The first wave of projectiles whizzed past them.

"...We retreat in a manly fashion!"

And they did just that, with Team Red in hot pursuit.

" FORT!" The scientist snerked at his own joke, as they continued to give chase. "I say we're really on the BALL with this one, Rico! Just a liiiittle further!"

Team Blue kept up their dodging, the youngest soldier screaming in terror every time a ball whizzed past his head- nearly hitting him. Skipper motioned for Private to follow his lead, as they began to zigzag across the field. This plan seemed to work for a while, Kowalski, following them rather than actually hitting them. However, while the commander was beginning to think the plan was fool-proof and would continue to serve them, Skipper gave a loud "WHOA-NELLY!" as he almost slid right into the aimed assault. He and Private swiftly swerved to the left to avoid the attack, when they both gave a startled cry as the ground caved under them.

Team Blue crashed hard into solid dirt, knocking the air out and winding them both.

"What in the name of Mother Teresa's fishnet stockings is going ON?! Who put this darn hole here?!"

As if answering his question, Skipper's head jerked up as he heard manic laughter. Before he could do anything to protect himself, the commander "oofed" as the heavy weight of the explosives expert landed hard on top of him.

"'OG 'ILE!"

Thus a wrestling match commenced as Rico tried keeping the leader pinned under. For a while it looked like Skipper would break free, as he gave a few good punches to Rico's beak and gut. The living weapon glared- the last punch had actually hurt! Rico growled before expelling some rope from his stomach, as he used it to tie up Skipper like a calf in a rodeo show. He laughed triumphantly as he then retrieved his red scarf, and attached it to Skipper's leg. Standing on top of the captured foe, Rico retched out a cowboy hat to finish the show.

"Yeehaw! Yea yea!"

The brains of Team Red joined them soon after, facing down a rather nervous-looking Private who, despite his trepidations, held a combat pose. The confident pose didn't reach his expression, however.

"I don't want to fight you, Kowalski... but I will if I have to!"

Kowalski shrugged and replied with, "Then don't! You could just, you know, give up."

Hearing his words about giving up echoed from earlier, and remembering how Skipper had reacted, Private glanced over at their leader, who still lay tied up under Rico. "My men NEVER give up! Not even when their leader is hogtied and sat on by a two-ton killing machine."

"'Ey..."

"Now, avenge me, Private! AVENGE ME LIKE YOU'VE NEVER AVENGED BEFORE!"

Now Private's expression mirrored his confidence and determination, as he gave a single nod. "Right. I won't let you down, Skippah!"

Kowalski lunged at the small penguin, just in time for him to jump up, using the mad genius' head as a springboard, which sent him sailing up towards the surface...

Private yelped as his foot was grabbed mid-flight, sending him crashing back down into the dirt below. Kowalski tied the ribbon around his foot before letting him go and rubbing his flipper sheepishly. "Sorry about the rough landing there, Private. Nothing personal, just... THE MOST AWESOME AND TOTAL VICTORY, EVER! AW YEAH!"

Both members of the victorious Red Team high-flippered and congratulated each other, as their leader lay there, smiling. "Good on you, boys! Good on you. I'm impressed! I haven't seen teamwork like that since Manfredi and Johnson, summer of '82... never before had I seen seal heads used in such a, GRUESOME, yet creative way."

Skipper struggled some in his bindings.

"Now... what's your plan for getting out of the giant hole? Is it a good one? I bet it's a good one!"

Kowalski and Rico exchanged blank stares.

"Oh, um... actually we, ah..."

"Eh heh heh... oh boy."

Skipper began to glare, as the youngest penguin struggled to untie him. The leader struggled more in the bonds.

"...You two DO have a plan to escape, don't you?"

"Ah, well, you see…" The analyst stalled as he looked away, rubbing his neck. Rico whistled 'row row row your boat' innocently. "Technically you merely said for us to try and win...Which we DID, mind you. However...I maaay have forgotten to factor in an escape plan while devising our method of victory. TOTALLY my bad."

"KOWALSKI!"

"What? I apologized! I said 'my bad'!"

"Well," Private interjected with his British wisdom and niavity, " that's not really an apology. That's more like admitting to messing up, isn't it?"

Before the two could start bickering on the finer details and formalities around what did and didn't count as an apology, Skipper growled loudly, silencing all three operatives as their commander regained their attention.

"Who CARES! I don't want no stinkin' concessions here! I want results! I want options! " Skipper paused as he wiggled again, before snarling once more. "And I REALLY want out of this rope! RICO! Give us something to cut this with, will ya?"

The living storage unit saluted towards his leader, tongue hanging out and flapping as he nodded his head vigorously. Turning to his side, and away from his fellow teammates, Rico heaved up the chainsaw he had swallowed earlier. He giggled madly as he revved it up, loving the motored noise like it was sweet sweet music to his ears. The hefty penguin was beginning to lower it towards his leader, when Kowalski cried out cheerfully.

"Wait, that's it! Rico, YOU'RE A GENIUS!"

Rico turned off the motor as he looked confused.

"'Ay wha'?"

"Yeah," Skipper said, also confused by this opinion, " what he said. What in the world are you talking about, Kowalski?"

The analyst was bouncing from excitement, as he pointed at the cutting device in the other's flippers eagerly.

"No, you see, the chainsaw is the answer! We can use it to ride up the side of the hole. The ridges SHOULD be strong enough to not only propel it forward, but should also be strong enough to hold our weight. At least for a little while, until gravity starts sending it backwards again. But a little while is all we need, so we can gain enough height and momentum so we can jump to the ledge and out from our terrain prison!"

Rico looked at his chainsaw. It could do that? That sounded like fun! "Oooo!" The chainsaw was lifted above the penguin's head, ready to be buried into the dirt wall, when Skipper cleared his throat loudly.

"FORGETTING something, Rico?"

"Ummm... oh! Hol' on."

Kowalski shielded Private's eyes, as the chainsaw came down on Skipper. But after a few short moments, it was over, and Skipper stood on his own two feet again, the rope scattered in shreds around him.

"Nice work, Rico! I don't even think I'll need stitches this time."

One revving chainsaw, a "Wheee-he-hee-hee!", and spewing dirt later, a flipper emerged from the hole and grasped the edge, pulling up the Skipper, followed by his three commandos. Four dirt-smeared and exhausted penguins waddled their way back to the zoo... for another long day of work.

Skipper would have to remember to treat them all to some snow cones afterwards.


	3. Best Worst Ideas

"Smiling and waving...And smiling….still smiliiing...And there we go!"

Skipper, the leader of the penguin troops, dropped his flippers with a sigh after the last of the children finally left their little habitat. Undercover work, while the easiest part of their job, tended to leave the commander a bit fidgety from the hours of doing nothing but crowd pleasing. Skipper was a bird of action, a soldier to his very core! And….well, there was nothing very actiony or soldierlike about schmoozing it up with all the human civilians! Every couple hours or so he would get a break inside the base, as the group tended to do shifts in order to keep the little bit of the sanity they all had left. During those times Skipper preferred to either do some small warm-ups in the sub-levels of the lair, or plan for future exercises for his team. It wasn't a lot...but it was enough to shake off at least some of his mental and physical energy.

The bell over the zoo's entrance rang, signalling the beginning and end of yet another hour. It was 5.P.M: time for the doors to close and lock down for the day. Alice- the main menagerie keeper- would still be around for a few more hours, cleaning up after and feeding the animals before she could retire for the evening. However, this wasn't hard to work around, seeing as all the zoo civilians had easily learned how to avoid her.

This meant free time was now a-go.

You would have been under the impression the three soldiers were made of plush and beans, the way they suddenly slumped with exhaustion. They sighed with weary relief now that the day was, for the most part, over. Skipper looked at his tired men, and smirked.

"What's this? Resting already? At attention, boys! We still have one more mission to accomplish."

Years ago, Private, Rico, and Kowalski may have attempted to keep back their groans of disappointment, but not today. They did just that, but stood "at attention" nevertheless- lined up in front of their commanding officer.

Skipper gestured toward a currently abandoned cart, with a nod of his head in that general direction. "Snow cones!"

Rico and Private brightened instantly, but Kowalski only seemed to slump more. Oh wonderful. More frivolous "fun".

The snow cone vendor scratched his head. He had gone a whole day without any of his flavored ice being stolen, which was rare, and yet now that the day was over, it was time for him to pack up and head home; the park was EMPTY, and he could have sworn there were more missing than he had sold. Just then, Alice stomped past with a scowl... ah. That solved that mystery. The vendor grumbled something under his breath about some people assuming they're entitled to whatever they want, and pushed his cart away to be locked up for the night.

The four penguins sitting on the nearby bench, slurping on snow cones, went completely unnoticed. No one saw anything, as it should be. Rico was on the far left end, followed by Kowalski, with Skipper next to him, leaving Private at the other end. The youngest member happily consumed his treat, as the leader smiled down at him.

"Enjoying yourself there, lad?"

"Oh, yes! I've always been partial to the cherry snow cones, Skipper. They're the right amount of sweet and tart and...oh," Private sighed contently as he closed his eyes, looking beyond delighted, " and it's like the cherries are giving my tongue lots of glittery hugs!"

Skipper chuckled to himself over the boy's phrasing. He might not have been one to openly express sentimentality, but he actually found himself quite pleased whenever he could bring a little joy to the youth of the team. It was a dark scary world out there, and while Private's niavity and girly interests could be a little too much sometimes, it was better to keep him sheltered. At least for a little while longer, until his fledgling of sorts was more of a man and able to handle it all. Why, if he exposed the kid to the bitterness of the world too soon…

Skipper shuddered as he thought of thick framed glasses, little goatees, and fedoras. Gah! HIPSTERS! The THIRD on the list of scums of the earth! You know, following supervillains and lemurs, and preceding hippies. (Hey, he might not agree with their lifestyle...but at least the hippies actually DID something with their lives. Activism garbage, and other mother earth phooey….but it was more than just being useless and listless and just complaining about life. Sheesh.)

No, as long as the arctic commander was around, his little private would NOT befall the sinister clutches of….THEM.

"Er, yeah," Skipper said awkwardly, as he tried to bring himself back to reality and into the presence of the sweet, innocent soldier, " tongue hugs...Couldn't have said it better myself. And how 'bout you two? Like it was sent from above and just what the doctor order, amiright?"

Kowalski raised a brow as he looked over his blue snow cone.

"Well, " he began slowly, giving it a lick as he thought over the treat, " besides the fact I still can't comprehend how something this shade of ultramarine can be coconut flavored- I mean, come on, who has ever even SEEN blue coconuts!- I also don't know many medical professionals who would recommend flavored ice for medicational purposes."

The analyst of the team noted the annoyed expression on the commander's face, before quickly switching gears with his train of thought.

"Buuut, that said, it IS quite delicious!"

The skipper nodded, satisfied, and leaned forward to look at Rico. "Rico? Thoughts? Preferably on snow cones, and how delicious they are?"

Rico smiled wide, but the smile didn't stick, as he studied his deep red frozen treat. Was he supposed to say something deep and meaningful like the other two had? "Um." This was going to take some thinking.

"Yup! Pre' guh'."

And with that, the fruity snack disappeared down the hatch, paper cone and all. The cone didn't stay down, however; it shot back out as Rico let out a loud belch, and he caught it with an outstretched flipper. "Ta-dah!"

Skipper returned to a more comfortable sitting position, and got back to his own icy wonder. "And there we have it! Satisfaction across the board."

It didn't take long for the rest of the team to finish their snow cones, and when the leader was done he rolled up the paper before throwing it over his shoulder- it instantly landed into the nearest garbage can as he jumped off the bench and looked up at his crew.

"Alright, men, enough of that," Skipper waved a flipper, navigating his soldiers back to the zoo, " let's head home. I got things to do, and I'm sure you boys are looking forward to a lil' R n' R after earlier field training."

Private waddled over to the rubbish bin, before plopping down on the ground with the others following suit. The youngest member of the team tilted his head in confusion, as he questioned his superior officer.

"'Things to do'? Oh! Would you be needing some company? I'd be glad to help you, Skipper!"

"Negative! This is a solo mission. As in, I'll be swimming alone for this one. But I admire your enthusiasm!"

Kowalski stood tall, flippers to his sides as he stood at ease. He remained emotionless as he inquired more about the said mission.

"What sort of assignment is this? I don't remember anything about a mission being in the last weekly report."

"That's because it's confidential. High clearance stuff. Level Z clearance, Kowalski."

"Drat! Curse the dreaded Z clearance! You got to be one of the highest ranks to even get to HEAR about it, let alone participate!"

"Exactly," Skipper said smugly, " highest of the high...Or in this case- me. Now forward ho, boys, forward ho!"

* * *

Private, Kowalski, and Rico watched as their leader disappeared up the ladder and out, already headed toward his top-secret solo mission. Having accomplished Operation: Get The Troops Back to HQ, he had no reason to hang around and waste any more time.

As the hatch closed, the three remaining penguins stood there in silence for awhile. It was Kowalski who was the first to break the silence.

"Well! Science won't do itself!" his eagerness was evident in his tone, as was the fact he was trying and failing to mask it. The lab door clanged shut and he was gone.

Private brightened and waddled to his bunk, grabbed his Lunacorn doll, and gave it a squeeze. "I wonder if Roy and Bing would fancy a top-secret Lunacorns meeting? Skipper shouldn't be the only one who gets to do super-secret... things!"

Little Private was the next to disappear, out the hatch with giddy excitement.

Rico stood alone in the silence for a short while longer, before smoothly sidestepping over to the corner where he'd left Mrs. Perky. He threw a flipper around her, pulled her close, and gave her his most charming smile.

"A'gus i'jus you'n meh...babeh."

With his free flipper, he jingled the keys to the car and wiggled his "eyebrows" at the forever-grinning doll. Soon they too had disappeared, and the rev of the car's powerful engine and squealing of tires could be heard.

Adrenalin purred through Rico's entire being just as strongly as the motor through the vehicle, as he rounded yet another corner on two wheels. The smell of burning rubber and oil, the electric feel of the raw speed and the car itself, the sound of it tearing up the pavement as he tore around the zoo... all of these things brought the crazed maniac behind the wheel more satisfaction than much else ever could. His tongue flapping in the wind and his maniacal cackling was evidence enough of that. Mrs. Perky seemed to be enjoying herself as much as a doll possibly could, strapped in tightly in the seat next to him.

It was the "low fuel" light that finally forced Rico to give it up for the day. He put the car to bed, and returned to their habitat. His webbed feet had no sooner hit the concrete slab, that an explosion from below shook the ground beneath him. In a flash, Rico was below, the familiar scent of burnt chemicals leading him to Kowalski's lab. Throwing open the door, wearing a frighteningly wide grin, he called out, "KA-BOOM?" a bit too enthusiastically.

Rico was greeted by hacking and coughing, as his gaze landed upon the burnt feathers of the scientist. Kowalski's goggles were covered in ash as he took them off, as another flipper fanned away the smoke. He wheezed, as he tried to respond as his friend at the door.

"R-Rico!- cough cough- Can -hack wheeze-...can you maybe help with this?"

The hefty bird tilted his head in bewilderment, not sure what was wanted of him. But as he saw his egghead companion continue to wave his flippers, the pieces clicked into place. OH, smoke! Yeah, that needed to go. It was then that he had an idea, as he quickly upchucked a hand-held fan and turned it on. Rico ran around the room as he cleared away the dark cloud, making it breathable in mere minutes.

Kowalski took in a deep breath, before sighing contently. Oh momma, air! Beautiful, wonderful oxygen atoms, how he loved thee!

"Thank you, Rico. I was afraid I'd suffocate for a moment, there. It seems that the resonance transformers I made were slightly off with their frequencies, whiiiich resulted in the mess you walked into. I was trying to test them out before presenting it to Skipper, as I was going to propose using it as an alternative power source. In order to cut down on the zoo's power lines, and also just being really really cool!"

Kowalski continued energetically: "Just IMAGINE it! Being able to power anything in the base...without even plugging it in! This baby will end up transporting energy THROUGH the air, in a non-harmful fashion, and allowing us to shed our need for a million power cords overstuffing outlets and causing potential fires! Oh, baby, just the mere thought sends such delicious shivers down my spine!"

Shivers down his spine? That spread a wide, interested grin across Rico's beak, and lifted his brow. He let out a low "Oooo..."

The expression melted into a look of slight nausea soon after, however. Well, that had been weird. "Whoa, way', hah?" Rico was rarely one to bother questioning his own thoughts or actions, but...

The garbled question was taken to mean he hadn't understood a word Kowalski had said, however. It was true that he really hadn't understood most of it, anyway. The mad genius shook his head, and flapped a dismissive flipper in his direction.

"Pffft, yeah, I know, big science-y words, what? Oh, I don't expect you to understand, no, NO one understands! I was... I was THIS close, Rico, THIS CLOSE!"

Kowalski's flipper tips were an inch apart and an inch away from Rico's beak, signifying just HOW close he'd been to not exploding his lab, causing the deranged penguin's eyes to cross. Oh yes, that was very close. Uncomfortably close. Why was he uncomfortable? Was he uncomfortable about being uncomfortable?

The scientist was, thankfully, gone just as quickly as he'd been there, and Rico tried to swallow the lump in his throat. There was an unhappy gurgle in his stomach, pushing up a sickly belch that tasted of bile. His tongue flopped out of his frowning beak, as if trying to escape the unpleasant flavor. Oh, he was going to be sick.

There must have been some kind of science-chemicals, likely one with names he'd never be able to pronounce, wafting through the air in the lab, making him feel ill. He had to get out of there, if he didn't want to waste a perfectly good snow cone.

Kowalski was currently preoccupied with hanging his head and muttering to himself dramatically, on the other side of the room. Rico attempted to ask if he'd like to leave with him, but only a few garbled grunts made it out before his stomach lurched, and he slapped both flippers across his beak to stop the spew, his cheeks expanding with the upchuck.

The scientist stopped his own ramblings as he happened to notice the slight green coloring of his comrade's face. He hesitantly stepped a little closer, as he tried to inquire what the problem was.

"Um...Rico? Are you...all right?"

The explosive's expert shook his head somewhat violently, before finally being able to swallow back down his chunks of digested meals and other miscellaneous items. He still felt a bit queasy as he mumbled out a reply.

"Oh man, 'ick."

"Sick?" Kowalski became concern for his teammate as he came closer and placed a flipper on his forehead to test his temperature. "You feel normal, not hotter than usual. Though, your feather do appear to have the slightest green tinge to them, as well as the fact you look slightly flushed. There's the possibility you might be reacting to the lingering smoke in the air, or even possibly the remaining fumes from the nitrohydrochloric acids spilt last night. I was meaning to do another hose down on the area earlier, actually…"

The scientist paused his wordy musings as he looked over his friend again.

"But that will have to wait. Right now it might be for the best to get you out of the lab and into the fresh air." Kowalski put his flippers on Rico's chest as he began to try and herd him towards the door. "C'mon, Rico, out we go!"

The shoving really only succeeded in pushing up another foul-smelling burp, causing Kowalski to grimace as he was in close enough proximity to be witness to the stench. But Rico apologized, and then left of his own volition, the scientist following close by to see him outside.

The fresh air cleared Rico's mind, his sinuses, settled his stomach, and he instantly felt better, like his old self. He breathed in deeply, and let it out in a relieved sigh.

Suddenly his head was grabbed, a light shone into his left eyeball, as Kowalski gave a quick examination.

"Retinas are clear, pupils dilating sufficiently, aaand you've lost your unsettling green hue! Just a minor case of chemical and or smoke-induced nausea, AS I suspected. Well, you're fine now, I'll leave you to do... um, Rico-things, I suppose. " and just like that, the taller bird spun around and headed back towards the hatch, no doubt to return to his lab.

The scowl given by his shorter teammate went unseen, as Rico watched him go. Back to the lab? With all of those icky, urpy-inducing chemicals? He didn't remember signing up for making sure this idiotic genius didn't get himself into trouble, but he did remember his abidance to the "No Penguin Gets Left Behind" credo, and looking out for one another just kind of went along with that. His eyes darted around, trying to find an excuse, anything at all that would distract Kowalski from his goal, before he disappeared down the hatch.

Suddenly, an idea. Not a great idea, but hey, what are you going to do. "'Ey, 'Walski!"

An annoyed expression flashed across the scientist's features, but didn't linger. He stopped and looked back. "Yes?"

The storage unit hacked up a bowling ball... no, that wasn't right. He tossed it away. A typewriter? Nope. Ah! A picnic basket, there it was. He held it up and pointed at it, smiling encouragingly.

"Feesh?"

"Fish?" Kowalski raised a brow, eyes going from the basket to Rico once more. "I'm not sure I'm following."

The hefty penguin slapped his face from frustration, before mumbling under his breath. His flippers pointed at Kowalski, as he tried to explain himself.

"Oo, ee, 'ark, feesh!"

"...Oh, a picnic. I don't know, Rico, I really want to get back to my electrodynamic induction project that I'm currently working on. And with it presently being all...you know, explodey, I really need to figure out what's causing the frequencies to not sync up properly. But-"

The scientist was interrupted by a sigh as he looked up from the concrete to see a small glare that began to soften into what looked like...hurt? Er, emotions- the awkward foreign cousin of analytical thinking that science was forced to meet during family reunions. Kowalski would readily admit that he didn't get them very well. Not that he didn't FEEL them, mind you- because he sure as heck knew he was feeling a small case of guilt eating at him right now- the tallest member of the team just had trouble knowing what to DO with them. And right at that moment this confusion led him to falter with his personal preferences as he waddled closer. His mouth was speaking before his brain could even stop and analyze what he was even saying.

"But...I suppose a small break wouldn't hurt. Just as long as it remained...you know, small. So what sort of fish are we having, hmm? And just where in the park will we be partaking?"

Rico danced happily and with excitement, as he grabbed onto his taller friend's flipper, as he began to babble noises of elation that didn't mean much of anything. The living storage weapon dragged the egghead, as he began to run towards the zoo's exit.

"Um on, 'Walski! 'Ollo ee!"

Kowalski yelped in panic as he nearly hit the bars of their habitat. Oh sweet mother of mercy, something told the scientist maybe he should have thought a little more before giving in. Because his gut- as he had learned to listen to from trial, error, and desperation- told him that this was going to end in nothing but disaster…

Maybe it wasn't too late to try and still back out? Right?

….Right?

* * *

Exactly two minutes ahead of schedule, the skipper slid from behind a park bench, to a nearby bush, silently. The earlier escapades in the park had served as a convenient way of mapping out the territory for the secret mission he was scheduled for that afternoon.

A pile of dead, dry leaves skittered suspiciously across the lawn, stopping a mere eight yards from an unsuspecting citizen, somehow unnoticed. a pair of binoculars poked out from the crunchy pile, and swept the general area.

"Skipper's log... target spotted, with no other personnel in sight. It looks like the coast is clear, I'm moving i- what the deuce?"

Skipper searched around himself, and noticed something missing.

"Skipper's log... I forgot the audio recorder. Without it, there is no Skipper's log. It's just... me talking to myself, really. Not that there's anything wrong with that."

"Yeah, except for it being a liiittle bit creepy."

The penguin commander let out a short yell and nearly flipper-chopped his date into unconsciousness. "How! But you! Over there, and I... being sneaky, and all that. Skipper's log... my cover has been blown. The target knows I've been spying on her."

Marlene gaped at Skipper. "You've been SPYING on me? Since when?"

"... Skipper's log; NOW my cover has been blown."

The otter groaned in frustration. "Would you QUIT it with the Skipper's log thing already? Look, look- let's just get ooout of the pile of dead leaves..." Marlene guided the penguin over to the blanket that had been stretched out on the ground. "Sit down, and relax. Okay? Sound good?"

The avian commander eyed the checkered blanket a little suspiciously, as he quickly bent down and grabbed the stick nearest to his webbed feet. He first poked the outer edge of the fabric, testing to see if it was as solid as it looked- and not just covering a trench- before throwing the stick in the middle and dodging for cover. Skipper, on the ground with his flippers covering his head, waited a few seconds for some sort of explosion or vibrations to indicate some sort of trap. When he heard nothing, he looked up in bewilderment.

"Well...huh."

"You quite finished there," Marlene asked impatiently, as she had her arms crossed against her chest, " Or did you want to see if I rigged the blanket to catch on fire if you stepped on any square that isn't red?"

"...Is that recommended? Or just some sort of crazy otter reverse psychology in order to lure me into a false sense of security?"

The female mammal threw her arms in the air from frustration, before walking onto the cover and sitting down. She picked up the basket she had packed for the occasion, as she began to take out the meal she had prepared for the two of them. Oysters came out of the woven container, followed by fizzy grape sodas, and a couple cans of sardines. After she was finished she looked over at her date, and addressed him once more.

"You do whatever you like, Skipper. Because I plan on having a picnic in the park, whether you actually join me or not." She paused, as she looked away a little shyly. "But, uh, ya know...I would rather enjoy your company. Just sayin'."

The penguin found his defenses slipping as he let out a sigh. Curse his sentimentality! He waddled his way onto the blanket, before plopping down next to his flame. He rubbed his neck sheepishly as he tried to explain himself.

"Yeah...sorry 'bout all that, Marlene. I know you're a good egg n' all, and I know you would never betray me or my men. But...hard habits are just hard to let down, ya know? Years of training, years of having to anticipate every tiniest attack imaginable...makes a guy kinda antsy."

Skipper finally let his guard down enough to sit opposite Marlene, who gave him a rather adorable smile. "Yeah, I know. It must be hard for you to... y'know, do normal stuff. What with all the, super-secret commando training, and... things."

Conversation between the two tapered off here. Both fell into a silence... this was awkward for both of them. Skipper would not admit to being nervous, not even to himself. But, the truth was, he'd stared down enemies ten times his size and never felt as intimidated as he did now.

Skipper was not a shy penguin, when it came to love, or anything else. He'd dated before, he was not a stranger to falling head-over-tail feathers for an alluring lady. But there was more than love between him and the otter. He'd known Marlene for a long time, he knew everything about her, she was very likely his closest friend, which only seemed to make their love connection stronger. Marlene was not the first in Skipper's life to hold his heart, but she was the first to capture his trust. And quite frankly, on some level, that terrified him.

The penguin jumped a little when Marlene interrupted his silent musings.

"So! Look at us, being all... romantic, and, and dating! Isn't it crazy? I mean, you and me, who woulda' thought, am I right?"

It was evident in the way the otter laughed that she was pretty nervous about the whole situation, too. Skipper offered a smile.

"You're telling me, sister. It is weird, I mean, me, dating a mammal, crazy indeed."

"Yeah I'm going to ignore that- soooo, whatcha been up to lately, hmmm? Anything interesting? Action-y? Stuff like that?"

"Classified."

Marlene stared holes through her date. "Skipper! What happened to the whole, trusting me, thing?"

Skipper tossed the sardine he was about to eat back into the can and stared back at Marlene, expression stern. "Of COURSE I trust you, Marlene! I thought we covered this. But you don't seem to comprehend how dangerous our little situation is!"

"Our, 'situation'?" the tone in the otter's voice hinted at frustration bordering on anger.

"Yes, our situation! Our dating situation! The whole idea is bad news wrapped in disaster, and then rolled around in some kind of powdery chaos!"

The look Marlene was giving him now made his heart ache, but it could have been indigestion.

"Skipper... how could you SAY that?"

"Easy, Marlene; with my beak, now read it: This. Is. A bad. Idea!"

The otter stood up abruptly, glaring through brimming, unshed tears.

"Oh, so there it is, the truth finally comes out, I see how it-"

She didn't have time to finish her sentence and storm off, before his date was up, his flippers on her shoulders, holding her in place.

"Marlene, you are by far the best bad idea I've ever gone through with."

The otter sniffed, the first tears spilling over, as she gazed into those deep blue eyes.

" If anyone found out about us, they could exploit my feelings for you as a weakness. Hurt you to get to me, you know, things like that. Evil things, it's what they do."

The skipper leaned in to nuzzle his beak against her nose, causing her to smile.

"But I am not going to let that happen, understood? We'll just be careful. You know, undercover lovers."

"'Undercover lovers', huh?" Marlene found a paw walking up the flightless bird's flipper, as she continued to talk. "Ya know, I DO kinda like the sound of that. Dark, kind of mysterious too. Alright, that's how we'll do this then. On ONE condition!"

Skipper raised a brow, though his amusement overpowered his confusion.

"Oh yeah? Quid pro quo, and all that jazz, huh? Fine,you name it."

Marlene twisted her body away, partially removing herself from her paramour's arms as she tried to retrieve something she had hidden in the pile of leaves behind their blanket. The otter smirked as she shoved a certain stringed instrument into the penguin's flippers.

"I'll agree only if you play me some of your Spanish guitar that you know I'm OH so fond of."

Skipper found himself chuckling before gripping the neck and resting the guitar against his stomach. A flipper teased the strings before he leaned in and gave a seductive purr.

"You drive a hard bargain, mi hermosa nutria, but I think that's more than doable."

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of the park, Rico was still dragging a stumbling Kowalski as he tried to find the perfect spot for lunch. It had to be hidden enough so that the humans wouldn't see them, but then also open enough so they'd have room to fly kites...that is, if he could convince the scientist to stay out with him long enough. Eh, guess it didn't matter too much really. But man was his stomach growling something fierce! He could smell the fish already, and he felt his mouth watering over the thought of how close he was to eating all the fishies. Oh man. After giving a quick look around at their current location, Rico shrugged as he decided it was good enough.

He was too hungry to even care anymore.

The abrupt stop sent Kowalski plowing into the back of the penguin- who had been dragging him- and he bounced off the wall of meat and blubber, landing a few feet away on his rump with an 'Oof'. Rico didn't seem to notice, already sitting on the grass, and digging into the basket.

The first fish was about to disappear down the hatch, when Rico noticed he was sitting alone. He put the fish down and looked around.

"'Walski? Whereu go? 'Elloh?"

Kowalski stood and came around in front of him, looking mildly annoyed, but coolly so.

"Oh 'ey!"

"Doesn't picnic protocol call for a blanket? Can't really... have a picnic without one, darn our luck!"

Rico looked up at the scientist blankly for awhile. Oh yeah, a blanket.

"Oh, okay. Gimma' minute."

It took him three tries, but he finally managed to drag the rolled-up blanket out of his gut, standing up and spreading it out, before plopping back down.

Kowalski sighed and sat down... well, his first plan had failed. They did indeed have a blanket now, even if it was a bit on the damp side. He silently wondered if he'd ever learn not to underestimate the crazy penguin, and what he would or wouldn't swallow.

Rico was in his glory. The day was nice, he had fish, Kowalski wasn't suffocating to death in his lab, there was fish, and the faint sound of someone strumming a Spanish guitar in the far distance-

Wait, what?

The weapons expert cocked his head and slapped at his earhole with a flipper. Hearing explosions when there were none was fine, but not this mushy noise pollution. He tipped the basket towards Kowalski, with his free flipper.

"Feesh!"

"Ah, yes….Thank you, Rico." The taller penguin dragged the basket closer to himself, as he lifted up the lid to see all that the other flightless bird had stored in there. Sardines, anchovies- not bad, fine choices, no matter what your mood was- silversides...Kowalski dug deeper into the woven container, when his flipper touched something a lot larger than the other fish. Ever curious, the scientist pulls it out to examine it. His eyes lit up with joy as he gazed upon it.

"Oncorhynchus mykiss, FOR THE WIN!" Kowalski gave a little squeal of pleasure as he held out the colorful fish to study it. He coughed, bringing himself down to a more reasonable level of excitement before continuing. " Or, as more commonly called by most people: rainbow trout! Rico, WHERE did you get your flippers on THIS beauty?"

Rico was in the middle of eating another sardine as he eyed the fish in the other penguin's clutches. He went cross-eyed as the explosion's expert tried to recall just where it had come from. All that came to mind was visions of late night partying with his cockroach companions, guzzling down lots of root beer through a funnel, and then running around town as he threw bombs left and right. Somewhere along the way he also recalled deli fish on ice as he did the backstroke through the frozen cubes.

Back in the present, Rico shook his head as he expelled the fuzzy thoughts from his mind, as he looked back at Kowalski. He merely shrugged as he swallowed down the rest of the fish.

"I 'unno', feesh 'airy?"

"Pfft, PLEASE, you already KNOW I disproved the existence of the Fish Fairy AGES ago...Some dreams die at such an early tender age." Kowalski's frown went back to a happy smile as he went back to eyeing the fish jovially. "Well, in any case, this DOES look positively exquisite! Almost a shame to actually devours this beautiful morsel….Almost."

The tallest penguin was in the middle of opening his beak, as he brought the trout closer to his mouth, when Rico grabbed the fish from his flippers. Kowalski gave a startled cry, before glaring.

"ExCUSE you? What was THAT for?!"

"'Aht eadi 'et!"

The living storage unit spewed out a bandana and two titanium knives, before wrapping the bandana around his head and maniacally hacking away at the colorful fish. Chunks of tails and miscellaneous body parts flew about, as Rico cut the rainbow trout into smaller pieces. Once he was finished, the heftier bird kissed the air as he admired his creation. Beautiful and masterly prepared sushi was waiting to be eaten and enjoyed.

Kowalski merely raised a brow.

"...Where did the rice even COME from? I was watching you the whole time!"

"Rye' fairy!" answered Rico, with a mischievous grin. Kowalski gave an unimpressed stare from beneath a furrowed brow.

"Oh come on, now you're just being ridicu-MPH!" The rest of Kowalski's sentence was muffled behind a beak full of sushi that had been shoved in there by his picnic partner. While the gesture was rude, the taste of the succulent fish didn't really leave room for complaints. Not even muffled ones.

Rico skewered two pieces on one of the knives, and stuck the whole knife in his beak, pulling it out bare of sushi. "Goo' feesh, aw righ'!"

"Mmm, yes!" Kowalski stuffed another piece into his mouth as he greedily ate more. "Oh sweet salty seductress of the sea, it's like...it's like my taste buds were just kissed by an angel! Thank you, Rico, this is absolutely delicious!"

The explosives expert felt a strange flutter in his chest over the analyst's words, as he actually stopped his own gluttony to watch his friend eat. The taller penguin tended to get excited easily, but usually it was from some gizmo or from a weapon he made causing destruction...not that he had anything to say against the last bit, being a weapon crazed lunatic himself. But while Rico enjoyed things like loud noises and fast cars that sped down roads fast enough to make one's ears pop, he also found himself enjoying much simpler things. Like fish. ESPECIALLY fish. So to see Kowalski take part in not only something that made the heftier penguin happy...but the fact he had also thanked him for it was enough to make him want to smile and never stop.

...Except for the fact it was starting to make himself feel uncomfortable again. Rico looked away as he tried to eat more of the trout in order to have something else to distract him. Fish. Yummy fish. Fish that was being devoured and had nothing to do with egghead penguins or their happiness.

It didn't take long for the two to finish off the remaining bit of rainbow trout, and before Kowalski was stuffed. He patted his belly once finished, as Rico was still wolfing down the remaining food from the picnic basket.

"Well THAT certainly hit the spot. Thank you for the short break, this was actually quite...enjoyable." The scientist began to get up, as he continued. " However, I do believe I have spent enough time away from the lab. Again, thank you; but, if you'll excuse me, I have resonant inductive coupling to finish the kinks out of."

There was an agitated grunt from the other penguin. He was trying to run back to his lab again, typical. While the chemicals and smoke in the lab had likely dissipated by then, Rico found himself unreasonably upset that he was so eager to go back to it. So it was then that the psycho penguin decided they were playing a game; 'Keep the Kowalski away from his lab for as long as possible'.

Rico chuckled darkly to himself. This could be fun.

Kowalski was soon back on the ground, as the blanket was yanked out from under his feet. "And what was THAT all about?!"

Rico shrugged with a half-smile, already rolling the blanket back up for storage. "Ups, sorreh."

The taller penguin was up again soon enough, brushing himself off. "Well, never mind. I guess I'll, see you later, then."

He only took four steps, before his path was blocked by the same wall of meat and blubber he had collided with earlier. He scowled down at him. "Now what?"

A kite was shoved into his flippers, or rather his chest, roughly, winding him a bit. Rico let out a chain of gibberish that Kowalski translated to mean something along the lines of "we're going to do this now".

"Kite flying? Really? Pfft! As if! I barely had time for a picnic; I CERTAINLY don't have time for something as childish as kite flying!"

The kite was taken back. "Ih okay, jus' wah'me 'en."

"I don't have time for watching ei-"

And there was that face again. CURSE his weakness to all things even remotely resembling cuteness! The scientist sighed in defeat.

"Fine. I'm watching. But only for a second, and then I really need to get back to..."

"Whoo-hoo!" Rico was already off running with the kite, which was quickly gaining altitude.

Kowalski watched as he said he would; we watched the kite dip and dive, do loop-de-loops, barrel rolls, and things he wasn't even sure there was a name for. He noticed Rico grinning at him, pointing up at it. "Ah? Ahhh?"

The genius rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Please! I could pull maneuvers like that in my sleep!" he called.

"Nuh-ah!"

"Pfft, uh, yeah-HUH!"

"Proo' it!"

'Prove it'? Prove that he could do something as simple as let a piece of nylon catch wind? Please, simple child's play! Kowalski felt confident in his ability as he snatched the rope from his companion. He looked to the sky with a smug expression, as he gave the kite a tiny tug, as he prepared the toy to do an amazing stunt that would blow all of Rico's out of the metaphorical water!

He wasn't, however, prepared for the red and yellow kite to instantly nose dive itself straight into the ground- crashing rather violently. Kowalski threw down the spool of rope in frustration.

"Oh COME ON! What was THAT?!"

"SPEEEEW- CRASH!"

The taller penguin glared down at his teammate, as Rico began to laugh. He picked up the spool once more, before rolling it in so that the kite made its way back towards him. Kowalski grasped the trinket in his flippers tightly, before talking once more.

"Oh, would you quit that? It was merely a fluke! I merely forgot to factor in wind resistance and pulled one way harder than I should have. Mistakes happen, no big deal. Now watch as THIS time I get this bad boy up and flying and doing some sick tricks!"

Kowalski began to run; he let go of the kite, as it picked up air and went higher into the atmosphere. He grinned happily as he finally got it high enough.

"Ooooh yeaaah! Check THIS out!"

The scientist gave the smallest of pulls once more, this time it stayed up in the air. His smile grew wider as he tested it out and gave it another. Kowalski was able to get it to zigzag back and forth, when he turned towards Rico ecstatically.

"Woooah momma! Look at that baby go! See, I told you I could do it! Nothing to it. I mean, all you got to know is how to adjust yourself for the wind speed, and calculate how much of a resisting force you'd need to create to get it going. And YOU thought I couldn't do it! Look at you now! Just see how wrong you wer-"

Kowalski had been so focused on his gloating that he accidentally zigzagged the kite straight into a tree, where it became stuck in the branches. The scientist's right eye began to twitch as he felt his annoyance levels hit to an all time high. It was at that moment he went into berserk mode and started screeching loudly as he ran in circles, waving his flippers. Rico merely watched as he went back and forth, throwing a tantrum as he kicked rocks and broke twigs before running up to the tree where the toy was taken prisoner. The mad scientist tried shaking the trunk with all his strength.

"STUPID USELESS TREE! WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?! WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?! WHO NEEDS YOU? WE HAVE ENOUGH OXYGEN TO SURVIVE WITHOUT YOUR KITE STEALING FREELOADING!"

Suddenly the tree was vibrating and humming under the penguin's flippers, and he stared at it in wide-eyed bewilderment for a second, his previous rants suddenly forgotten. Thankfully, he realized what it was in time, and jumped back just as the tree slid; and it then toppled over with a crackling sound, revealing Rico and his chainsaw grinning manically on the other side.

"Tree's gone, goo' job 'Walski, yeeah!"

Kowalski couldn't tell if he was being mocked, or if Rico was genuinely attempting to make him feel better... or, alternatively, if he'd just been used as an excuse to destroy something.

"Ah, yes…That tree sure had it coming; dastardly douglas firs are the blight of the earth." The scientist smiled, if a little awkwardly, as he waddled away and went to go pick up the nylon trinket that had dislodged itself from the fallen timber. The space separating himself from his lunatic friend gave him enough of an edge to feel comfortable once more. "And I DO suppose it disentangled the kite,even if your methods were a tad on the extreme side. But, nevertheless, mission accomplished! Now I can REALLY show you up. This time. For real!"

The bulkier bird's eagerness grew from the challenge as he snatched the colorful toy from Kowalski's flippers. Rico liked challenges. He liked having people try to outdo him, and he especially liked when smug smartypants penguins were crushed into the ground by just how wrong they were. But, most of all…

He loved that annoyed and whining tone that he could emit from his eggheaded teammate. And his ears were graced by the wonderful sound as he began to run away- laughing- as Kowalski chased him.

"Rico! You can't just- get BACK here! Don't you fly that, I said I wanna to do it! Ricoooo!"

It was fair to say the two enjoyed themselves, as they continued to best each other. Sometimes the taller avian would actually accomplish a stunt he had set out to do, and other times the weapon's expert would just nose-dive the kite just to see it crash destructively as he gave it appropriate sound effects. Hours went by, and the sun began to set into dusk, as the two continued to laugh and just enjoy each other's company. Not once did Kowalski's mind drift back to the solitary confinements of his laboratory or his experiments. And when the two climbed into his bunk, worn out and exhausted from their evening about, both drifted straight to sleep.

Insomnia had been beaten.


	4. Friendship is Tragic

Time went by faster than the New Yorkers anticipated, as one day flowed into the next. Days easily became weeks as Central Park burst from green to red, as autumn settled itself into the city. In practically a blink, a month had passed since a certain commander zoo animal had discovered his two older soldiers sharing a bunk and had ordered his men to keep doing it. Rico, the weapon's expert of the team, didn't seem to mind the situation much as he had instantly fell into slumber night after night; he had become quite fond of his new teddy.

It had taken Kowalski a little longer to get over sharing his personal space, it had taken many nights of weighing the facts to convince himself there was nothing weird about two friends sharing a bunk.

While there were still nights when the scientist found himself uneasy and frozen all over again when a flipper would slip too far down or a roaming foot ended up in places it shouldn't have, he quickly learned that a Rico in slumber tends to stay in slumber, and he could easily re-situate any invading appendages without waking him. It was nights such as those that he had slight relapses and his brain would scream at him that oh YES this was weird, you bet it was ALL KINDS of weird.

However, on most nights, he had to admit, if only to himself, that he might actually miss the presence sharing his bed, should Skipper call off their arrangement. It was fascinating the calming effects a warm body had on the mind.

Even if it happened to be the body of a world-class psychopath.

And during that month, Rico had left Kowalski alone more and more to work in his lab; while some time away from it was certainly a good thing, too much time away from inventing tended to leave the guy kind of cranky and more snippy than usual. That wasn't to say the day in the park had been their last shared moment. Kowalski found himself spending more time outside his lab than he'd ever had before, and for once, of his own accord. Of course, it was mostly due to the discovery he tended to sleep better at night when he was physically tired, and when the day's drills and missions just weren't enough to do that, he could always count on Rico to find something that would inevitably exhaust him.

They had gotten much better at exiting the bunk in a non-clumsy way, as well, as was evident the morning all for commando penguins shot out of bed, landing on the concrete floor in classic battle-ready formation, after cries for help rang throughout the zoo.

"What the- was that the Ring-tail?"

"I think it was, Skippah! He sounds like he's in a spot of trouble, doesn't he..."

"... Kowalski, options? Ones that involve forgetting we heard that and going back to bed would be nice."

"Well, um... I suppose, hypothetically, we could go with that option... although it's probably not the most justified route to take."

Another cry for help ripped through the blissful early-morning silence.

"Buuut, on the other hand..." he began scribbling on his notebook. "I suggest noise-cancelling earmuffs." he held up his notepad, which had a crude drawing of said earmuffs on it, tapping it with the end of his pencil.

Private looked concerned, because looking concerned was one of the young cadet's specialities. "We can't do that, can we? Julien could really be hur-"

"UHHG! I KNOW!" Skipper threw his flippers up in defeat. "Let's move out, boys."

There was little room for doubt about the day being interesting and possibly fraught with danger, after the yelling had led them to the kangaroo habitat.

"Now now, Joey, let's not be too rash. King Julien didn't know what he was saying! He's just got a bad case of the stupid, is all.."

"Maurice! How can you be saying these things in your king's time of neediness!"

The penguins were bewildered by the scene before them. Not only by the fact that the kangaroo habitat was completely flooded, filled halfway to the top with pool toys scattered all about,but also by the fact that the home's owner was stuck right in the middle of the makeshift pond- atop his waist- as he held the lemur ruler in his grip.

Skipper was beyond confused, as he addressed the ones involved.

"What in the name of Yuansu's bow is going on here?! Joey-Explain!"

The kangaroo in question spared only a passing glare at the penguins, before his attention was back on Julien, but he answered anyway. Sort of.

"Oi! Joey doesn't take orders from you!" he shot back. Skipper shrugged.

"Fair enough. Ring-tail! Explain!"

The lemur was currently being suspended by the tail, and he struggled to get into a position where he could look at Skipper.

"Not that it is being any of your business, Mister Bossy Penguin, but I was TRYING to make my new, super amazing, super big, and super kingly swimming pool. I was thinking about having this really cool slide, right over there, see?"

The lemur twisted around to point over by the tree that was half submerged. Skipper raised a brow.

"A swimming pool? In the kangaroo habitat? Have you gone MAD?"

"Um, excuse you, but I think you be meaning my habitat, slash super-awesome-swimming-pool. As king, everything is belonging to me!"

There was an angry growl from the kangaroo, and he wound up to throw the lemur. "Oh yeah?! Well own THIS, why doncha?"

Julien screamed as he skidded across the water, both the penguins and Maurice cringed as he crashed into the side of the habitat. Mort looked on with wide eyes.

"Ohh, that looks ouchy..."

Joey began treading water towards the injured animal, albeit slowly due to being mostly submerged in water. "Joey's gonna ring your stubby little neck! Just as soon as he gets over there!"

Maurice bounded over to the penguins in a panic. "You gotta DO something! That guy's gonna cream King Julien! ... Eventually!"

"The question is, " the head penguin said as he rubbed his chin in thought, " Is that really a bad thing?"

Private looked horrified at the line of inquiry.

"Skipper….please tell me you're joking, sir. We can't just leave Julien to be smashed and possibly drowned by Joey! ...Even if he might actually deserve it a little."

"Oh, put away the sad eyes, Private." He rolled his eyes as he waved off his officer's concern. "We aren't going to just let the marsupial drown his royal pain-in-the rear….Not much, anyway.

"Alright, Kowalski, give me options."

The analyst quickly took out his notepad as he began to scribble down potential ideas for his leader. Kowalski's pencil moved over the page rapidly, as he finished up the sketch to show off to the others.

"Well, to solve the problem we might want to go to the source of it- the pool. I recommend removing the water. Hypothetically, it might please our anger prone Australian friend enough that he won't wish to hurt the lemur." Kowalski paused, " Or, at the very least, Julien won't drown. That's a start."

Skipper nodded in approval. "Sounds like a solid plan. Rico?"

Rico happily coughed up a stick of dynamite, and prepared to hop off of the wall, but stopped when Kowalski spoke up again. "Actually, Skipper... while theoretically we could breach the habitat wall and drain it that way, flooding the rest of the zoo in the process miiight just cause even more problems." he paused once again to pull out a map of the underground sewer system, from where no one knew or cared to ask. "I suggest digging a drain leading straight into the sewers under the zoo."

No one noticed the lack of groaning from a certain explosive psychopath at not getting to use any firepower. In fact, no one noticed he was smiling, either; not even Rico himself was aware he was smiling, as he watched the team genius trace a flipper tip along the map, outlining the best route for the drain.

Suddenly Maurice was panicking again. "Uh, guys? I don't mean to sound impatient or anything over here, but now would be a REALLY good time to do something... ANYTHING!" And indeed Joey had just about made it to the unconscious lemur.

"Private, Kowalski! Commence Operation: Lemur Keep Away, go!"

Private dove into the makeshift pool, rocketing toward Julien, coming up underneath and grabbing him away just before the angered 'roo reached for him, and hopped up onto the habitat wall once more, now holding a sopping wet king. Joey growled and struck out again, and the young recruit spun around and tossed him as hard as he could, and the limp body went sailing over Joey's head, where it was caught by Kowalski on the other side.

Rico was still smiling. Huh, that had been a pretty nice catch. It amazed him from time to time just how strong Kowalski was, for a guy who supposedly spent a good deal of his time exercising his brain and not much else.

The moths in Rico's stomach that he didn't remember swallowing began fluttering around again at that moment, and he socked himself hard in the stomach to quiet them down. "HUH-OOF!"

"Rico! You're on drain duty."

"Hah? Oh! Yeah okay, 'ou beh."

He horked up his drill-helmet and secured it atop his head, jumping in and diving to the habitat floor to begin the drain.

Meanwhile, Skipper felt a rare bolt of panic as Joey didn't bother going after Julien again, and instead swiped up Private. It didn't take long before Private was dropped, as the marsupial began flailing, struggling in a mad fury to get the penguin commander off of his head.

"Oh no ya don't, ya big floppy Easter Bunny! Leave the boy alone and take on a REAL man!"

Skipper used his body to cover the larger mammal's eyes as the kangaroo began to wildly swipe his arms through the air.

"'Ey! Joey can't see none! Get off, ya anklebiter!"

"Jokes on you," the lead penguin said smugly, as he dodged the fist that was coming at him, as the australian animal punched himself in the face, " but penguins don't HAVE teeth! Kowalski! Private! Defensive maneuver ' Synchronize'!"

The analyst had just finished handing off the lemur king to his loyal subjects, Maurice fanning him to wake him up as Mort began hugging his feet, when he heard his avian commander shout his orders. Kowalski quickly dived backwards, before swiftly swimming to the other penguins. The kangaroo looked beyond confused as the three birds began swimming around him, like sharks ready to attack their prey.

"Ya think somethin' like your silly swimming is goin' to scare Joey? Ha!"

Joey's laughter was cut short when Skipper shot up from the water and headbutted him in the chest. The large mammal "oofed" as he was winded. He glared as he went to swipe at his attacker, when Private shot out of the water and headbutted him as well. Penguin after penguin did this, taking turns as Joey tried to get his mitts on one of them.

Eventually, Joey's movements became less sluggish, and the penguins began losing leverage as the water level began to fall. The three aquatic birds took this as a sign that the mission had been completed, and following a silent mime command from Skipper, they ceased their assault and flipped up onto the wall once more with ease. Rico joined them seconds after, slipping out from under a manhole cover, smelling lightly of raw sewage.

Joey was left standing in a soggy, but water-free habitat, dripping wet and still angry... though notably less angry than before. "'Ay! What about this hole?! Joey could break his neck steppin' into that thing!"

Rico returned long enough to barf up a clod of dirt into the hole, tamping it down with his foot. "'Eru go."

The team of penguins frowned as the king made it clear he was fine and awake. Mort was roughly kicked off of the royal feet as he began to yell.

"What happened to my marvellous pool, Maurice?!"

Skipper sighed loudly. "Get Ring-tail OUT of here, would ya?"

Maurice began tugging him away toward their own habitat. "Come on, King Julien, time to go home..."

"No, I will NOT be coming on! I am wanting my kingly pool, and that is being the finally thing!"

There was a squelching sound as Joey began stomping after the lemurs again.

"Um, actually, now I am thinking the otter habitat might make a better one. You know, more roomy, and less..."

"Hurty?"

"Mort, shut up, okay?"

"Okay!"

And with that said, the lemurs scurried off as they were nearly swiped at by the kangaroo as he made it to the wall. He looked quite pleased with himself to see them gone, before throwing a mild glare over at the team of flightless birds that had rescued his home.

"You still here? Scram before I show you lot a REAL wallop!"

"No need for the testosterone, Bigfoot, we're outta here. You heard the mammal, men, time to skedaddle. We got morning drills before the kiddies get here."

* * *

The rest of the morning went by normal routine, as the penguins did their laps around the pool and morning sparring session. The avian commander was even filled with joy as he surprised his men with an unwarranted round of hot potato. Skipper took mental note how his brood was willing to sink to new lows in order to escape the bomb blowing up in their faces….and he liked it. Even innocent Private found himself willing to sacrifice niceties in order to remain explode-free.

Boy had the makings of a great soldier.

Ten rolled around fast, and Skipper's officers were relieved when their leader had to smother the wick of the bomb currently in play. School buses were already letting off children in front of the gates, as teachers began to rally them into some sort of organized fashion. Field trips may have been the bane of Alice's existence...but the zoo residents happened to be fond of all the extra attention.

A few hours had gone by, and the penguins were happily showing off their tricks to the children as the zookeeper was listlessly telling the kids about them. Skipper was in the middle of miming for his men to begin their synchronized swimming routine, when he overheard two juvenile humans over by the otter habitat chat loudly amongst themselves.

"That's a REALLY weird looking otter."

"Yeah, looks nothing like the other one. Though, kinda cool that it's wearing a hat."

"Kinda reminds me of my mom. Think the black and white one is the girl otter?"

"No doubt!"

Skipper was beyond suspicious. 'Black and white'? 'Wearing hats'? What the deuce, man? After Alice had finished explaining that male penguins are the main caretaker of the babies, she started leading the children to the next habitat. Giving a quick look around, the leader of the squad leaned in towards his men to whisper.

"Alright, boys, papa bird needs to fly the coupe for a minute or so. I think there might be something up over at the otter exhibit, and my gut is telling me to investigate. If any humans come by, keep them busy until I get back. Kowalski, you're in charge."

Kowalski saluted and failed to conceal the grin on his beak. "Aye-aye, Skipper!"

The inconspicuous bush was shocked to find the lemurs had supposedly taken over Marlene's habitat. Alright, so maybe not shocked, maybe more like annoyed with a side of gas; he'd suspected they'd head over here-mostly after Julien said they were- but he'd been wrong to assume Marlene would put up some kind of resistance, it seemed.

Skipper shed his shrubbery disguise and hopped out into the open, after spotting the habitat's owner hanging out by the side of the pool. Marlene turned and offered a wide smile at seeing her "undercover lover". "Skipper, hey! Youmphr uph-"

A flipper was pressed to her mouth, muffling her words before shutting her up. "Say no more, Marlene, I'll rid your home of its unfortunate lemur infestation in two shakes of a tail feather!"

A paw caught his flipper and Marlene was shaking her head. "What, no! No, see, they're guests, Skipper, not enemies. Guests."

Skipper wrinkled his beak. "Guests? Marlene, you can't be serious... it's the lemurs!"

The otter in front of him snorted before turning to gesture to Julien, who stood atop her water slide, grinning like the moron Skipper knew him to be. "Look at that guy. Go ahead, take a gooood look. Does that look like the face of a guy who wants anything but to have a good time?"

"Marlene, those were the exact last words of Johnson … or was it Manfredi? Anyway, it landed one or both of them in the stomach of a five-hundred pound grizzly bear."

Marlene stared at him in silence for a few moments. "Riiiight. Fine look, the kids love him!"

The penguin was taken aback. "Kids?!"

Julien rocketed down the slide, successfully back flipping twice before jack knifing into the water below. The human children watching cheered and laughed.

"See? Ah? Ahh?" Marlene coaxed. Skipper did not look impressed.

"I'm still not buying it. If you were being held hostage, and were unable to verbally tell me you needed my assistance, a simple wink would suffice. Just, putting that out there." said Skipper, offering a wink of his own.

"I am NOT his hostage! Why can't you- waaaiiit. Skipper, you're not, oh I don't know, jealous, are you?"

The penguin's jaw dropped for a moment, before he righted it with a glare.

"Jealous? Me? Of Ring-tail? What is there to be jealous of? Of being a prancy rear shaking idiotic mammal? Uh-uh. No, missy, I ain't 'jealous'."

Marlene crossed her arms, looking unimpressed.

"Uh-huh. Then what's the problem here, honey?"

Skipper was prepared to list a bazillion reason why this whole plan wasn't kosher. And at least a hundred and three of those reasons were just for the fact it was King Julien, let alone the things he could do to accidentally hurt his girlfriend or possibly destroy her home. But with the utterance of the sickly sweet nickname, the flightless bird found his arguments dying before they could hit his vocal cords.

Sentimentality struck again! Curse the otter! And curse his feelings! ….Maybe it wasn't too late to convince Kowalski to remove those…

Skipper coughed to clear his throat, as he looked away- this time his own flippers crossed.

"Alright. Fine. You do whatever you want. But I'm telling you, Marlene, my gut tells me this ain't gonna end pretty. And in all my years, even during the sasquatch war of '82, my gut hasn't failed me yet."

The otter leaned towards her paramour, confident that they were hidden enough from the viewing public, when she placed a kiss on the side of the penguin's beak. She remained close, even afterwards, as she grasped onto his flipper in comfort.

"It's okay, Skipper. And it will continue to BE all right. I mean...it's just letting Julien use my pool. No big. What could go wrong?"

Skipper shot her a sharp look at that moment. "Marlene, do you really want to open THAT can of worms? I'll have you know I have thought through and documented every possible thing that could ever go wrong in any scenario. Including this one. We'd be here all night! And possibly the next day."

Marlene shook her head. "Hello, rhetorical question. Just relax, would you? It'll be fine, you'll see!"

The commando penguin suddenly back flipped away, which likely would have startled anyone else, but this otter was used to such things by now. "Oh, I'll see, alright! I'll be watching..." he began slowly backing away, waving his flippers out in front of him. "silently! Like the wind. Except more silent... but just as invisible! You didn't see anything." he backed up until he was behind the bush he'd used as a cover earlier.

"Actually, I can still see you."

"...Really?" There was a rustling sound as he resituated himself. "What about now?"

Marlene groaned in frustration. No matter how strongly she felt for the crazy penguin, his esoteric brand of paranoia still had a way of grating on her nerves. Following the groan came a sigh of defeat.

"Skipper, why don't you join us? You know, have a little fun? Is a little fun going to kill you?"

"It might."

"Skipper-"

"THE WIND, MARLENE! Would you talk to the wind? Huh? Would you?!"

She was about to reply, when Julien shouted from atop the slide, dancing to the beat of his boombox. "Marlene, hey! If you are being done talking to de shrub thingy, get over here and be appreciating my groove thingy!"

The otter gave one last glance towards her overly suspicious boyfriend, before shaking her head. She smiled at him, despite everything, before turning and yelling back towards her lemur guest.

"Alright, Julien, I'm coming! You should TOTALLY do that spinny backflip move again. The crowd was eating it up!"

Skipper watched as his flame walked off, before diving into the pool with the other mammal. He remained in his shrubbery disguise a few minutes longer as he just watched the two of them play and splash about. He glared. Oh, Marlene was wrong. So very very wrong. So very wrong that she was going to rue the day she didn't just asked for him to kick their tail out of her habitat. He knew Julien. He knew what he was like. The penguin knew he messed up everything he could get his dirty little mitts on, and how he took advantage of even the littlest kindness thrown his way.

It was only a matter of when, really.

But Skipper could wait, and he would. He would be waiting for the otter to be crawling back to him, showing him just how wrong she was. And Skipper would forgive Marlene for her naive generous behavior, because it was a part of her that he had also grown very fond of, as he patted her on the back and promised to fix her problem. And the flightless bird would do it, while only mildly rubbing in how wrong his love was. It was the way it was meant to go.

It was just a matter of time.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at penguin HQ ...

"No, no, no! It's a sixty degree turn, and double front flip, at half velocity! HOW is that so difficult to understand?!"

Rico climbed back up on the concrete island, exhausted and out of breath. But instead of complaining, he got to his feet and prepared to jump again. "Awri', I ga'it this 'ime."

Private sat not far away, watching the scene, already done following Kowalski's stupidly complicated orders... especially now that there was no one left to perform for, anyway; everyone seemed to be gathered over by the otter habitat for some reason. Rico still seemed to be determined to get them right, however, no matter how many times it took. This kind of thing was common lately; the hefty storage unit had seemed nothing but eager to please Kowalski as of late, and his efforts usually went unnoticed by anyone but Private, or met with cold indifference. It was obvious Rico was trying desperately to gain the brainiac's friendship, and even more obvious he was failing miserably, and it was becoming painful to watch.

"UGH! STILL wrong! I simply cannot WORK under these conditions! I need a break." Kowalski disappeared down the hatch, leaving Private and Rico alone up top.

Rico plopped down limply a few feet away from Private, sighing so sadly, it was almost as pathetic as the expression he wore. Private couldn't take it anymore; something had to be done.

"Um, Rico? I couldn't help but notice your efforts, of sorts, in trying to befriend Kowalski..."

Rico cocked a brow at the little bird beside him. "B'fren?"

"Yes, you know, friendship? You've been really nice to Kowalski lately, but I don't think he's noticed, has he?"

Rico didn't say anything. Ouch. He shook his head, instead. No, he hadn't noticed.

"You've been going about it in all the wrong ways! And I think I can help you! What do you say?"

Was that what this alien feeling was he'd been experiencing? This nauseating fluttery sickness that just wouldn't go away? Was it friendship? Rico wasn't sure whether he liked it or not. But he did like accomplishing the things he was supposedly trying to do. "Um... okay."

The private smiled before clapping his flippers jovially. He then settled down next to the older penguin as he began to give suggestions.

"Well, usually to make friends you need to spend more time around the one you want to be chums with. I see you've sort of done that, with getting Kowalski out of the lab more. But...you know how he is, not really the most sociable penguin, is he?"

Rico shook his head, though he agreed with the comment.

"Uh-uh, nada."

"Yes, well...the Lunacorns say that 'nothing says friendship like common interests and hugging away the sads'. And I don't think Kowalski is really sad...But I DO think you guys can get to being better friends by doing things you both like doing together! Or at least, take a notice and try to get into the things HE likes to do for fun."

Rico rolled his eyes. Uhg, Lunacorns again, he should have known. Still, the young soldier's enthusiasm was contagious somehow, and he figured this plan couldn't hurt.

Actually, Rico thought, it very well could hurt, it could hurt very badly. Kowalski's "for fun" activities were sciency things, and helping him do sciency things in the past had resulted in PLENTY of pain. Being electrocuted on purpose was likely his least favorite.

The weapons expert rose to his feet, but he didn't exactly look confident about the plan. He was slouching more than usual and a look of utter dread had settled across his face, as he looked toward the hatch.

"Aw, don't look so sad, Rico! I'm sure this plan will work. It always works for the Luna-"

The hatch clanged shut and Rico was gone. "-corns. Huh. I guess he was more gung-ho about this plan then he'd let on. Good on him, I suppose."

* * *

Of course Kowalski was in his lab. It was where he always went when he "needed a break"... or was excited, or bored, or had a headache, or a million other things. Kowalski was in his lab, unless there was any reason NOT to be.

As he reached for the door handle, Rico silently hoped it would be locked. He let out the breath he had been holding in a defeated sigh as it turned easily under his flipper, and the door creaked open. Great.

Rico stepped into the dark... why was it always dark in here lately? It never used to be. He made a mental note to chalk it up to the author forgetting that not all mad scientist labs were dark and dreary and spooky.

"... 'Walski? You 'ere? H'lo?" He figured being quiet this time was a better tactic than his previous ones. He remembered being yelled at before, and he wrinkled his beak as the word "penguin goo" resurfaced in his mind.

It took Rico a moment to realize there was a small blue-violet light coming from the corner of the room. The weapon's expert- more focused on his curiosity- closed the door behind him as he entered deeper into the lab and towards the strange hue. It was only as he came closer did he not only see some red and yellow shapes glowing with it...but he also heard a peculiar humming sound as well. Coming even closer to the sound and lights, the hefty penguin smiled to himself as he realized the tune was coming from the slight glowing outline of the very bird he had been looking for. Kowalski was lost to his own world of science; large earphones were attached to his head, as he was busy holding a strange rectangular shaped purple lightbulb in his right flipper.

"Hmm hmmhmm mmhmm," The scientist hummed to himself, as he slightly swayed his body to his music's beat, " And now she's making love to meee. Hmm hmm, do dum dum dee. She blinded me with science! Hmm hmm! She blinded me with science! OH BABY, and hit me with that sweet SWEET technology!"

Rico didn't have to be a genius to tell Kowalski was ad libbing a line here and there.

He almost hated to interrupt him, and probably would have just left, had the scene in front of him not made him forget his trepidations. Besides, now he was genuinely curious as to what Kowalski was doing, and if it would eventually explode or not.

He kind of hoped it would.

A flipper lightly tapped the scientist on the shoulder.

The taller penguin jumped as he hollered a shrill shout of surprise. He twisted himself around, back leaned against his work bench, as he held up his lightsource to help him see who had intruded into his lab. Kowalski nearly shrieked again as he saw a monstrous face greet him, before his eyes focused enough to make out the details in the shadows and luminescence. He sighed as he relaxed in the slightest when he realized it was only his fellow teammate.

"Rico!" Kowalski removed his headphones, as he clapped his flippers together. The lights of the laboratory instantly set the room ablaze in normal luster, as the two flightless birds could see once more. Rico was busy rubbing his eyes, slightly blinded by the sudden introduction of light, as the scientist put down his strange purple glowing device before confronting the muscular avian once more.

"Dear LORD, man! Is this a new running theme, or something? ALWAYS with the sudden intrusion! Trying to give me a heart attack?!"

Rico frowned. "'Ay! Naw muh faul' 'oo coun't 'ear me." his flippers went to either side of his head as if he were wearing headphones of his own, and began mimicking the swaying motions Kowalski was making earlier. "Ooo-oo, science!"

The scientist stiffened, as it finally dawned on him that he had been caught in the act of one of his private pleasures. While it was common knowledge that music and analytical thinking shared housing in the same parts of the brain, and that music could even help with concentration, it still wasn't something he liked to publically partake in often. Feeling his face grow hotter- no doubt he was blushing- Kowalski scoffed as he crossed his arms and looked away.

"You can't blame a guy for enjoying the classics! Besides, it seemed to fit the mood- I WAS busy doing...you know...science...things." Rico didn't look convinced, as the taller penguin threw his flippers in there air from frustration. "Oh, what? You don't believe me?"

The explosive's expert leaned towards the right, as he looked around the analyst to see just what he had been up to. Besides the weird light, Rico saw random glass disks filled with strange gloops of green mush and a beaker of smelly liquid. Next to the glass containers, however, WAS something he recognized as the scarred bird raised a brow.

"'inach? Oo akin' lunch?"

"What? NO! Not- no, not lunch! This is a side project I've been working on for a while. See, THIS," Kowalski held up the lightbulb he was holding earlier," is a UV-A light. You know, a blacklight? Those things you sometime see in those clubs you frequent from time to time with your insect companions? The ones that make all those crazy neon colors...You know what I'm referring to, don't you? I'm not just rambling to myself for no reason, yes?"

Oooh. Yeah, those things. Rico nodded. This seemed to please the scientist.

"Good! Well, YOU SEE, UV-A lights have the special ability of emitting ultraviolet light and are mostly used to pick up florescence substances that can't normally be seen by the naked eye. And THAT'S where the spinach comes in. Plants produce a form of photosynthetic protein called 'chlorophyll'. It's the reason why most vegetables are green. WELL, chlorophyll, when mixed with an acid, ends up emitting a red glow under blacklight. Which is what this...to use the technical term,'goob' comes from."

Kowalski pointed to the glass disk, before pointing his flipper at the smelly liquid.

"The beaker, however, is simply a mix of crushed vitamin B-12 tablets and vinegar. That has a more yellowish glow, compared to the spinach. Now, you see...my thought behind the fluorescence experiment was to try to use it against enemies in battle. Inspiration struck from the zoo's new insect exhibit, and our new scorpion residents. The exhibit notes that some places like Arizona tends to use blacklights in order for the humans to avoid being attacked at night. My theory is that this might ALSO be useful to us. Just imagine! Being attacked by some freaky mutated super ninjas! Oh! They think they can hide in the dark, huh? WELL NOT TODAY! Throw out a can of spinach vapor, and BOOM! We can instantly see all the enemies and instantly take them out! It's pure GENIUS!"

Now Rico was excited, too, and grinning like a fool. It seemed enthusiasm of all kinds was contagious! "Boom?"

Soon he was trying to reach around said enthusiast, and grab the vial, but Kowalski was doing his best to keep the hefty penguin at bay, by using himself as a barrier and not letting him get close enough.

"C'mon, leh me 'elp!"

"'Help?'" The brainiac penguin looked mildly concerned as he twisted his body to shield his precious equipment from the crazed bird. "Er, I'm not so sure how great of a plan that is. Remember the LAST time you tried to aid and assist me in an experiment?"

Rico thought it over as he tried to recall which "last time" he was referring to. Because his brain could readily list all the times when he had been a pretty great assistant and handing him tools as he built gizmos and whoozits, and how he had been a very agreeable test subject to his weird concoctions or desire to try weapons on him. However, if he meant the one time where he just haaappened to mistake his fish-shaped tracking device as food…

Yeah, okay, that was COMPLETELY his bad.

The weapon's expert sighed as his body slouched from disappointment. Well, there went THAT plan. Way to go, Lunacorns, your advice failed instantly. Rico, feeling slightly queasy from the sudden sinking feeling he felt in his gut, began to turn and waddle away so Kowalski could be alone to do his…THINGS without him.

Rico, however, was surprised when the analyst suddenly called out to him.

"Rico, wait! I...Well, THIS particular experiment is still in early phases and doesn't really require assistance." Kowalski paused as he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, "BUT, you know...Um, I DO have a few other projects that could use a helping flipper. What do ya say? Want to...help?"

It was surprising how quickly such a large penguin could move; in a flash, Rico was standing before him again, and his eager expression had returned. He hopped from foot to foot, and Kowalski wasn't sure he was aware he was doing so.

Rico didn't even care if these projects involved being electrocuted, or shot, or set on fire, or turned into a toad. So long as this meant he hadn't messed up, after all. Maybe they could still do the friendship thing.

"Uh-huh!"

"Yes, well," Kowalski began, as he turned away and pulled out a clipboard that had his notes of experiments he had on his to-do list," I do have a few things that should be simple and readily doable that we could test out today. There's the anti-pressure pill, the empathy chip is definitely on the list, oh! And then there's the coffee beans I've been synthesizing to taste like atlantic salmon. Always a must have, you know. And then there's the-"

"Feesh! Ooo! Feesh, feesh, FEESH!"

The scientist actually managed to laugh as he looked up from his notes and saw his companion dancing in place from excitement.

"Alright, I see we have a biased party here. Experiment number 246 it is!"

Rico's excitement only seemed bubble more, as Kowalski placed a flipper on his back and lead him to the opposite side of the lab. Sure, the moth's in his stomach were also flapping their wings crazily as he was very aware of the other penguin's touch...But he was also too thrilled that Private's plan seemed to be working to care much about it. Plus, you know...Fish! No, Rico was far too happy to care.

Besides, what could go wrong?

* * *

Everything was going so so HORRIBLY wrong!

Sure, at first it all SEEMED like it was going to go swell. The weapon's expert and fish enthusiast of the team had first tried out the salmon latte that the eggheaded member of the group had offered him. He had happily drunk cup after cup, as he enjoyed the frothy flavors. Kowalski seemed pleased as he had jotted down in his notes that it was a success. And it would have all been fine if it stopped there.

But with most things involving Kowalski and his experiments, it did not end there. It did not have a happy ending. And it most certainly DID backfire on the heftier penguin.

Rico had been unreasonably optimistic when he was strapped into the chair, and his optimism didn't deter even as the "suction cup thingies" and brain-scanner were placed upon his head.

A television screen was pulled down from the ceiling in front of him, and Kowalski stood beside him, with a remote control.

"This simple test should determine how long a violent and twisted mind can last, before shattering into a million tiny pieces, when exposed to something... horrible."

The penguin strapped to the chair brightened, and his tongue lolled out. Something horrible? Rico enjoyed horrible somethings. "Oooo."

"And, if all goes according to plan, we may be able to use this as a relatively humane way of extracting information." He clicked the remote, and the TV flashed to life. "Stay strong, Rico."

Regret instantly began flooding Rico's mind as the Lunacorns theme song began to play, accompanied by a herd of pastel-colored horses dancing across the screen. The weapon's expert turned his head as he saw the scientist put on sound cancelling headphones as he began to study the readings on his computer. Great, so Rico really was in this alone. He turned back to face the screen just as the theme song ended and colorful horses were sitting in a pink room, having a tea party.

"Oh," said the first one, who Rico instantly recognized as the doll that private carried with his all the time, " I do so love having tea with friends!"

"Indeed, " said the other, this one a bright pink pony with antennas and butterfly wings, " and you certainly throw the BEST tea parties, Princess Self Respectra!"

"It's only fun when shared with such good pals like you, Lady Tra-La-La!"

Oh man, Rico was starting to feel sick already, as his stomach churned over the sickly sappy friendship is magic garbage. Or whatever the heck they were phrasing it as! The hefty bird's plight must have been helpful, however, as Rico could hear Kowalski muttering ecstatically to himself as his pencil scribbled speedily back and forth across his page. Knowing he was doing good and assisting the one he wanted to be closer to seemed to kill the nauseating feeling slightly, as he looked back at the rainbow-vomit horses in front of him. Not much, mind you, but enough that he was determined to sit through the horrors in order to give the best notes that he could!

"Oh, Self Respectra, you are my bestest best friend!"

"Oh Lally! I love you more than I love sunshine and puppy kisses!"

Rico felt like he was going to upchuck everything he ever ate his whole life.

Then came the hugging. A low growl rumbled in Rico's throat before he was aware it was himself making the noise. Not that he was in any state of mind clear enough to care either way at this point. The friendship plan was forgotten, as his stomach contents gurgled and frustration levels rose.

The growl turned into angry yelling as he began to thrash against his restraints. All he was aware of was an intense need to get the heck away from these rainbow-spewing sparkle monsters.

Kowalski didn't hear the commotion through his headphones, but the sudden spike on the monitors had him looking back in shock. He threw off the headphones and scrambled for the remote in a panic; the budget wasn't going to allow him a new chair like that one for quite awhile, and he supposed he'd gathered sufficient information for now, anyway.

Once the television was turned off, Rico stopped yelling and struggling, but he was still glaring dangerously and breathing heavily. The scientist quickly released him from the chair, and Rico shot up and headed straight for the exit.

"Rico, wait! We haven't even tested out the Peruvian stink bomb immunity theory yet!"

The lab door clanged loudly shut, as a very peeved-looking Rico stomped out, shoving Private, who had been apparently standing there waiting, out of his way.

"I take it things didn't go very swimmingly then? The friendship didn't happen?"

Rico was already headed up the ladder. "NO MO' FREN'SHIP!"

And he was gone; he needed to go shoot something, or blow something up, ANYTHING to get rid of the sparkle-glitter he felt he was covered in.

"Oh, dear. Well, no reason we can't try something else!"

The room suddenly felt very empty to Private, and talking to himself wasn't helping. He grabbed his Lunacorn doll, and raised his voice to a falsetto. "You sure are a good friend, for helping Rico like that, Private!"

"Aw, you're making me blush, Princess Self-Respectra..."

The words from his precious dollie did make the younger penguin feel better...However, he couldn't help but think back to his two teammates- and especially to the explosive's expert. Rico had been so enthusiastic and ready to become best friends with Kowalski, that it would be such a shame to let it end just like that! So no, his first plan didn't help the two…

But Private wasn't ready to give up just yet!


	5. Trials and Tribulations

"Huh...I can't decide which color I like more. What do you think, Julien: Periwinkle or Purple Pizzazz?"

The king of the lemurs was laying down on the wooden lawnchair next to the owner of the otter habitat, as he was painting his own toenails. It had been a wonderful day, as far as Marlene was concerned. She might not have been used to house guests, let alone spending time with the likes of Julien all day...But to her surprise, everything had been going swimmingly! The kids had been drawn to her exhibit all day, as the two mammals wowed the crowd with different aquatic tricks. They had been able to keep it up until closing, much to the delight of the otter. Marlene, though she preferred to think of herself as humble, did have the slightest bit of ego to her. Mix that with the royal Madagascar prosimian's vast amount of haughtiness, and the two were able to draw and feed off the attention. It was now a good hour after the zoo had shut its gates, and things were STILL going swell!

Skipper really didn't know what he was talking about.

King Julien looked up from his royal feet, as he looked over at the female mammal.

"Oh, totally be going with de pizzazz! It's just so...so WOW inspiringness!" Julien looked back at his toes as he finished off his last nail. "Besides, periwinkle is being looking better on ME anyway."

Suddenly, the lemur recoiled from the bottom of his chair, as Maurice popped up. "Smoothie's ready, your Majesty!" It was apparent that the smile Maurice was offering along with the smoothie was fake, but at least it was convincingly fake.

"Maurice, you almost smeared my Periwinkle with your enormous fuzzy head!"

The fake smile vanished. "I'm... sorry? Won't happen again. ... And for the record, my head ain't that big." the last part had been mumbled more than spoken. He tried offering the drink again, only to receive an impatient stare instead. The shorter lemur stood there awkwardly, not sure what was expected of him now.

"Maurice, how am I supposed to be drinking de delicious smoothie, when it is so far away from my face?"

Maurice's expression fell deadpan, as he made his way over to King Julien's side, holding up the beverage so he could drink.

"Much better! Okay, go away now."

Julien turned to Marlene, who'd been watching with a slight sympathetic look. "It is so hard to be finding help that isn't, you know, really stinky at the helping part."

Marlene opened her mouth to reply, but only a startled yelp came out as Maurice popped up again, this time next to her, offering her a smoothie. "And here's yours, m'am."

Marlene smiled, and took the drink. "Aw, thank you, Maurice."

The aye-aye's shocked expression turned into a smile- a genuine smile- in a second. "Oh, uh... you're welcome!" and he returned to the bar with a bounce in his step. Being thanked was new for Maurice.

"Mort, start fanning faster! So dat my toes can be drying more evenly."

The little mouse lemur, already exhausted from using such a large fan, only grinned wide, more than happy to be serving the royal toes.

Er, his king. Serving the royal king, of course. "Okaaaay, fanning faster now!"

Binoculars peered out, unnoticed, from the foliage of a nearby tree. Skipper scowled at what he was seeing. "Painting their toenails? This is worse than I ever could have imagined! ... Okay, so maybe not worse than I could have imagined, because let's face it, I can imagine some pretty horrible scenarios. But definitely worse than anyone who ISN'T me could have imagined!"

He continued to watch... any second now, Marlene could come crying to him, begging him to take Julien away. He watched as she took some grapes from a bowl Maurice was offering.

"Aaaany second now."

Skipper continued to scrutinize the habitat before him, eyes trained with hawk-like proficiency, as he waited for any sign from his lover of distress. For a moment he almost popped out of the tree, exposing his whereabouts and cover, before he realized his otter girlfriend had merely sneezed. The trained bird slumped back onto the branch as he put down his binoculars. Even without them he could see the group laughing as King Julien made some sort of idiotic comment or another.

"Huh," the penguin said to himself as he pulled out a tape recorder- this time prepared," Skipper's Log, October and now: After watching my targets, I can't help but feel that I may be wrong. But...that's CRAZY, right? I mean, my gut is never wrong! But look at the FACTS! Mar-...I mean, citizen codenamed: el tamal caliente, actually seems to be enjoying herself. And I guess…"

Skipper paused the tape recorder as he sighed. He gathered his thoughts before letting the device record himself once more.

"And I guess, possibly, there is a shadow of a doubt that i could have actually been...wrong. Still think that's not the case, mind you, but I guess there is even a chance of pigs flying outside of Cincinnati. Darn Cincinnati swine! Note to self, Skipper's Log, get Kowalski to find out how they do that. I don't trust 'em!"

The avian commander gave one last glance towards Marlene and her guests, before turning off his documentation contraption, and stealthily slid out from the tree. He trekked back to the base in silence, still not able to get over the ominous feeling that something was going to go astray.

The all-too familiar whoosh of a flamethrower reached his earholes, before he even reached the penguin habitat, along with just as familiar maniacal cackling. His team attack dog was sailing paper airplanes into the air, before reducing them to black powder mid-flight with an over-powered flamethrower, and laughing at their demise.

The act was put on hold, however, as Skipper somersaulted onto the concrete island, and Rico turned to face him, trying and failing to hide the weapon behind his back. "Eh heh heh... 'aye Skipp'r."

Skipper waved him off. "Don't stop on my account, soldier. Some mindless destruction may be just what I need to mend a shattered ego."

Rico grinned at that, hoisting the weapon upon his shoulder again, and prepared to launch another paper victim. "Okay! ... Way'"

He lowered it and turned back to Skipper.

"Whas' wrong?"

"Oh, nothing much. There's just this little, tiny... miniscule even... itty-bitty, possibility that I may have... beehemong."

The commander had coughed into his flipper on that last part, obscuring the words.

"Hah?"

I said there's a slight possibility I could have be-heh-heh."

"Wha'?"

Skipper scowled and his eye began to twitch. "I WAS WRONG, OKAY?!"

Rico dropped his flamethrower and gasped loudly. Skipper? Wrong? Was that even possible?

"Yeah, I know- even I didn't know it was possible! But I need to face the facts, wrong is wrong...and I was just that." Skipper sighed before having his belly wildly growl at him. Even the crazed demolition psychopath of the team flinched away at the vicious noise. "Now to just convince the ol' gut on this matter…"

The taller penguin looked at his commander sympathetically. Sounded to him like the leader just needed something to distract him from his problem. Looking down at his webbed feet, Rico's gaze landed on the weapon he had dropped from surprise. He "ooo-ed", before excitedly kicking the gun into his flippers and then throwing it over at the other flightless bird. Skipper easily caught it, as Rico upchucked another paper airplane and held it up encouragingly.

"Fwoosh?"

Skipper smiled, understanding his officer's intentions.

"Oh, anytime- let it fly, soldier!"

And so Rico did. He regurgitated one after the next, throwing them into the air as fast as he could. The avian commander whooped and hollered as he let a stream of flames burst forth from the end of the gun. One, two, fourteen, forty-two- Skipper burned down every plane, as the paper and ashes rained down from the sky.

Rico couldn't help but smile at his commanding officer's jovial reaction to burning the tiny airplanes to cinders; when all else failed, they would always share a love of meaningless violence and excessive force in common. It was nice to see his woes seemed to have been forgotten for the time being.

The psychopath's smile faltered slightly, and he sighed. Now if only he could sort out his own issues…

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the otter exhibit everything was going just dandy. If anyone was to ask the owner of the habitat about her day, Marlene would tell them that she was having an AMAZING time! She wasn't used to being pampered and treated like royalty; but, because the guest of her home WAS just that, the kindness of his servants had been reaping rewards for herself as well. After she and King Julien had finished their nails and smoothies, they both received the most heavenly massages. Oh man, Maurice had hands like some sort of god! If she hadn't already been a spoken for woman, and deeply in love with her secret paramour…

But that was besides the point. Massages did not equal to love and affection, after all; yet, that didn't stop her from enjoying the soothing sensations all the same. Mort, himself, had been busy giving Julien a massage that the king had been melting into. Marlene had peeped her eyes open during her blissful experience and smiled at how pleased both of the lemurs were in this exchange. Though, the otter could see Mort eyeing the royal feet every so often, as he practically salivated over the mere thought of possibly getting to touch them.

...Okay, admittedly that was just sliiiightly leaning more on the creepy side than the cute side of things.

After the massages, she and Julien ended up just laying around and chatting. The King had been busy discussing his favorite subject- himself- as he went on and on about what life was like in Madagascar before he came to the zoo.

"Oh! And we had been havin' da bestest booty bumpings in all of Madagascar! You American zoo-y peoples just don't be knowing how to do de dancings properly. Too much stiffiness and not enough loosey-gooseying!"

The otter beside him was only half-listening. Which, under any other circumstances, would have been incredibly rude, but a girl can only take a few straight hours of a guy talking about himself at a time before her attention begins to grow bored and wander.

"Oh yeah? Huh. That's very interesting."

Marlene was quite literally yanked from her wandering thoughts as her paw was suddenly grabbed, and she was roughly pulled up and out of her chair by Julien.

"Yes, it IS very interesting!"

His free arm wrapped around the otter's back, bringing them chest-to-chest, and face-to-face. She tried her best to recoil away, even while inches from the lemur's deep, golden gaze. "Let me be showing you what it is I am meaning."

Lucky for both of them, as one more second of that would have had Marlene belting him, the moment ended there, as Julien dropped her and began shaking his booty to the beat of a drum only he could hear. "Yeah! See? Are you seeing dis? And dis move right here, THIS is where da loosey-goosies come in."

Marlene watched with unimpressed boredom. "Yeah, that's... that's, something, alright. I don't know what, exactly, but It's definitely something."

Julien didn't hear her; he was too wrapped up in his own little world of groove. He also didn't notice his groove grooving too close to Marlene, as he booty-bumped her across the habitat, where she collided with a tree.

Yeah, okay, that hurt. A lot. But it was just an accident! Accidents happen, sometimes! Doesn't mean anything besides that! This is still salvageable, the day will remain super awesome like it had been! So, though seeing stars around her head, Marlene pulled herself from the tree as she dizzily made her way back to the dancing king to join him. She smiled widely, not at all natural and actually hurting in the slightest. But she was a tough gal and she withstood the pain.

She refused to believe Skipper was right.

* * *

A good amount of time had gone by since Rico had last made his attempt at friendship with the scientist of the team. Kowalski was still in his lab, busily working away on something or another, as the remainder of the team was out in the main part of the base, doing a little R n' R. Skipper, the leader of the team, had been doing much better since his mindless demolition and destruction of helpless paper airplanes, and had continued to occupy his mind with different activities. As of that very moment he was enjoying making yet another ship in a bottle. A tongue poked out from the side of his beak as he concentrated on painting yellow stripes on the sides of the vessel. The "HMS Victory" was a proud English ship, and while he had no Queen pride, even Skipper could admit that the vessel was a true naval warrior and deserved the best darn paintjob his flippers could muster!

Meanwhile, sitting at the same table as their leader was the weapon's expert and the youngest officer. They were in the middle of a game of cards as Rico, himself, concentrated on his hand. Private happily waddled his feet as he sat and waited for the penguin to make his move.

"Uuum, got n' oos?"

"Sorry, Rico," Private said with a slight frown, " but I don't seem to have any twos. Go fish?"

"FEEEESH!"

The crazed soldier slapped his flipper onto the table, excitedly picking up the first card he could grab from the pile between him and his playing buddy. He practically vibrated in his seat from anticipation as he couldn't wait to see if he finally caught the promised fish. He frowned when he merely picked up a nine of clubs.

"Aw, no feesh."

Rico was beginning to think the fish was nothing but a lie. A hoax, a scam, a ploy to get innocent penguins to play with cardboard rectangles until their brains melted from boredom.

A lot of things were like that, Rico thought. You try and try to catch that fish, and in the end you turn up empty-flippered with your brain melted.

"Rico?"

"Uh?"

"I asked if you had any sevens..."

"Oh, um. Nuh-uh. Go feesh."

You won't catch it, though, thought Rico.

Private didn't go fish. He just sat watching his teammate, wearing the worried expression he'd perfected over the years. "You were thinking about Kowalski again, weren't you?"

Had he been? He remembered thinking about fish. How did Kowalski relate to fish?

"I 'unno."

Private set his cards down and gave a sympathetic smile. "It's alright, I know how frustrating it can be when things just aren't going your way. But I do happen to have another idea, if... you'd like to try again?"

Rico's first reaction was to outright refuse; after what the LAST plan had put him through, he was NOT going to go through with another one. ... But, if it meant he didn't have to play cards anymore...

Suddenly, Skipper had joined them at the table, his ship in a bottle currently on hold on the other table. "What about Kowalski? Has he not been sleeping again? Talk to me, I need answers, PRONTO!"

"Oh! No, Skipper, we aren't talking about his sleeping. He's been fine! ...Hasn't he?" After Rico vigorously nodded his head in agreement, the youngest penguin smiled once more and continued on. "Rico's just having a little problem in the friendship department with Kowalski, is all. Doesn't seem to be going well at all, really."

The avian commander glared as he fought the urge to slap the both of them upside their clueless heads.

"Don't be ridiculous! You boys already ARE friends! Amigos! Family, and all that jazz. A team is anything and everything, trust and love, and they got your back no matter what. Don't be letting Papa Bird be hearing this 'not friends' nonsense!"

Private shook his head "Oh, we know all of that, Skipper! They are friends; but Rico wants to be BEST chums with Kowalski."

The demolition expert at the table really wished he could disappear at that moment. Talking about friendship with Private was one thing, but admitting it to Skipper was just... embarrassing. He buried his face in his flippers and pretended to do so, groaning pathetically when it didn't work.

"...Best friends? Rico, you? Are you going soft on me, soldier?"

"MEDABRIM-A-GOMABRAH!"

Sure, he hadn't spoken any actual words that time, but both of his teammates understood him perfectly, nevertheless.

"You don't know what's wrong with you, huh? Well, no matter, I'm sure your intentions are good. Sickly sweet, and steeped in girly rainbow-sparkle-glitter, but good!"

Rico slammed his head into the table a few times.

"Besides, a little friendship-strengthening may do us all some good! Private, add a Friendship-Building Week to the calendar."

The youngest officer squealed happily, before quickly getting up and running to where the calendar was. Looking at what they had for the current month, the soldier looked at what was already scheduled.

"Sir," Private began as he pointed at the drawings," should I put it before or AFTER 'Soups-a-Plenty week'?"

"Woah, man, that's not even a proper question! OBVIOUSLY we do it AFTER the soup convention; we need our strength to fight off all the crazy tourists and their sick and dastardly soup-obsessed ways!"

The response made sense to the young cadet, as he quickly took out a crayon and drew a rainbow on the calendar. He then turned around and cheerfully waddled back as Skipper rolled his eyes at the drawing. Rainbows. Always with the rainbows with that kid.

"So, Rico, what has our young Private been doing SO far to help you win the oh so desired 'best friendship' of Kowalski? What, did he convince you two to hug it out and sing some nancy-pancy campfire songs?"

Rico just glared at the table, but Private took interest. "Ohh, hugging! Skipper, that's a good one!"

The hefty psychopath pushed himself away from the table. He hopped down from his chair. He scuffled over to Private, who just smiled at him. The smile vanished as Rico slapped him across the back of his head.

"Ow! Skipper!"

"No, Rico's right, Private; those two do enough hugging during their little sleepovers."

Whatever dignity Rico had gained back was stripped with that, and he deflated. "Ah man, c'mon, gimmeh break..."

Skipper took some pity on his officer as he got up from the table to make himself a cup of coffee. He waddled over to the device as he turned it on and waited for it to begin to brew. The commander turned around as he crossed his flippers and leaned against the counter.

"All right, no more ruffling your feathers. I want the actual 411 here. Maybe even a 511; I ain't picky."

Private explained the situation as best he could, as Rico mumbled as he relived the parts the younger penguin DIDN'T mention. The muscled flightless bird found his face twitching as he glared at the ground. Skipper, meanwhile, listened to the tale with mild interest as he was updated on what he had missed while he was out on his own mission. Finally his coffee machine dinged, alerting him that it was ready to drink. Throwing in a fish from the nearby mini-fridge, Skipper stirred his joe before taking a gup. Ah, extremely black and extra fishy- truly a man's drink!

"So, " Skipper said after taking another gulp, " your first plan didn't work. What's the next battle strategy? That is to say, what's your list of options here for our feathery friendship-seeking compadre?"

"Well...It's not exactly a plan, exactly. Just, you know, a suggestion. There was once an episode of the Lun- er, a show I highly admire, where the main character was feeling isolated and very lonely. They didn't have many pals, because they rather enjoyed being to themselves."

"Lone wolf type," the leader interrupted, inquiring as he stroke his chin," almost admirable, good quality when done right. And I suppose Kowalski has it to some degree...carry on."

"Yes, so she was feeling rather lonely all the same. But when this other lun- I mean, character came up to them and started getting them to come out of their shell more...Well, they said lots of encouraging and nice things to them. Really let them know that they were appreciated.

"It's not exactly the same situation," Private twiddled his flippers, before looking at his older teammates, " but I DO think it might work, all the same. Doesn't hurt to try!"

Rico still didn't look very eager. Skipper tipped his mug in their general direction, a drop splashing out on to the floor. "Well, there you go. Compliment the guy, cheer him on in his weird science experiments, and any other Kowalski-like things he does. Think you can handle that, amigo?"

The weapons guru gave a half smile and shrugged. Yeah, that seemed simple enough. He supposed he could start now... he looked toward the lab door.

"Go for it, Rico!" urged Private. Rico sighed and started toward the door.

"And don't forget to tell him he has a pretty smile!" teased Skipper. Something began boiling inside the psychopath's brain, and he spun around to glare harshly at his commanding officer... not a good idea in general, but the universe decided to give him a break, as Skipper had already turned back to work on his ship some more, and didn't see it.

Rico turned back to the door, mumbling under his breath.

This triggered a series of events for both of the penguins, as the weapon's expert did his best to encourage his friend. It started with him opening and entering the lab. Kowalski was, yet again, by his beakers and test tubes, as he was heating some chemicals. He lifted the neck of the vile from the bunsen burner, as he gently stirred its contents. He seemed pleased with his work, and it seemed as good a time as any to encourage him.

"GOOD JOB K'WALSKI, YAAAH!"

The sudden noise was enough to startle the scientist as he jumped. This sudden jerky movement was enough to jostle the delicate compounds in the solution as it bubbled and sizzled, before exploding in the scientist's face. Kowalski gave a high pitched scream, as he ran around the room blinded from both the black substance on his goggles as well as the chemical burns. He ended up running straight into a wall before knocking himself out.

Rico, however, just slowly exited the room before closing the door.

* * *

This, however, wasn't Rico's only attempt at encouragement. It was some time later, and Kowalski was all cleaned up from his burns, though supporting a bruise on his forehead where he collided with the concrete. The scientist had waddled out of his lab, with newspaper under his arm, as he made his way towards the bathroom. He gave a nod towards his leader, before opening and closing the restroom door. The tall penguin made it to the toilet, sitting down and getting as comfortable as possible, before opening up his newspaper. It was upside down, but it didn't much matter seeing as he couldn't read anyway. Kowalski sighed in content. Finally he could have some peace!

Peace was suddenly stolen from him as the door burst open and Rico clapped his flippers wildly.

"Woo-hoo! 'OO 'AN 'OO IT 'WALSKI!"

This startled the penguin enough that, as he cried out from alarm, he fell off the toilet and landed into the mop and bucket that had been next to it. Heart racing, and covered in cold foul smelling dirty water, Kowalski glared as the weapon's expert looked sheepishly down at his teammate.

"Eh heh, whoops?"

* * *

Even more later on still, the team had been called out for an emergency over at the Central Park's pond. Momma Duck had reported some strange carnivorous fish was eating up all the food, and had even tried to attack her and her young ones. Thankfully they were safe, though the mother escaped with a huge chunk of her feathers removed from the end of her. It was up to the penguins to stop this ferocious fish before it was too late!

However...They didn't account for one small possibility of just what sort of aquatic devil it would be. The team of flightless birds were thrashed left and right as they tried to catch the Glyphis garricki- otherwise known as the river shark- as the young predator put up a great fight. Skipper and Rico grabbed onto its tailfin as they tried to stop the creature from swimming. Private was giving the shark a left and a right punch in its eye; poor unfortunate Kowalski was screaming in terror as he held on for dear life on top of it, as the river shark sped around the pond trying to fling off its riders.

The shark had managed to throw off three-fourths of the attack team, as they skidded across the water before making a big splash. Rico returned to the surface, with Private and Skipper not too far behind. After shaking his head, like a dog drying himself, the hefty penguin looked left and right to see just where the beast had gotten to. There, on the other side of the pond was the shark, with Kowalski still holding on for dear life. Impressed, Rico began to whoop and holler encouragingly.

"Yeah, K'Walski! 'Oo 'et 'em!"

It was at that moment the shark bucked in the water, sending the frightened analyst into the air as the shark lept and his teeth clamped down on him. Rico was still shouting and yelling praise from the sidelines, as Kowalski tried to escape the predator's clutches and sharp rows of teeth.

"WOULD YOU STOP ENCOURAGING ME AND HELP ME ALREADY?!"

Oh. Right. Help. Rico glared as he upchucked a few sticks of T.N.T. Time to get to the 'helping your teammate not be fish food' part of friendship.

It was a joy to see the shark blown to smithereens.

* * *

Rico sighed as he sat in front of the television, watching some segment on number of deaths caused annually by NASCAR crashes. Usually any sort of talk about violence was enough to cheer him up. However, not even seeing some human driver burned to a crisp with most of the bones in his body broken seemed to be making him feel better after all his failed attempts of encouraging his favorite scientist.

Soon he was joined by the little Private, who plunked himself down beside him.

"That could have gone better, couldn't it?"

"Grrmph."

"Well... to be fair, I suppose a big part of egging someone on, is the timing..."

Rico grumbled again, and turned the volume up on the television. After the long day of disappointment he had, the hefty penguin was NOT in the mood to hear anything else that the private had to say about friendship...or anything at all, for that matter.

* * *

Night had fallen over Central Park Zoo, sending its residents into slumber, in the city that never sleeps.

All except for the one resident who also never sleeps.

Inside Marlene's lovely bedroom cave, the frazzled otter tried desperately to shove her pillow hard enough into the sides of her head to drown out the boombox that was still blaring outside. She gritted her teeth, sat up straight in bed, and chucked the pillow that had failed her across the room. It had been hours...Hours of nonstop music, some worse than others, but at the end all causing much difficulty for the otter to get any sleep.

"Okay, THAT'S IT!" Marlene jumped out of bed, before stomping towards her home's entrance. "I have been way more patient than any normal animal out there. I didn't mind accidentally bumping me into the tree, I didn't mind them leaving their fruit peels all over the place. I didn't even mind them coming into my den and wrecking my bathroom...Okay, yeah, I kinda did mind that. The point IS, I let a whooole lot slide. But when you mess with me and my beauty sleep, oh, THAT'S where I draw the line!"

The female made it to outside, where the lemurs were dancing on a small raft they had thrown together. The boombox, however, was on the dry concrete and unguarded. Marlene made her way to it, before turning it off.

King Julien and Maurice instantly stopped their rump shaking, as they looked around to see just what had killed the party. Mort, however, was still shaking his little groove thing joyfully before the royal lemur kicked him into the water.

"Uh, Maurice...why is my boomie box not booming with the funkity funk beats?"

"I'm sure I changed the batteries just last night, it- oh. Uh, King Julien, we have company, and she does NOT look happy."

Julien's attention shifted to where his royal servant was pointing, and yup, sure enough, they had company, and she was glaring back at them from beside his now-silent music-maker.

The lemur king shouted from across the small waterhole, though shouting wasn't necessary. "Um, excuse you? What is it you think you are doing?"

"What- what am *I* doing?!"

"You do not know, either?"

"Wait, what, no, I mean- Julien, look; I NEED to sleep! And we had fun today, we did! But now it's time for you guys to go home! Back to your own place. So I can sleep."

The two lemurs exchanged unmoved glances. "I am thinking, that I have an even better idea! Mort?"

Mort popped out of the water at Marlene's feet, gasping for air.

"Make the otter lady go bye-bye now, okay?"

"Ohhh, okay!"

Before Marlene knew it, she landed on the other side of the habitat wall with an 'oof' and a 'thud'. She sat up, shook her head, and looked back up at the wall she's apparently just been tossed over. "I don't even know how he just did that."

The otter looked back down on the ground, before sighing to herself. Really, she had no idea how and where this day went wrong. It was going perfectly! Sure, King Julien wasn't always the most agreeable or even NICE person… But they had managed just fine and Marlene had actually enjoyed her day. Now this...Now she was not only tired and cold, as the autumn breeze sent a chill down her spine, but now she was without a home too!

But, worst of all…

Skipper had been right.


	6. Collision Course

It was well after midnight when the alarm of the penguin habitat started to blare. Skipper's eyes shot open in a panic, as he immediately lunged from his bed and onto the hard concrete floor. He looked around him, expecting his team to have been awoken from the horrid sound, but glared when he saw them all still asleep. He yelled as loud as he could, finally jarring the others from their slumber.

"ARE YOU ALL DEAF?!" Skipper gripped his head, as his eyes darted back and forth. "WE GOT A SECURITY BREACH! THIS IS IT, BOYS, THE DAY WE HAVE TRAINED FOR. THE SPACE SQUIDS ARE PLANNING THEIR INVASION AND THEY'RE TAKING OUT EARTH'S FIRST DEFENSES: US! GRAB YOUR WEAPONS, I AIN'T GONNA BE NO BAKED TURKEY FOR SOME GIANT CALAMARI!"

"WHAT WAS THAT, SKIPPER?" Private yelled, ears covered from the horrible screeching the alarm was making. "CAN'T REALLY HEAR YOU OVER THE SIREN! I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE AN INTRUDER!"

The avian commander growled before waving his flippers as he pointed to the escape hatch.

"JUST FOLLOW ME!"

Marlene didn't bother knocking; the alarm she'd sent off when she'd entered the habitat could be heard well enough, she didn't figure she needed to. Just stand back-kind of way back- and wait.

She didn't have to wait long, but still longer than she was expecting. Soon the metal dish slid aside, and four ninja-birds shot out from the darkness, landing in unison in a classic battle-ready stance.

She just smiled and waved. "Uh... hey guys! Nice night, huh?"

All four of them slumped and groaned. They'd been robbed of sleep for THIS?

"Marlene, what in the blazes is this all about? You were almost calamari!"

Skipper glanced back at Rico, who was sporting his favorite sushi hat, two large knives, and an overly enthusiastic grin, and waved him off and shook his head. Rico slumped again. No calamari.

"What? No, actually, I kind of need to talk to Skipper. About things."

All four penguins looked on, expectantly.

"Er yeah, privately would be nice."

Skipper raised a brow, curious to know what his flame could want this late at night. Usually he would throw out some line or another, saying something like "whatever you have to say to me can be said to my men". However, since getting into a secret relationship with the otter, he had been much more careful about what he did and didn't let loose while his team was present. Skipper might have been trained in the art of deception and confidentiality...Marlene, however, was not.

The avian commander turned towards his men before placing his flippers behind his back.

"You heard the lady, soldiers. This is no público- confidential stuff. Get back to your bunks and mozey off to dreamland. When I get back down there I wanna hear you all snoring, got it?"

The penguin officers were thrilled to be excused, seeing as most of them had only been asleep for a short amount of time. It didn't take long for the three to jump down into the hatch, and back into their base, leaving the otter and the squatty penguin leader alone.

"Alright, Marlene, you got what you asked for. So what's the sitch? Not that I don't appreciate the fact you missed me already, but me and the men got early training in the morning. You know that!"

The otter was finding it difficult to keep up eye contact with her boyfriend for any length of time, and she was nervous about admitting what she really wished she didn't have to.

"Yes! And I will let you get RIGHT back to sleeping, but before ya do... yeah y'see, I have this teeeensy little problem that I need your help with..."

Skipper cocked his head in the direction of her habitat, where the music was blaring once more, and cracked a smirk. Oh, good, thought Marlene; she wouldn't actually have to say it.

"Oh, do you now? Please, do tell me, in full detail, what your teensy little problem might be!"

"Well, it's not exactly a problem," Marlene began, not being able to look at the smug expression on her paramour's face. "At least, heh, *I* wouldn't call it a problem. More like a tiny misunderstanding with Julien, most likely from miscommunication. You know how it is with those guys, not really all there upstairs, ya know?"

"Won't hear me disagreeing with you there, sister. So then, what's your 'tiny misunderstanding' then? Go on, I'm all earholes."

The mammal clenched and unclenched her paws nervously, as she willed herself to look Skipper in the eyes. Deep blue eyes met her brown ones, as the penguin looked a little too happy to see her distressed.

"Julienkindasortakickedmeout."

"Woah! Slow down there! What was that?"

Not able to contain herself any long, Marlene burst into tears as she ran into her lover's arms for comfort. Skipper's smug expression instantly dropped as he was startled by this new development, as his girlfriend cried into his feathers.

"Oh Skipper, it was AWFUL! The lemurs took over my home and...and...and they threw me out! Literally! All because what I wanted was to sleep and they were playing their music so loudly that it was keeping me up!"

The otter sobbed harder as she begged for help.

"You were right all along, Skipper! You were right, and I was wrong! I should have just let you throw him out the moment he even set foot there. PLEASE, I'm begging you, you gotta help me! I just...I just don't know what to do!"

Ouch, right in the heart. Now he just felt like a jerk. Not that being right didn't still feel good, but the moment had been lessened somehow. He awkwardly wrapped a flipper around the weeping mammal, patting her back softly.

"Ohh, don't cry, Dollf- Marlene. Honey. You know I can't stand to see a lady cry! Especially when it's my lady."

Now Skipper was being hugged tightly, and Marlene had stopped crying, for the most part. He returned the hug, if a bit stiffly. "There, see? You good now? No more water-works?"

Marlene pulled away, smiling, eyes still glistening in the moonlight from the tears. "Yeah, I'm good now. Promise. Now, could you PLEASE get Julien out of my habitat?"

Skipper's smirk returned, and he cracked the knuckles he did not have. "It would be my pleasure."

* * *

"You know, Maurice, now that this is bein' part of my kingly kingdom, I am thinkin' we should be doin' some renovations. More pool-i-ness and less...whatever you would be callin' dis here thingy."

"Uh, Marlene's home?"

"'Marlene' who?"

King Julien, the tallest and most royal of all lemurs at Central Park Zoo, was busy shaking his lovely non-lady lumps as he was looking over his newly claimed land. His left hand man had stopped with his dancing as he answered his king's question, while Mort was still dancing the night away. From the looks of it, he could still go for hours before he even thought about retiring to rest. Maurice crossed his arms, as he raised a brow to challenge his leader.

"Maurice, you are not grooving. What is up with de not groovy grooving-ness? I am not liking it, Maurice, as King I am demanding that you be shaking what da sky spirits gave ya!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I just ain't feeling it. Don't you feel bad at ALL for having Mort throw Marlene out? After the fact she let you chill in her pool all day?" The aye-aye continued with his slight reprimanding as he uncrossed his arms. "Seriously, that ain't right."

Julien scoffed and rolled his eyes at his loyal subject's forgetfulness. "I do not do de feeling guilty things, I have people to do that FOR me, Maurice."

Said loyal subject crossed his arms over his chest and scowled up at his king. "Yeah? Well I'm feelin' it for ya right now. And NOW, I'm feelin like we aughta' go apologize, before she gets those penguins over here to whoop our sorry-"

"Too late, the Cavalry has arrived."

Julien and Maurice turned and gasped at the commando leader penguin standing proud atop the otter habitat wall. Mort stopped dancing to wave enthusiastically at their new guest. "Hiiii up there!"

Skipper somersaulted down from the wall, landing a mere yard away from the intruders. He took a step closer, and stared them down. "Now, we can do this the easy way, or a personal favorite of mine, the excruciatingly painful way. What's it gonna be?"

Back at HQ, Kowalski rolled over in his sleep, his brow furrowed in unease. "excruciating and painful... mean the same thing... redundant sentences... GUH!"

Back to the otter habitat again, Maurice backed up and shook his head. "I had nothin' to do with this... well, okay, I kinda did, but it wasn't my idea!"

Julien gasped.

"Maurice! Are you tryin' to be blaming your king?!"

"If it keeps me from getting my butt kicked?" Maurice paused before answering. "You bet I am!"

The royal lemur crossed his arms before turning away from his left hand man. He scoffed, before looking down at the commando penguin.

"Dat being said, I will not be leaving my kingly-sized pool. Dere is a saying from my home land dat I am feelin' fits dis situ-a-tions perfectlys: 'I am king and I want it!' So dis land? Yeah, it is so totally being mines now. So says me, King Julien."

Julien pointed at Skipper angrily, before shouting out a command to his smallest subject.

"Mort! I am commanding you to be disposing dis stupid penguin!"

"I ATTACK FOR THE KING!"

Mort ran at full speed, before leaping to claw at the flightless bird's face. However, he wasn't expecting for the penguin to just nonchalantly slap the mammal away- not phased in the slightest. Mort instantly dropped to the ground and twitched violently.

"I FEEL SO MUCH PAIN FOR THE KING! Owwie…"

Skipper, raised a brow as he put his flippers on his hips.

"Okay, this is just sad. Anything else you want to try before I open up a can of penguin whoop-ah on your lemur rears? Hmm?"

The king was looking less and less confident, and he was beginning to feel this was too much effort for such a small plot of land. Even if it WOULD make a great kingly swimming hole, after he got Mort and Maurice to go through with the renovations.

"Um... Maurice? Protect your King!" Maurice was grabbed and plopped down in front of his king, as if being used as some sort of meat shield.

"What? You gotta be kiddin' me!"

"No, I am king, and I do not be gotta doing anything, that is being the whole point of dis!"

Skipper groaned loudly. "Are you two DONE bickering like a couple of pre-teen school girls? Huh? Can we get back to the showdown shindig now?"

The two lemurs exchanged glances. "Uh yeah, we're finished."

"Couldn't have said it better myself! Any last words?"

Julien cleared his throat, and straightened. "Yes, I would like to be saying some words. De words that are, these ones right here; PARTY AT MY PLACE!"

The king then took off running, Maurice close behind, though the aye-aye doubled back to grab Mort. Julien shouted over his shoulder, "OH, AND I FORGOT THE MENTIONING OF NO PENGUINS ALLOWED!"

Skipper rolled his eyes, though smiled as he watched the mammals run off. He continued to watch them even as they hopped over the wall of the otter habitat, and his smirk turned from smug to genuinely happy as he heard Julien land harshly on the other side. Hopefully he hurt himself enough so he and his boys wouldn't have to hear any of their dance party tonight, either.

"Now that the circus has left town, time to bring the lady friend back to her home."

The penguin was greeted with kisses the moment she was back on her land, after seeing that her home was truly lemur-free.

"Oh! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" She smooched the side of Skipper's cheek before kissing him on the beak again. "You're wonderful!-smooch- Amazing! -smooch- Oh, I just don't know how to repay you!"

The barrage of affection was nice, but Skipper still found himself fighting his reflexes to karate-chop anything near his face. A flipper curled around the mammal's body, bringing her close and momentarily stopping the kisses. Skipper gave her a sly side-look and grinned.

"Oh, I could think of a few things..."

Marlene gasped, and she could feel her face heating up, but she couldn't fight the smile away that pulled at her lips. She pushed against his chest, playfully. "Skipper!"

"How skilled are you with disarming a GBU-43?"

His mate simply looked at him blankly.

"No? How about windows? Do you do windows?"

"Huh...ya know, I find it oddly cute that you took my comment the way you did." Marlene smiled, her eyes half-lidded as she nuzzled the side of her lover's face. "But like I said, Skipper, I'll do anything you like."

Skipper found his heart begin to race at the attention given to him by his woman, though he didn't quite get why. Still, it wasn't exactly a bad feeling, just a foreign one. he found his grip loosen on the otter, as the penguin gently pulled her away from his body. He beamed softly at her.

"I'll take that as a rain check then- some other time. We'll figure out something. That said, I need to be heading off. This bird rises with the sun, after all." Skipper brought his beak in close to his girlfriend's face, before gingerly rubbing it to the mammal's nose- giving an eskimo kiss of sorts. " Goodnight, dollface."

And with that, the avian commander backflipped away, before penguin-sliding towards her manhole and taking the sewer entrance back to his base. Marlene had stood there and watched him go, before sighing contently to herself as she waved towards the already empty drain.

"Goodnight, Skipper."

* * *

A few days had gone by, and all seemed quiet at the zoo. It was a couple days before New York's annual soup convention, which gave the penguins a lot of downtime before the week of continuous stress as they remained ever alert- who knew what sort of horrors the tourist trap would bring in! That isn't to say Skipper, the leader of the team, had been COMPLETELY lax with his officers. Besides the daily laps around their pool, he would also make them sit through briefings as he went over a few possibilities of what may or may not occur.

"And I don't care how innocent or serene these humans might appear," the squatty squad captain said, as he pointed to his visual aid with a stick,"if you smell trouble...well, let's just say we do to them like we did to Manfredi and Johnson, understood?"

Kowalski raised a flipper, as he questioned his commander.

"So do you mean use the paperclips? Or do you mean the killer churros of doom?"

"Both, if need be. Really, it's to your discretion. Just make it really really REALLY horrible!" Skipper ceased his glaring, before hitting his flipper with his stick, and then bringing both arms behind his back. He smiled fondly at his men. " That said, meeting adjourned. Run off and enjoy the rest of your day, ya bunch of knuckleheads."

The team dispersed to their own locations then; Kowalski moved to the table, where he began fiddling with one of his unfinished inventions, Private plopped himself down in front of the telly, and Rico hopped up in his bunk, where he happily flipped through the pages of a weapons magazine. Skipper poured himself a cup of joe, before sitting down to go over a few files.

Rico's magazine perusing was interrupted with a tap on his shoulder. Of course it was Private, who gave a sheepish smile.

"Hey, Rico. So um, it's been a few days since... you know, the whole encouragement fiasco. Don't you think it's time to buck up, and try again? I do have another suggestion..." he'd kept his voice to a near-whisper, to keep Kowalski from over hearing.

Rico didn't answer, he turned his attention back to his magazine, but he wasn't actually seeing it this time. He mulled over the situation the best he could.

In the past few days, the moths hadn't gone away. Rico now assumed it must be some kind of illness, although it only seemed to happen when Kowalski was around. Was he allergic to the team scientist? Wasn't that going to be a problem? He'd even gone so far as to evacuate everything in his stomach, until he could produce nothing but dry-heaves, and still no moths came out.

But, on the other hand, trying to avoid Kowalski hadn't been great, either. The fluttering sensation was considerably more pleasant than the weird, lost feeling he felt when he'd gone a whole 24-hours of avoiding the guy.

Rico finally concluded he did still want to be better friends with Kowalski, and looked back to Private.

"A'right, wha' ya got?"

Private looked pleased, as he leaned in closer to whisper once more.

"Well, I've noticed the Lunacorn advice hasn't exactly been working out for you. Though I still can't fathom why…" The younger penguin frowned, before cheering up as he continued." But I did talk to Marlene about your problem."

"'Oo 'id WHA?!"

Rico slapped a flipper over his mouth as he realized how loud he was being. Both he and Private looked around to see if they drew any attention to them. While Skipper DID look up and raise a brow over their antics...Kowalski, the one they were trying to avoid hearing, was still entirely oblivious as he twisted his screwdriver to remove his device's motherboard. The weapon's expert relaxed slightly, however he was still miffed over the fact the youngest team member was blabbing about him. By this rate the whole zoo was going to know about him being gooey and mushy!

Private looked at the hefty penguin apologetically, as he tried to explain himself.

"Don't worry, Rico, I swore her to secrecy first. In fact, I never even used your name. I just told her 'a friend' was having some trouble in friendship, and asked if she knew what I could do to help….Then she sort of went a little bonkers and started calling me adorable. But I suppose that doesn't really have anything to do with the advice, does it?

"But yes," the small flightless bird began, as he put himself back on track, " she suggested that when you really care for somebody, ask to hear more about them. Ask them how they are doing, what they are up to, and get them taking about anything that they take an interest in. Knowing Kowalski, I'm sure he would just love a chum to talk to about his doodads and thingamawhoozits!"

"Thingam'whazit?"

"Yes, those, too!"

Rico looked over at Kowalski again. What luck! He just so happened to be playing with a thingamawhoozit right now! Or was that a doodad? Did that matter? He was about to hear all about it, either way.

Hopping down from his bunk, which hadn't really been used much at all these days, he put away his "reading" material and waddled over to sit at the table with the mad genius.

He sat opposite of Kowalski for a few moments, smiling, waiting to be noticed. When he didn't look up once or acknowledge his presence at all, Rico cleared his throat. Even that was enough to make Kowalski flinch as he was brought out his own little world, but at least he had the taller penguin's attention now.

"...Yes?" Kowalski asked. The scientist seemed mildly annoyed, and slightly nervous. Could it be because every time Rico was around lately, things went horribly wrong somehow for Kowalski? Even more than usual?

"Eh heh heh. So um. Wha'zat?" asked Rico, pointing to the doodad-or-thingamawhoozit he was tinkering with.

The inventor raised a brow as he pointed to the device, the sardine can outer-casing instantly made Rico smile for obvious reasons.

"This? Surely you remember the Luv-U-Later 3000? You know...the time we tried finding the perfect mate for Marlene?"

The weapon's expect gave a blank expression as he looked between both the taller penguin and the invention. He shrugged; wasn't ringing any bells.

Kowalski sighed, before pinching the rim of his beak as he recalled more embarrassing moments from the misadventure.

"You know, the time I got...upset that science had seemingly failed me?"

Lightbulb!

"Oh yeah! Cried like 'aby!"

"I DID NOT CRY LIKE AN INFANT! I was merely upset, that's all! It's not every day one loses complete faith in the one thing they based their whole existence around, after all!"

Rico didn't know much about the last part...But he DID remember the time quite well. While he didn't recall what had set him off, exactly, it was hard for the hefty penguin to forget his friend's extreme depressive state. Kowalski had done nothing but cried for weeks, barely eating or drinking...or leaving his bunk at all, really. Nothing the others said could get him out of the massive funk. Really...it sort of reminded Rico of all the times Doris had broken the analyst's heart and dumped him over and over again.

The very thought alone made Rico feel angry, though he didn't know why. Rico shook his head, as he tried dispersing the thought of his teammate with the female dolphin.

"Uh," the living storage unit began, as he tried to stay focused on his mission, "why 'oo 'essin' weh it?"

"'Why am I messing with it?' Well, if you're honestly curious, Rico...It's because I have a theory about what went wrong with the Luv-U-Lator the last time. I strongly believe that Science isn't to blame here. Science only answers the questions you give it. And while I'm not one to admit to my own shortcomings… I believe there is a possibility I merely asked the device to calculate the wrong inquiries. I asked it to locate the subject's perfect match based on factors they themselves prefer in a significant other.

"However," Kowalski paused as he turned his head away from Rico to look at the motherboard chip to the handheld device, "I have recently been given inspiration based off those cheesy romance movies we have been watching as of late. The humans seem to believe that sometimes what they really want in their potential mate isn't what makes for compatibility. That sometimes wants and needs conflict. My machine also didn't put into account variables like unpredictability and off chance occurrences- which simply refers to bumping into people in the most unlikely places, strangers, and even people you have found conflicts with for years. I have already made adjustments to the main hard drive, earlier, and now just need to do tweeks to the handheld tracker so it will sync up with it once more. Surely, this time...THIS TIME SCIENCE WILL NOT FAIL ME! Oh, how I was wrong to misjudge you! You were merely trying to lead me down the right path, and I lost faith in your magnificent ways!"

Rico had been nodding, and giving 'uh-huh's and 'ohh's for awhile, so Kowalski wasn't sure when exactly the crazy penguin had fallen asleep. Kowalski stared at the snoozing penguin across from him in slight disbelief, as said penguin snored loudly, still sitting up, head tilted to the side.

"SERIOUSLY, NOW?!" cried the scientist, standing up quickly enough to knock his chair over, and throwing his flippers in the air. He scooped up the parts of his device, and began stomping back to his lab. "I don't even know why I BOTHER with you people!"

The lab door slamming shut was enough to jar Rico from his slumber, and he snorted. "HAH?! UH-HUH! Way', wheh' 'e go?"

Private was standing by in an instant. "Oh my... I'm really sorry, Rico. I'm all out of ideas after that one, I'm afraid..."

The demolition expert's brow furrowed dangerously, before he shot up, flipping the table over in a fit of sudden anger and frustration. "AHHHHRRGAHBLAH!"

Back up the ladder, back out the hatch shot Rico. He had to get away. The past week had been nothing but failures, confusion, humiliation, rejection, and worst of all, he still hadn't gotten any calamari.

The car tires squealed as Rico sped off. He didn't know where he was going, but he was confident he'd end up there before the night was out.

Wherever there was.

* * *

"Oh duuude! That's like totally brodacious! We like, totally gotta get all our bromies together for that bro down. You feel me?"

Rico nodded his head, indicating that he did totally feel him. The weapon's expert had been hanging out with his cockroach buddies for a couple hours now, as he and the gang partied and chillaxed together. When he first set out in his car, he really had no idea where he was going. The hefty penguin just knew he needed to get out of the HQ, and take out his frustrations on the road. Rico let his mind go numb and void, as he felt the wind hit his face. He grinned maddenly as he zoomed around corners, and just turned down one street to the next. After a while, once he started to come back to reality, he recognized just where in the city he was, as he smiled once more. He was near his broach hangout, so it wouldn't hurt to get some bro-time in before he had to head home.

Besides, a distraction wouldn't hurt, after all.

"If we're gonna do this," Duane began, stopping the broversation with his input, " we should totally do it on Steve's brocassion. We like never get the bro-ski in on anything anymore."

Rico tried to recall just who Steve was. It took him a moment to remember that he was Duane's ACTUAL brother. From the one time he met Steve…He wasn't sure if he would actually accept the invitation. The cockroach wasn't exactly up for partying, and seemed more like the nerdy type. Now that Rico thought about it...he was a little like a certain eggheaded penguin he was trying to distract himself from.

The weapon's expert frowned, suddenly feeling his spirits sink. A glance at the digital clock across the room told Rico he'd managed to go two and a half hours, maybe three, without thinking about that guy. Not bad, a new record, even. But now the facade had ended, and guilt began pouring in with the returning remembrance.

It was getting late, and Rico had a sneaking suspicion that he wasn't the only penguin still awake. Kowalski didn't sleep when he wasn't forced to, as a rule.

"Heh heh. Yeah." Rico finally replied, remembering he was in the middle of a conversation.

Suddenly, Mike was on top of his head, hanging upside down, peering over the avian's brow to look the guy in the face. "... You feelin' okay, Rico-Burrito? You look like you just lost your best bro!"

Rico looked back at him, cross eyed. "Huh? Oh. Um. Yeah, K'walski..." he rubbed the back of his head, nervously, and then decided "friendship" wasn't a subject he wanted to bring up with his boys. And besides that, he was here to forget Mr. "Too Good to be Your Best Friend".

The penguin waved it away with a flipper. "Nah, neh'mine. Party, wooo!" The bowl of chips he downed then didn't get rid of the guilt, but boy did they taste good.

Rico and his broaches began to party once more, as Eddie started blasting their boombox. The warehouse practically vibrated from the music bouncing off the concrete walls. The hefty penguin was soon back to his careless self and he bobbed his head to the tunes. He was so happy and carefree that he didn't know why he had even thought about stopping the bash at all!

However, as it grew later and later, a sense of guilt washed over him the more the clock ticked away further and further into the night. 10:44. 12:35. 3:01. Rico began to feel sicker and sicker as he pictured Kowalski held up in his lab, his mind cluttered with figures and whatever other buzzy nonsense he had going on up there. Finally it got to the point where the penguin stopped in the middle of his rump shaking, and his insect friends noticed straight away. Duane cut off the music as the lead cockroach addressed the flightless bird.

"Alright, Brometheus, spill the beans." Mike crossed his sets of arms, as he tried to get some answers. "What's the situ-bro-tion in the ocean, brah?"

An attempt at a smile was made, but the distressed bird couldn't keep it up for long. The smile faltered and slipped into a frown, even before it had made it to his beak completely. He slumped and sighed.

"S'posah be m'job t'may sure k'walski sleeps." Rico shrugged half-heartedly. "He prob'ly isn't."

The three broaches exchanged shocked looks, mouths hanging ajar. They looked absolutely flabbergasted!

"Aw man, you're here partying with us," began Duane.

" -when your bro-guin is back home, in need of some serious bro-laxation?" Eddie added.

"Not cool, bro." Finished Mike, jumping up onto his beak. "If you're worried about your bro, you go to him, man. If anyone understands bromance, it's us Broaches. We get it."

Rico smiled, glad that his cockroach companions understood why he needed to go. He waved at them all, as he started towards the door. Once there, he turned around as he put his flippers to his beak.

"'ARTY ON! YEAAAAAAH!"

And with that the penguin was gone. He was pleased to hear the music blasting once more as he waddled to his car. Good, just because he needed to leave didn't mean his broaches couldn't still party on until dawn. He jumped into the driver's seat and started up the ignition, happy to hear it purr for him.

It didn't take long for Rico to get home, and before he knew it he was flipping onto the concrete base of the team's zoo HQ. He was thankful for the fact the alarm didn't go off, Private probably assuming he would be home sometime during the night. He plopped down the fish bowl covered entrance, as he instantly jerked his head to the side and checked the bunks. Skipper, Private...The muscled penguin sighed, not at all surprised to see the other two bunks completely empty. He glared as his stomach suddenly felt like it sunked to the ground, heavy as if he swallowed eighty-seven bowling balls. Rico jostled his stomach, doing a quick inventory count to see if that was actually the case. Nope, just one like he thought he remembered. Knowing this, however, didn't seem to make his belly feel any lighter. Especially not as he made his way towards the lab, where he could still hear commotion from behind the door.

Rico opened the door, and he closed his eyes tightly as he was suddenly greeted by the bright lights of the laboratory. Eyes still used to the darkness, he kept them closed as he waddled deeper into the room. He followed the sounds of whirling tools, before he opened his eyes once more. The hefty penguin instantly identified the backside of the scientist, as he was bent over the table, still tinkering with his Luv-U-Lator device.

Kowalski was lost in his own administrations, as he often was, but not far enough gone to shake the uneasy feeling he was being watched. That could only mean one thing.

Well, alright, hypothetically it could mean in plethora of different things, but only one which was likely, given the circumstances involved. The scientist shut off the tool he'd been using, set it down, and moved his goggles to his forehead, before turning around slowly, and calmly. He wore a blank expression that masked slight unease that was met with a very miffed-looking Rico. Kowalski cleared his throat and nodded slightly.

"Rico."

"K'walski!"

The mad genius flinched and averted his gaze. Why did he feel so nervous? Why did he suddenly feel like a child who had just gotten caught with his flipper in the metaphorical cookie jar? He was a grown penguin! Perhaps it was lack of sleep, perhaps it was merely the fact the psychopath staring him down was able and likely willing to hurl up any number of deadly weapons if he got too angry.

"If it's any consolation, " Kowalski began, as he tried to explain himself, "I haven't been in here ALL night. In fact, I DID actually try to sleep at one point. Not exactly successful, as you can clearly see for yourself, but I felt the need to point it out all the same."

Rico's glare lessened as it changed to one a little less readable, his flippers still crossed in annoyance all the same. The inventor tried a different topic as he held up his creation.

"AND...aaaand I finished the tweaks I needed for the Luv-U-Lator! SEE, not a TOTAL let down, riiiight?"

Flashes of what had occurred earlier during the day suddenly hit the crazed penguin's brain, as he felt anger and something foreign but just as equally powerful overcome him. That, mixed with his guilt that Kowalski was still up because of HIM sent Rico into a rage as he hit the device out of Kowalski's grasp. He instantly felt regret before it hit the floor.

"Aaaand that probably just jostled the delicate components to the motherboard I JUST got finish fixing." Rico was honestly surprised that Kowalski wasn't freaking out like he usually would, as he simply rubbed the brim of his beak. "In all honesty, I'd probably be A LOT more upset about that if it weren't for the fact I probably deserved it...kinda."

The scientist picked up the handheld tracker, before turning away and setting it back on the table. He stayed turned around as he stared at the device. If Kowalski were to be perfectly honest...His body and mind had been very aware of Rico's absence the later it became. After his first attempt to sleep, around the same time Private and Skipper had headed towards bed, Kowalski had been tossing and turning for almost an hour. While this time it wasn't exactly his brain keeping him up, he had been hit by a case of anxiousness as he was fully aware something was missing. While he and his companion had only been sharing a bunk for such a short period of time, comparatively speaking, he had come to full term realizing Rico's calming presence was one of the few cures- if not the only one- for his insomnia.

Realizing he would not be able to sleep until the weapon's expert returned to the base, Kowalski had headed back to his lab to work on his invention. He had been at it for hours, every so often that anxious feeling returning as he looked at the clock. Later and later it became, and it just felt...wrong. Wrong to be working when he knew he was supposed to be in bed with the hefty penguin, and entered into the R.E.M cycle of slumber.

Kowalski cleared his throat, before turning back around. He put a flipper behind his back, before having the other point to the door.

"Well, I don't know about you, Rico, but I'm thinking we should probably head towards bed. I'm sure we both don't wish to entice the wrath of our beloved-if not sometimes completely ruthless and mental- leader. Don't want him putting us in the red zone, now do we? You remember what happened when Manfredi and Johnson entered into the red zone, DON'T you?"

The explosives guru visibly shuddered as he remembered horrible things that may or may not have happened to the two unfortunate penguins. No, he certainly didn't want any part of THAT.

Not that Rico needed an excuse to go to bed with his teddy bear.

The realization of how much easier coaxing Kowalski out of his lab had been tonight briefly flashed through Rico's mind as they headed out and into bed.

The thought that Kowalski had been unable to sleep without him lingered a bit longer, and was accompanied by those familiar fluttering moths in his gut. If that was truly the feeling of friendship…

Maybe he wasn't failing at it as badly as he'd thought.


	7. Tension Convention

October 24th, judgment day. It was finally the day that the leader of the penguin squad had been preparing his men for. As always, the team woke up with the sun, as it rose above New York City. Instead of their usual laps and training, however, the flightless birds had spent all morning briefing on the possibilities of what could go down. They even stayed down in their lair, as the children came rushing into the gates around opening time- Skipper having turned on their hologram projected selves to divert suspicion. It was a little before noon before the penguins finally left their home via the sewer entrance, and made their way towards the convention center.

By the time Skipper and his crew made it to 12th Avenue, the already cloudy sky finally unleashed its downpour- the local meteorologist having predicted it for days. Skipper looked up at the sky, before signalling for Rico and the others to follow him into the nearest alley. They turned, bodies pinned up against the brick wall, as the leader looked out towards the street. Just a mere few hundred yards away was the pier, and their target.

"Alright, boys, " Skipper began, as he turned back towards the others, " we've almost made it there. Just a little ways to go before me make it to the humans' very bowels of wicked, villainous intent. You know why we're here, men- to take down this whole evil organization!"

The skipper's two oldest soldiers not only knew better than to question their commander's paranoid suspicions, but they also felt no need to. Years of working under his command had shown them that Skipper's gut was usually right, no matter how crazy the situation seemed.

Private, on the other hand, still had trouble believing that this many humans could be truly evil, let alone evil through something as harmless as soup.

"Skipper, are you... sure this is necessary? Do you honestly believe that this many people are evil masterminds?" the private questioned. This earned a well-placed glare from the commander.

"What's this? Doubting your commanding officer, Private?" Skipper grabbed his youngest soldier by the shoulders, and shook him a few times. "Do I detect a hint of insubordination, Private? Hm? Do I? DON'T CRACK ON ME NOW, SOLDIER!"

By this point, Skipper's face was inches away from Private's, steely eyes piercing his own, sprouting a faint chill of fear in the young bird.

"N-no Skipper, nothing like that, I just... don't really think soup is that evil, is all. Kind of tasty, actually."

Skipper's expression softened, and he let Private go. He smiled and shook his head. "Oh, Private, you think this is about the soup? Poor, naive little Private. What do you think Soup is short for?...Super villain. No, boys, this is where the most dastardly group of the world's most evil men and women annually meet up to plot and scheme. It's a coverup, boys. And not a very GOOD one at THAT! The Evil League of Evil thinks it can hide away from me, but oooh- they don't know how wrong they are!"

The youngest recruit raised a brow and frowned at that. "The Evil League of Evil? Seriously, is that even a rea- OW!"

A subtle jab to his left flipper, and two glaring teammates was enough to send the message. "Oh, um, yes, of course. The Evil League of Evil, I think I've probably heard of them, once or twice. Curse those... guys, and their evil... conventions, and... and spoons. They make me so mad! Why, they make me so mad, I could eat a whole bowl of their precious soup! Yeah, that'd show 'em!"

That little speech earned him a friendly pat on the back and a smile from his leader. "Now you're getting it, soldier, now you're getting it. Hold on to that anger! You'll be needing it later. Time to move in, boys! Follow my lead."

The leader of the little penguin squad took off toward the target building, on a belly slide. He was closely followed by his three men. It didn't take long for the flightless birds to get across Joe DiMaggio highway and Hudson River Greenway and to the large blue convention center of Piers 92/94. Already, the grounds of the center was cluttered by the cluster of people walking in and out of the building. The team made it to the greener side of the place, as they bounced back and forth between two trunks before making it to the tip of the center tree. Skipper pulled out his binoculars as he and the men began their surveillance of the area. The head penguin began to utter his findings.

"Northside seems clear. Nothing but a bunch of cleverly disguised yuhas- nothing inherently suspicious." The avian commander yelled towards his number two. "Whatcha got for me on the south side, Kowalski?"

"Other than some poor sap forced to sell hot dogs out in the rain? Nothing, sir."

"Alright-Private! How's west?"

"I think I see Fred! Hello, Fred!" The youngest penguin paused as he put his binoculars to his face to get a second look. "Oh, sorry Skipper, that's not Fred at all. In fact, I think it's just a pile of leaves. All clear here then, sir!"

"Rico? You know the drill: whatcha seeing over there?"

The only thing the team storage unit was seeing was a nicely shaped lady over by the pretzel cart. "Oooh, veh' nice."

This earned his a smack across the back of his head. "Now's not the time for that, Rico!"

"Oh! Aw' cleh'."

Skipper shook his head in disbelief. "I don't believe it! No security? What kind of hoity-toity Villain get together IS this? Unless... they're expecting us!"

"You think it might be a trap, then?" questioned Private.

"That's exactly what I'm thinking, Private. No seriously, how did you do that?"

Before the youngest member could respond, the two were interrupted by the lieutenant's cry of alarm. Kowalski nearly dropped his field glasses, as he tried to pull himself together. Skipper whipped his neck around as he glared at his second in command.

"Kowalski! What in the name of Gorbachev's pink frilly tutu-?"

"Sorry to interrupt your usually clever vague references, Skipper- BUT I THINK YOU NEED TO LOOK AT THIS!"

And look he did, as the squatty commander hopped across the branches to get to the tallest penguin's side. He brought his binoculars to his eyes, as he checked the south end. He nearly gasped as he zoomed in closer and closer- almost disbelieving his own eyes. He growled before talking once more.

"X, always with Officer X!" Skipper took in the African-American's blue-collared shirt and tie, walky-talky attached to his left arm. It was only once he saw the badge on X's arm did he continue. "Or should I say SECURITY-GUARD X!"

Private and Rico hopped closer before also getting a look. The youth of the team twiddled his flippers from anxiety.

"Huh...heh, he sure does get around, doesn't he?"

"Like a filthy disease! This guy just won't stay down! But..." Skipper peered through his binoculars again to watch the security guard. "It makes perfect sense he'd be hired by The Evil League of Evil. I always knew that nut job was one bad cop."

On the ground, the sizable Security Guard X was doing his own scan of the scenery. He didn't mind the rain so much; dreary days made an excellent backdrop for foiling those with no regard for laws and regulations.

The place seemed pretty calm- for now. The air was heavy with a variety of mixed aromas, most of which were soup-orientated. Except for...

X found himself sniffing the air to be sure... "Penguins. Why am I not surprised to smell you here? Well, I'm ready for you this time. Oh, you BET I am."

Back up in their lookout tree, Private thought back a moment. "Um, actually, I don't think he's ever been a cop. A bad animal control officer, though!"

"And a bad fishmonger." added Kowalski.

"And even a-"

"Okay, okay, I get it! It's a figure of speech, alright?" Skipper turned and shot his men a sharp look. Private and Kowalski fell silent.

"Good. Now... how do we get IN there, with X hanging around? Kowalski, options! ... Rico, are you spying on Pretzel Cart Lady again?"

"Yup."

"Well knock it off!"

"Okay."

Rico turned back to the rest of the team, when an idea occurred to him. He hadn't purposely creeped out Kowalski in a while. He brought up his binoculars again, this time pointed directly at their tallest member, two inches from his face, in fact.

"Oooh, la-la."

"GAH!" Kowalski cried out, not expecting his personal space to be intruded upon. He gave a small glare as he snatched away the weapon's expert's viewing apparatus. "Would you QUIT that! How's a genius to think up anything when you're getting all in my FACE?!"

The hefty penguin smirked joyously, pleased with his handy-work. He licked his beak before apologizing.

"'Orry 'Walski."

The analyst turned away from his companion, partially to get away from Rico and partially to address his commander. He took out his notebook and pencil as he began to think up some options.

"Sewers?"

"No, too noticeable. Next?"

"Subatomic matter transmitter?"

"Ooo, I like the sound of THAT one," Skipper said as he genuinely smiled, " just the name gives me goosebumps. What's it do?"

"In layman's terms? It's a teleportation device that should, hypothetically, allow us to set our coordinates so we can just beam ourselves inside the building-bypassing X entirely."

"Oh, I REALLY like the sound of that! Alright, let's go with that plan, then!"

Kowalski gripped his notebook tighter as he was hesitant to continue. He rubbed the back of his neck with a flipper, looking anywhere BUT at his squatty leader.

"Er, yes, well...Only one small itty bitty insignificant problem with that plan, Skipper."

"Yeah? Such as?"

"I kinda sorta haven't MADE it yet. Still figuring out how to reassemble the particles after they've been scrambled."

Skipper flipped-smacked his face, before shouting at his second in command.

"UGH! Kowalski! What use ARE you?!"

"I HAVE feelings, you know…"

Normally, the leading penguin would have just let that comment slide. But recent events had him questioning things that needed no questioning, and he frowned, raising his brow.

"First Rico, blubbering about friendship, and now you and your so-called feelings? Is my squad turning into a bunch of quilt-knitting, flower petal sprinkling nancycats? Because I won't have it! Do I make myself clear?!"

None of his soldiers could look at him, and they all looked either ashamed or hurt, it was sometimes difficult to decipher the two. But they all mumbled their apologies and assurances that it wouldn't happen again, and that seemed to be good enough for Skipper.

"Great. Now, would you like to try again? Kowalski, options! Something useful this time, maybe. And hurry it up! I feel like we've been up in this tree for over two-thousand words!"

Kowalski cleared his throat, put away his notepad, and pulled out a map, instead. "Well, we could always just... go in through the back entrance." he suggested, with a shrug.

Rico and Private snickered, but it went unnoticed or ignored by the other two.

"I like it! It's simple, and sneaky. That's a winning combination, in my book! Alright men, move out."

* * *

The delivery woman grunted as she hoisted the large box off of her truck, mumbling something about how ridiculously heavy flavor packets must be. She made her way over to the back entrance door, struggling to re situate the box under her arm, so she could knock. These doors were usually kept locked for security reasons.

"We probably should have been in that box. Ah, retrospection." commented Kowalski, the four watching from a nearby bush as the door opened, and the box was taken inside. Private pointed to the truck.

"Oh, there's another box!"

"Good eye, Private!" congratulated Skipper. "Target acquired, boys, let's go."

As the hispanic woman was inside delivering the first package, the team of flightless birds penguin-slid to the truck before flipping into the opening. Rico regurgitated a crowbar, opening the crate before he and the others hopped in. It was a bit of a tight fit, as they were all pressed against the other back to back-Kowalski was on the top, inbetween the hefty penguin's legs, as he used a staple gun to keep the lid tight enough so it wouldn't fall off during transportation. Rico could hear Private and Skipper muttering about the taller birds' weight, as they were squished into the packets of curry powder uncomfortably. However, the scarred penguin chose to ignore it as he found himself enjoying the closeness with a certain analyst's backside.

It wasn't too much longer before the team heard the clatter of boots, the delivery woman returning to the car to finish up her drop. She picked up the box, grunting as she struggled to lift it.

"Oh geeze, Louise!"

"You look like you could use some assistance, m'am."

The squad froze from within the wooden crate as they instantly recognized the newcomer's voice.

The woman looked up to see a looming wall of a man, clad in an official-looking security guard suit. She gave a half-smile, and offered the man the box, glad to be rid of the burden. "If you insist, guapo."

"Gracias, m'am." replied X, taking the offered crate, sporting a wide grin. The lady took the smile to mean something it didn't, and threw him a wink before turning around and returning to her truck.

Somewhere from the bottom of the penguin pile, there was a muffled "ABORT, ABORT!"

The lid to the wooden prison popped off, clattering to the ground at X's feet. He peered down at the box's contents, still grinning. "Hello, penguins. I'll bet you're awfully SOUPrised to see me."

The commando birds didn't wait around for any more terrible puns or play on words, as they quickly hopped out of the crate. The security guard made several attempts to grab for them, but the box he was still holding restricted his movement, and he missed.

X gritted his teeth, as the four penguins scattered, each sliding off in a different direction. He crushed the wooden box into splinters between his hands easily, packets and wooden shards raining down on the ground below.

"You may try and hide from me, penguins, but you just opened yourself up a can of Campbell's Cream of ME! You ain't gonna cause no trouble on X's watch- not THIS time!"

* * *

Once the team met up again, they devised yet another plan to get into the building- this time, one too elaborate NOT to work! It took them a little while to get the materials needed, because it would have taken much longer to go back to their HQ to just grab their already made jetpacks. Luckily there was a CVS Pharmacy down on 54th street, which was just a block or two away. After knocking out the sole cashier, the boys grabbed all that they needed- making sure they left change. A few rubber bands, four liters of fizzy grape soda, and some cardboard made some makeshift flying apparatuses. After a few penguin butt wiggles, the flightless birds were made flightless no more. Flying from the drugstore, it took a mere few minutes before they made it back to the pier. Skipper, leading the team, dived towards the green landing space on top of the roof- the convention center sporting a nice lush garden on top of its glass structure. The birds landed safely, before quickly shaking off the remains of their jetpacks; the four wanting to hurry up and get in before a certain security guard somehow sniffed them out again. Skipper did some movements with his flippers, non-verbally telling his team to follow him, before they slid across the field and made it down the few steps.

They came to a door and formed a penguin ladder to reach the handle, but of course it wouldn't budge.

"Drat, locked!" said Skipper. "Oh well, no matter, I've picked a lock or two... or even a hundred, you don't know! Rico, paperclip me."

Rico happily coughed up the office supplies, but Kowalski pointed to the door handle. "That's not going to do you much good, I'm afraid; this door only locks from the other side, by the looks of it."

Skipper gawked at the door. Foiled by a stupidly flawed design!

"Fine. Then we use plan B. And B is for..."

"BOW' IH UP!" chimed Rico, already dancing from foot to foot in excitement.

"That's right, blow it up. Rico, if you please."

In an instant, six bundles of TNT were cradled in the weapons expert's flippers, but his commanding officer halted him as he bounded for the stubborn door. "A small kaboom this time, soldier. We're trying to be inconspicuous, remember? Security Guard X, ringing any bells?"

The psychopath's grin faded into a frown, but he spit up a single stick of TNT, just the same, which Skipper grabbed. "That'll do!"

The lead penguin put the stick of dynamite under the crack of the door, before lighting it up. The team then got a good distance before covering their earholes, as they waited for the explosion. Rico cried out happily when it finally went off.

"Yeah yeah! KABOOM! 'Gain, AGAIN!"

"Alright, Rico, down boy," this didn't seem to work, so Skipper gave a quick slap to his soldier's head- that working enough to calm the officer. "Tone it down a little, will ya? Save your destructive fury for AFTER we get inside!"

"Skipper," Private cried, getting his leader's attention, "l-look!"

And look he did, as did the rest as they turned around. The black smoke of the explosion began to clear, and in the doorway they could now see a tall muscular figure begin to step out from the shadows.

Skipper gasped.

"X!"

And X had a friend, in the form of a giant fishing net, which he held up in a ready position. "I knew I smelled smoke. And where there's smoke, there's bound to be... penguins." He growled the last word dangerously, and the net came down.

"EVASIVE MANEUVERS!" cried Skipper, prompting he, along with his men, to slip safely out of range, and back up the stairs...

Well, two of his men, anyway.

"Skipper, he's got me!"

"Private?... Private!" the three spun around in time to see the hulking X lifting the net, with a rather worried looking Private inside. "New plan, boys! Commence, Operation: Save That Soldier! Go!"

Said operation resulted in three kung-fu penguins flying at the security guard's head. X wiped an arm and easily knocked away two of them, but Skipper landing a webbed foot surprised him enough to send him pinwheeling backward.

"Wasn't that just the Harder They Fall maneuver again, Skipper?" asked Private, finally managing to hop out of the net.

"With a twist! I enjoy a good twist."

Security-guard X, however, was not amused as he made it back up the stairs he had fallen down. He growled as he lunged at the penguins, who fortunately dodged in time. X quickly got to his feet as his prey scurried to the edge before jumping off the side. The African-American ran to the side before looking down. He removed his sunglasses as he glared down at the ground.

"Oh, you may have escaped me THIS time. But rest assured you are 'off yur noodle' if you think you're gonna screw up THIS job for me. When I catch you, you'll all be penguin stew!"

* * *

X thought of himself practically a saint, even after considering everything that happened to him. People had laughed at him, he lost his jobs multiple times...Heck, even his own momma was ashamed to call him her son. But through it all, he held his head as high as he could as he tried to accomplish the tasks set before him. His momma, while currently refusing to take calls from her supposedly crazed son, had taught him to put his best foot forward and get the job done.

That was why, even though he could smell the foul stench of antarctic fowl in the air- which made his blood run hot in his veins, as he felt they would pop up in any moment- Security-guard X stood his ground by the door as he watched the people that entered and exited the building. Nothing was inherently suspicious, though he had to stop a few people from bringing outside food and drinks inside the convention center. A few women even gave him an alluring smile as he stood proud- muscled and handsome as he was. However, X had no time for such shenanigans- nor did he even notice them- as he kept his eyes peeled for penguins.

A distracted half-nod was offered to a woman and her young daughter as they scrambled past him to get out of the rain, which he noted was beginning to fall harder as the day progressed. A rumble in the distance only promised more of the same.

The statuesque man's stoic stance and expression were broken, as he spotted something which he would not tolerate on his watch. He removed his dark shades to get a better look at the man or woman staggering towards the building. Although the ground-length rain jacket, high collar, and rain hat obscured their face... and everything else, for that matter...they were obviously intoxicated in a public place.

Said intoxicated person was halted at the door, as the hulking security guard stepped out in front of them, blocking the door, and their way inside. The person, evidently unable to see clearly, ran into X and rebounded, nearly losing their balance and tumbling to the ground.

X was about to ask them to leave, until he suddenly realized the scent he'd been holding on to all day was now stronger than ever. The realization showed on his face as he glared down at the obvious not-person, and growled. He grabbed for them, just as the coat collapsed to the ground, and four penguins slid between his legs, and into the building.

"Drat it all!" X quickly spun around as he started charging into the building after the flightless birds. "Get BACK here!"

The African-American, focused on capturing his targets, ran at full speed through the doors and down the blue carpeted halls. Not paying attention to his surroundings, he carelessly rammed into people and pushed them aside-one old man losing his cane and tripping onto his bad hip, and even a child's lolli was bumped out of a little girl's hands. Security-guard X ran faster and faster, as the penguins slid deeper and deeper into the crowd. He came at a full stop in the thicket of the crowd, looking all ways, as he realized he lost his prey. X gripped his head before thrusting his arms into the air.

"PEEEENGUUUUUIIIINSSS!"

* * *

Gathered together again, the penguins watched from the thick foliage of a decidedly fake potted plant. Their leader pointed to the other side of the room, where a long table stretched the length of the entire wall, adorned with pots, kettles, and bowls of all shapes and sizes. To the right, parallel to the other wall and forming an "L" with the soup table, sat another table, lined with chairs on one side, and three microphones sat atop it; one on each end, and one in the middle.

"That's our next target, boys, stay sharp!"

Private looked on, genuinely confused. "The soup tasting competition, you mean? Um. Okay, out of curiosity, how is that evil, exactly?"

Skipper face-flippered and shook his head. "Private, Private, Private... again with the adorable naivety! When will you learn that nothing is as it seems?"

"So... it isn't a soup tasting competition, then?"

"Of course not! It's obviously a clever ruse to cover up their annual members drive. These poor saps actually compete to be a part of something as wicked and twisted as The Evil League of Evil. It's enough to make me sick!"

No sooner had Skipper finished, six people began filing out of the back room, and had seated themselves at the judging table. The lead commando penguin narrowed his eyes at them. "Speak of the Devils. Kowalski, Rico! Go cause a distraction somewhere. Leave the rest to me."

The scientist and weapons guru saluted and slipped away, the youngest tapped Skipper on the shoulder. "What about me, Skipper?"

The squatty penguin looked back at the young soldier, as if he'd forgotten he was there for a moment. "Oh, uh... follow me, and just, you know, be adorable. Evil HATES adorable! It's common knowledge."

"Oh! Right then, if you think it'll help."

The two remaining penguins snuck out of the flower pot, making their way closer to the table. Meanwhile, Rico and Kowalski went the opposite direction and headed towards the walls. In the main convention room, the walls were covered by curtains, which hid a good portion of the cords from the public. After getting behind the thick white fabric, the analyst motioned for the weapon's expert to follow him as they hunted down the cords' trail. Eventually the said cords would lead them to some sort of speakers or dj booth, in which the tallest penguin could set his plan into motion.

Finally Kowalski cried out happily as he found a black speaker about twice his height. Less than a yard away was another, as he pointed over to the other.

"Alright, Rico, here's the plan. You see these wires?" The analyst pointed to the red and white heads coming from black tubes that were coming out of the speakers. "These are composite cables. What YOU are going to do is go to the other stereo, and when I give the signal, we are going to switch the red wire for the white one- and vise versa. This will cause the speakers to emit a high pitch screeching noise which should bother the humans enough to create a sufficient distraction for Skipper and Private. Understood?"

Rico nodded enthusiastically, and wasted no time in making his way over to his assigned spot, and awaiting the signal. He'd been hoping the distraction would involve blowing something up, but seeing Kowalski get excited over technology and zappy wires was nice, too.

... He still held out hope for something exploding eventually, though.

* * *

Back in the lobby, a certain security guard was sniffing at a potted plant- that was obviously still fake- deeply. It reeked of penguins... and a taste of one of the plastic leaves told him they hadn't been gone for long.

"Trail's still warm, and I- AHHHG!"

Everyone in the crowded lobby cringed and pressed their hands to their ears to try and shield them from the piercing wail that had suddenly began resounding through the room.

X instantly recognized the sound to be speaker feedback, and spun around to face the far wall. "Gotcha."

Back behind the curtains, Kowalski was motioning for them to get away from their location before they were spotted. Earholes still covered, the lieutenant of the team started to move towards his comrade, when the white fabric was suddenly torn from the wall. Kowalski cried out as he was unexpectedly snatched up by a large powerful hand, as Security-guard X smiled triumphantly at his captured prey.

"Sounds like today just ISN'T your day, penguin, 'cause now you're MINE!"

The African-American spotted Rico a moment later, and he began to leap after him. The weapons expert dodged the attempt at capture, as he moved side to side to avoid the meaty digits. The scientist, however, struggled in X's grip. However, as the man's right hand went to try and snatch the hefty penguin once more, X moved his left hand closer to his face. During the battle, the security-guard wasn't paying attention to his already captured prey. Taking the opportunity, and being so near, Kowalski stretched his body as much as he could so he could forcefully clamp his beak on X's ear. The human cried out in pain, as his grip loosened on the scientist and allowed him to slip free.

"GAH," the tallest penguin cried as he brushed off his tongue with a flipper," I think I got earwax in my mouth! Oh-just-THIS IS DISGUSTING!"

Kowalski, now out of the security-guard's clutches and satisfied that his mouth wasn't tainted by filth anymore, motioned for Rico to throw a smoke bomb for cover. The living storage unit happily obliged, regurgitating thick blue smoke from his mouth.

"Oh no you don't!"

The odd blue fog was already filling the small space, but that didn't stop X from reaching down, finding wires that were running along the floor, and pulling them taut, lifting them off the floor half an inch. X grinned crookedly as he heard the light 'thud' of a penguin tripping over it and falling on its face. While he was at it, he yanked the wires out of the speakers, and they instantly fell silent.

X wasted no time in spotting the fallen bird, though only a vague dark blotch through the smoke. As it began to get up, the man saw his chance slipping away, and brought a foot down on the penguin.

There was a faint crunching sound, and a much louder scream as Kowalski's flipper shattered under X's boot.

The scream made Rico's blood run cold, and he froze, staring, unbelieving the scene he couldn't quite see through the smoke. He was used to startled screams from Kowalski, and frightened ones, too. But this wasn't either.

The scream the little penguin had made stirred something unexpected inside the security guard, and he chuckled darkly. "Oh I'm sorry, did that hurt?" He punctuated his last word by grinding his foot into the already broken flipper, and there was another scream of agony.

At that moment, X noted another sound. A low, grumbling sound, that sounded vaguely like a snarling dog. The grumbling quickly rose into a furious, bloodthirsty wail of rage, and through the now dissipating smoke he could make out the other penguin. Huh. He'd never heard a penguin make that noise before.

He'd also never saw a penguin lift a two-hundred pound speaker and hurl it at his head- oh.

X cried out in pain as the speaker crashed into his head, his skull hitting the weaker part of the stereo and going through it. The African-American stumbled, the equipment stuck to his head as he held it up and tried to remove it. Rico took this moment to headbutt the man, sending him backwards and towards Skipper and Private- who had used the distraction to tie up the suspected Evil League of Evil members. X had made it to the center of the room, when he tripped over the six judges. This sent him crashing into the table containing boiling hot soup, as bowl after bowl slid down the unleveled table and landed on him.

Security-guard X cried out in agony, as the general public ran around in panic- fearing some sort of foreign attack.

"Oh sweet momma- IT BURNS!"

The avian leader took this moment to motion for his young officer to follow him, as they went off to find the remaining half of the team. The penguins dodged the terrified people, as they swerved through their legs and around them. Every so often they would stop as they looked around and tried to call out to the others.

"Rico! Kowalski! Darnnit, WHERE ARE THEY?!"

Private pointed as he called out for his commander's attention.

"Skipper, I think I spot them over there!"

Skipper and Private were spotted at about the same time, and Rico hastily began making his way over to them, Kowalski slung over his shoulder like a sack of flour. Dodging the panicking people was tricky, but he was managing, and soon the four were reunited.

Now that the two tallest team members were within distance to be heard, it was obvious that Kowalski wasn't unconscious like Skipper had first assumed. "Rico, for the last time, I am perfectly capable to walk on my own! You can put me down any time now."

"Nah-uh." Rico pointed to the six wrangled and tied assumed members of ELoE, and grinned. "Oooh, ni' work, wow!"

Skipper held a pose of pride and an expression of smugness as he replied, "I trust the authorities can take it from here. Now that we've done all of the hard work. Speaking of a job well done, you two took out X on your own? Color me various shades of impressed!"

The weapons expert nodded. "Uh-huh. C'we go now?"

The skipper noticed his soldier seemed anxious and impatient, bouncing in place on his toes. "What's the hurry, soldier? And while you're at it, what's the deal with Kowalski?"

Rico quit bouncing, and paused a moment, before setting his load down beside him. Kowalski mumbled a "thank you" that sounded more out of obligation than sincerity.

"I'm fine, really, it's nothing serious. Just a minor injury that will, at some point in the near future, need medical a-AHHHGAAHAHAAH!"

Kowalski had been able to keep it cool until Rico lightly prodded his damaged flipper. "ALRIGHT, IT HURTS! IT REALLY REALLY HURTS!" Rico caught him as he came close to passing out, and slung him back over his shoulder.

"Oh! Man down! Sorry, Private, it looks like soup will have to wait."

Private looked disappointed, but shrugged. "It's okay... I don't think X left any for anyone else, anyway."

"Aw, no need for the long beak, lad." Skipper wrapped a flipper around his youngest team member, as he indicated with his other for Rico to follow him as they made their way out of the building. " If it's soup you're REALLY craving, I make a SOUPerb Lohikeitto- fish stew- that's simply to DIE for!"

Private laughed awkwardly, not sure how to respond to his commanding officer. He threw a look over his shoulder, hoping the others might save him from having to admit anything about how awful Skipper's cooking truly was. Rico, however, was lost in his own world as he clutched tightly to the penguin in his arms. Kowalski, understandably, was groaning every other step as he fought to stay conscious. The youth of the squad suppressed a sigh as he turned back to his avian commander, smiling as genuinely as he could muster.

"Hehe, oh goody, Skipper. Sounds...lovely. And you know, I have a feeling you aren't exaggerating at all, sir."

He almost wished the mission had killed them after all.


	8. Pride, Prejudice, and a Can of Whoopah!

Once the boys returned home from the convention center, their first stop had been dropping Kowalski off at the zoo's hospital. The injured penguin had been in too much pain to put up much of a fight, and was genuinely grateful when the Indian veterinarian injected a narcotic before resetting his flipper. Doctor Amladi decided to keep the flightless bird in the nursery overnight, just so he could give the penguin a relatively pain-free night's rest.

Kowalski was happy to come back home the next day, his fellow teammates greeting him warmly. Even Skipper gave him a hero's welcome, as he told his second in command how he heard the full details on the battle with X. He patted the analyst on the back, as Rico helped the injured penguin get comfortable in the seat offered to him.

"You earned the R n' R, soldier. Take as long as you need, and try and enjoy yourself as much as possible- just make sure you get a full recovery, ya hear?"

The injured soldier was smiling halfheartedly; Skipper's compassion concerning the matter was touching, but being fussed over made him feel a little awkward.

"Um... thank you, Skipper. I assure you, I don't plan on being away from the front line for any longer than is absolutely necessary."

That seemed to please the skipper. "Now that's what I like to hear! Good on you. Private! Switch that pretty pony program over to the news, would ya? I wanna know if the authorities plan on going with cruel, or unusual punishment for our little band of Evil-doers. Oh! Maybe it'll be both! I hope it's both." And with that, the commanding officer turned and made his way over to the television to join his youngest soldier.

The heavy suspicion of being watched was once again gnawing at the back of Kowalski's mind. A quick glance told him that was because Rico was standing a foot away, watching attentively. Rico unfortunately caught the glance, and grinned, before procuring a pillow from his gut.

The scientist recoiled away from the damp pillow that smelled lightly of stomach juices and fish, but tried flashing another polite, halfhearted smile, all the same. "Ah, no, thank you, Rico. I was just getting up to... get a snack, anyway." he said, sliding off the chair. The scientist raised his good flipper when his teammate began following him. "And no, I don't need help with that, either."

The assumption that help was not needed seemed to prove right, as making the fish sandwich with one flipper went fine. Picking the sandwich up with one flipper proved otherwise, however, as the fish rolled out and plopped wetly on the table.

Kowalski and Rico looked at the fish on the table for a few short moments, before Kowalski picked the fish up, and replaced it inside the bread, and tried again, only for the same thing to happen. Two more times.

This time, it was the weapons expert who picked up the fish, as Kowalski's frustration with the situation was becoming more and more apparent. The mad genius choked, gagged, and sputtered as the fish was suddenly shoved into his mouth.

"'Ere ya oh, K'walski!"

The scientist glared, but nonetheless swallowed down his meal. Kowalski felt a headache coming on, as he came to the conclusion that it was going to be a VERY long day…

* * *

Time was having a very strange effect on the scientist. Though it had only been a few hour since returning home, it felt like days had been slowly and agonizingly been ticking away. The rest of the gang had went upstairs a while ago, as they had a cover that they needed to keep up, as Kowalski had tried to entertain himself. At first, seeing as he was truly tired, he had tried to get some more sleep. This, however, became a problem as he realized just how difficult it would be to get into bed. Rico, somehow sensing his trouble, had burst down from the hatch and had tried to help. "Tried", naturally, being the key word- for as he tried lifting up Kowalski to put him in the bunk, the analyst was flailing about from the surprise. The hefty bird, while the strongest member of the team, had trouble keeping his grip on the taller penguin.

"NO! DOWN, BOY! DOWN RICO! You know what,I'm not even tired anymore! NOPE! NOT AT ALL! Hahaha- JUST PUT ME DOWN, ALREADY! For PETE'S sake!"

Rico did as he was instructed, though he had no idea who Pete was, before going back out and with the rest of the team to entertain the zoo's guests. Kowalski had sighed in relief, before deciding he would try working on scribbling down notes for future projects. He sat down at the table, careful of his hurt flipper, before taking out his notepad and resting it down. He took out a pencil and began doodling page after page of notes, little pictures of inventions and chemical compounds flooding the place. The scientist had been on a roll, drawing fast to try and catch up with his speeding thoughts, when his pencil finally broke under the pressure.

"Are you KIDDING me," Kowalski growled, before getting up and waddling across the room where the pencil sharpener was attached to the wall. Once he got there he realized he had a problem. The sharpener was an old fashioned one, requiring one hand, or in this case- flipper, on one end as the other cranked the wheel. "...How in the world am I going to do this?"

Creativity and improvising were thankfully a few of Kowalski's strong suits, and soon he was in position to clamp down on the handle and turn in with his beak... but he hesitated. Knowledge was a curse as much as it was a blessing, and knowing how many different species of bacteria were no doubt living on that handle was enough to make the scientist queasy.

Just then, Rico's meaty head popped in through the hatch, and watched Kowalski up-side-down. It took the psychopath a moment or two to understand what Kowalski was attempting to do; at first it looked as if his teammate was trying to initiate a kiss with the pencil sharpener. Rico soon realized that was, in fact, not what he was doing, which was fortunate, because Rico didn't feel like explaining how he knew that wouldn't be a good idea.

Kowalski yelped, his back straightening too quickly, slamming his beak into the sharpener on the way up, when the hefty penguin lost his footing and fell down through the hatch. Rico quickly righted himself, as Kowalski rubbed his sore beak.

"Oh! I c'n 'elp!"

"Nooo!"

Too late. The living storage unit had swiped the pencil, bumped Kowalski out of the way, and was vigorously sharpening the pencil. When he turned back around, he held out a tiny stump that was once the writing utensil, grinning proudly. "'Ere."

The injured penguin slowly reached for the stubby piece of wood, his brain taking a moment to process what he was now holding. But slowly his mind began putting the pieces together, as anger took over. Feeling like this was the last straw to his already frustrating bad two days, Kowalski began to shout loudly as he became redder and redder in his fury.

"Do you have any IDEA what you have DONE?! THIS...This was my LAST PENCIL! Now LOOK at it! LOOK! I can't write with this! Who can write with this? NOBODY, that's who!" Kowalski threw the pencil on the ground before stomping back and forth, Rico merely watching as he felt himself wanting to slink away from the taller penguin. The scientist was actually pretty intimidating when he was at his wits end. Kowalski whipped himself back around, before waving a flipper madly and pointing it at his teammate. "Ruined! Everything involving you lately has just been going horribly wrong! Ruining my experiments, putting me into HORRIBLE situations! THIS. NOW THIS!

"'Oh, Kowalski, it's ONLY A PENCIL,' you might say- BUT IT'S NOT THE PENCIL! The pencil is just a byproduct of everything that's been going wrong! A metaphor, even! Look at it's stubbiness- this wonderful piece of wood and graphite was once in its prime. That is, until YOU came and happened to it!"

Kowalski was huffing and puffing, feeling like he had just let off weeks worth of bottled up agitation. Though still quite miffed, his passionate fury was beginning to fade- leaving him worn out. The scientist turned away, not feeling like he could even LOOk at his teammate anymore. He pinched the brim of his beak with his good flipper, as he tried to apologize.

"I'm sorry, Rico, that was completely uncalled for. I understand that none of this was your fault and that you were merely trying to be of some assistance to me. I'm just...feeling a little on edge right now. I'm sure even you can understand why. Just...can you please leave me alone for a while? I really need some alone time right now…"

Behind him, Rico had deflated so much the tips of his flippers were on the floor. His eyes glistened with unshed tears, and he felt as if his chest was caught in a vice grip, that was tightened with every word his teammate spit at him.

Rico snorted loudly, and wetly, wiping his beak with a flipper, before turning and slowly trudging over to the ladder, grabbing Mrs. Perky on his way. Half way up the ladder, he looked back at Kowalski... who still hadn't turned back around. A single sob escaped the explosive expert's throat, and he scaled the rest of the ladder quickly before he either burst into tears or barfed all over the place. Neither would have done well for his Tuff Dude reputation.

Up top, Skipper watched as Rico and Mrs. Perky walked by. "You crazy couple going out for a romantic evening on the town?" cooed the commander penguin. Rico didn't halt, and simply replied with "Yup."

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do, you dirty dog, you!"

"Grumunug."

Skipper smiled and shook his head. Crazy kids. Who knew where the night would take those two?

Alright, so maybe the squat penguin was in a particularly sappy mood tonight. Was it suspicious that he was standing out here all alone? Was it obvious he was watching a certain otter across the way, stretching out at the top of her slide, after a long day of entertaining the masses?

He hid his binoculars behind his back. Who was spying? Not him.

The binoculars went back up as he noticed something else. Through the lenses were another pair of binoculars, watching Marlene. Skipper's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Ringtail..."

* * *

"Uh, King Julien, don't you think this might be on the side of creepy?"

The royal lemur was hiding in the bushes of the otter habitat, as he watched the said homeowner through his field glasses. He waved off his head servant, not really caring about the gobbly gook that was sputtering out of his noise tube. Next to Maurice was Mort, as the wide eyed little lemur had his own pair of binoculars that were pointed directly at the royal toes.

"I liiiike spying!"

"SHH," Julien said as he continued to look at the otter, as his leg bent back to kick his subject in the face. "Will you be being quiet, Mort! We are being sneaky with de spyness. Like those spy-guys from da movies. The big handsome super rich one. With the number name."

Maurice raised a brow.

"You mean James Bond?"

"Silly Maurice, 'James Bond' isn't even a number."

The aye-aye sighed, feeling frustrated by the fact he sometimes couldn't stand that he was working for such an idiot. He, however, believed that wasn't a proper thought a subject should be having about their king. He decided to change the subject.

"Alright, fair enough. So why ARE we watching Marlene, anyway?"

"Because we don't want to be caught when we do our top secretive-y plan, DUH! We got to be waiting, Maurice, for the most perfect of perfect moments, when Marlene isn't looking, to be going into her cavey home and be taking what should rightfully be MINE!"

"So, uh," Maurice paused as he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, "you sure you ain't doing it because you got the hots for her?"

King Julien laughed.

"Oh, Maurice, you are having it so TOTALLY wrong! I don't have de hots for de otter. She is having de hots for ME and my kingly body. But I am playing hard to get, because dat's what de ladies are liking in their kings. No, Maurice, this is having nothing to be doing with our dramatic relationships like in de soapy operas. I just REALLY want her new shiny thingy!"

"'Shiny thingy?'"

The royal prosimian pointed his binoculars at the cave, before taking his head back and shoving his servant into the viewing apparatus. The aye-aye grabbed onto them, before trying to focus his vision so he could see just what his king wanted him to. He was looking at the side of the home where Marlene showed off different artifacts that were important to her. Things like tea cups, a vase of flowers, and so on. All things they have seen the numerous times they were in the otter's house. However, after a moment, he saw that there was something new laying among them.

"Is that...a pearl necklace?"

Where would Marlene have gotten something like that? Had she swiped it from one of the humans? Marlene didn't seem like the type. Had it fallen into her habitat? Nah, she would have tried to return it by now. Was she back dating the squirrel guy? Haha! Right. Guy couldn't even manage walking and breathing at the same time, no way he'd be bright enough to get his lady something that nice.

Maurice's musings were interrupted as the binoculars were yanked from his hands. "I do not care what it is called, I care that it is being over there, and not around my kingly neck!"

"You bein' serious right now? You really wanna mess with Marlene again? Remember what happened the last time?"

Julien thought for a moment, before shaking his head. "Uh, no, not really. And I already did the telling you about not caring about messing with Marlene, it's not like dat. I just want her shiny neck decoration thingy."

The aye-aye sighed and rolled his eyes. Here we go again. "Alright, fine, I'll go along with it. So what's the plan?"

"After a long time of the spyingness, and the plan-making, I have come up with the bestest, most not-failing plan ever!" announced the king. He reached back and brought up Mort by his left ear.

"Hehe. The pain tickles!"

Soon, the tiny mouse lemur was flying through the air, towards the otter habitat. Julien called after him, "Go, Mort! Be a distraction for your king! With your annoyingness!"

Marlene, during all this time, had not noticed all the men watching her. She was enjoying the rays of the sun on her belly and face, as the otter took in the warmth. While the rain from the day before had been a nice change of pace, cooling down the zoo, Marlene much prefered basking in the sun.

However, some strange noise was disturbing her peace and tranquility, as she popped an eyed open.

"Huh, what in the wor-?"

Marlene never got to finish her inquiries, as something small and fluffy landed on her face. The otter, scared out of her mind, tried to scream and grab at whatever the heck was covering her mouth and eyes. Her cries were garbled, and Marlene soon realized that whatever was on her was holding on for dear life.

"Hiiiii Marlene," the whatever said in a high pitch screech, as the otter felt its tail wrap around her neck, "I'm attached to your faaaaace!"

Before the female could continue with her struggle, Marlene's squirming had inched her body further and further down the slide. The otter let forth another muffled scream as she and the thing on her face slid down and splashed into the cold water. This was enough of a surprise for both of them as the foreign whatever let go of its grip, allowing Marlene to throw it off her face as she returned to the surface of the pool. The homeowner gasped for air, before she looked around to see just what had frightened her.

"MORT?! I! But, you! And….AND WHY DID YOU ATTACK ME?!"

The mouse lemur was floating on his back, giggling as the mini-waves moved his body around the pool. He only stopped his giggling once Marlene picked him up and raised a brow at him.

"Mort…"

"Yeeeees?"

"Why were you on my face?"

Mort giggled again, before grabbing his tail, looking as adorable as ever. He blinked slowly before answering.

"'Cause King Julien said so! I'm a distraction!"

Before Marlene could ask what the small prosimian meant, the otter's neck whipped upward as she looked towards her cave. She heard a huge crash coming from her home, as she threw Mort to the side, before she swam to the edge of her pool and tried to quickly scurry out. The otter got out just in time to see Julien and his left hand servant run out of her cave. It took her a moment before her brown eyes caught the glint of something around the lemur king's neck.

Marlene gasped.

"My...My necklace!"

The fleeing king continued running, but looked back to yell, "You can keep de Mort! I just wanted the shiny thingies!"

Watching where he was running would have served him better than looking back to tell her that, it turned out. He ran right into an outstretched flipper to his gut, and bounced backwards, landing on his booty. Looming over him was an annoyed looking bossy penguin.

Julien turned to whisper to Maurice, who had thankfully come back to try and assist his king. "You know, I think I am having the flashy backs now, and remembering de thing that happened the last time."

"No kiddin'."

Skipper glared down at the fallen lemur. "Ringtail, what are you doing with Marlene's necklace, hmm?"

The ringtail lifted the pearls and pointed to them. "Oh, this? Yes, this is mine now. It is shiny, and pretty, and I wanted it, and I am de king, and... whoa, dis is exactly like the flashy backs! Really tripping out my brainy parts over here."

The penguin ignored most of what Julien had just said, and pointed at him, accusingly. "Just give her back her necklace, Ringtail! We both know what'll happen if you refuse."

"Of course I am knowing, I am knowing everything. ... Maurice, what happens if I am refusing?"

Maurice shrugged and pointed a thumb at Skipper. "He'll probably beat you up."

"See? I was knowing dat- hey, wait. How are you even knowing it as a fact, dat this is her necklace, and dat it wasn't mine dis entire time, huh? Answer that, Mister Accusing Penguin... guy!"

The accusing penguin guy gave the lemur a dirty look before rolling his eyes. "I'd know that necklace anywhere; I'm the one who got-" Skipper stopped himself before he could blow his own cover. "...Got a real instinct, for these things, yeah. I just know. Now hand it over!" he demanded, and made a grab for it.

However, King Julien could be just as determined as the flightless bird, when he truly wanted his way. Glaring as the leader of the penguin gang put his flipper onto the white pearls, the royal lemur jerked his hands and the necklace away.

"No! No I will not be handing it over! Especially not to some guy who isn't even having de hands!"

Skipper growled as he tried to snatch his token of affection toward's his girl back from the egotistical prosimian. But Julien was a lot faster than he looked, as he dodged and scooched back. He rolled away before getting onto his feet and running towards the otter habitat's wall. The king made it to the brick wall, before he scampered up and over. The moment he landed on the other side, however, Julien gave a startled cry as Skipper was already there waiting for him.

"Too slow, Julien, too slow."

All humor was lost, as the avian commander leaped, landing on the idiotic mammal. The force of the attack was enough to send the necklace flying out of King Julien's hands, as both looked up in horror. They both tried to grab and hold the other back, as they equally tried to go after it. Unfortunately, before either could reach and snatch it from the air...it fell straight into the sewers. Both stared in disbelief.

Mort, Marlene, and Maurice arrived just in time to see all of this happen. The otter stepped forward, slowly, as she looked down the sewer entrance. She felt like her heart was being ripped out of her chest, as tears began to sting her eyes. Before Skipper could try to go over and somehow find a way to comfort his woman, the royal lemur opened his big fat mouth.

"Geeze, what a big mess this is being. I can't help but feeling I am somehow being responsible for all of dis...But I am knowing I am not! Look what you've DONE, Skipper! You silly penguin made me lose my shiny thingy!"

Whatever elated, lovesick mood Skipper had been in that evening was now shattered, as the look on his lover's face shattered his heart. She was whimpering and shaking her head, but no actual words were emerging.

"I'm... I'm real sorry about that, um, Marlene. We'll uh-"

"My pearls..."

"Say what now?"

"Those pearls meant so much to me, and now"

"Marlene, please, I'm trying to say we-"

"They're in a dark,"

"Come on!"

"Stinky, slimy, SEWER!"

Marlene stepped on the pieces of Skipper's shattered heart as she scampered back to her habitat, and Skipper watched her go.

The expression he wore when he whipped back around to face Julien, was enough to send waves of fear and unease up the lemur's spine. Maurice stepped up and said, "Uh, yeah, we really should be going now, so... buh-bye."

All three lemurs turned to leave, but froze when the penguin spoke. "Don't you move a muscle in those fuzzy little bodies of yours." Skipper slid his way over to the nearest sewage manhole, and pried the lid off. It clanged loudly as he dropped it to the side. "Now get over here! Pronto!"

"Um, excuse me, but how are we supposed to be doing that, without the moving our muscles part?" questioned Julien.

"He kinda has a point!" agreed Maurice.

"I can move your muscles for you, King Julien!" said Mort, who was immediately shaken off the ringtail's leg after trying and failing to move said leg.

Skipper face-flippered and growled in frustration. "Forget about that part! Just get over here!"

"What part are we supposed to be forgetting about again?"

That was enough. The three lemurs were all roughly shoved over to the manhole by Skipper. "You want me to go down there? Into the dirty, stinky sewer? Because kings do not go into dirty, stinky any places! Unless they are wanting to. Which I am not. The shiny things weren't that pretty."

The aye-aye scratched the back of his head. "Uh... gotta agree with King Julien on this one. It's downright nasty down there."

"It makes my nose all burn-y..." whined Mort, covering his nose with his tiny hands.

Skipper shook his head... these three were hopeless. "This is a search and rescue mission, boys. Now start searching!" ordered the penguin, shoving his team of lemurs down the manhole, before jumping in after them.

He didn't care if they would have to be down there for hours...days...even weeks! Skipper just knew he was going to make sure those pearls were found, no matter what. Because…because as long as he was still alive and kicking, Skipper never wanted to see Marlene's wounded expression ever again.

And the pearls were a first step in this grand plan.

* * *

It was dark by the time Private left the rhinoceros habitat, the sun having set sometime after six. And though it wasn't too long afterwards, the sky was already pitch black. Thankfully both the night lights of the zoo, as well as the faint glow from the city surrounding them, had already begun their fight against the darkness. The young penguin waddled happily as he carried his equestrian doll in his flippers, his spirits still high after having another "secret" lunacorn meeting with his pals. Private was humming cheerfully to himself, when he was suddenly stopped by soft mutterings. He looked up from his doll, as he looked left and right to see what the noise could have been. Looking over towards the right, near the camel exhibit, was a bench. It was who was on the bench that caused Private to raise a brow in concern, as he waddled closer.

"Rico? What are you doing all the way over here, this late at night?"

The gruff penguin atop the bench set the brush he'd been stroking Mrs. Perky's hair with down, but his expression didn't change, nor did he look at the approaching bird. Private had never seen such a wounded expression on Rico's face in conjunction with spending time with his lady friend before. Spending time with his doll usually had the otherwise tough guy penguin a happy, sappy, romantic mess. But he certainly wasn't any of those things, now. Why, it looked as if he'd just lost his best friend- uh oh.

"Oh no! Did something happen with Kowalski?"

Nothing but a mucus-y sniff and a half-sob from Rico.

"But things were going so well! I think? I mean, there has been less yelling than usual... what on Earth happened this time?"

"Margablarn! Ehnna nah mana nehna! Ehn, Ahba, NEH-NEH-NEH-NEH, AHHHH-HAHAAHAAAaaaa..." Rico's wild gesturing stopped as he sobbed openly now, Mrs. Perky forgotten beside him on the bench. Private looked on, with a hurt expression. Oh, poor Rico.

"So you're saying you were trying to help Kowalski, and he got upset, and yelled at you to leave him alone? That doesn't seem right at all..."

"Uh-huh."

"Well... cheer up, then! It'll be alright, you'll see! You'll just have to try harder, is all, in fact we can-"

"NO! Nah moe' frien'ship. Don' wan' it. I gi'up!"

Private gasped. Surely, he couldn't mean that... "Give up on friendship? Rico, don't even say that!"

"Do pardon my intrusion, gentlemen, but I couldn't help but overhear your conversation... or what I suppose passes for conversation on some rudimentary level."

The penguins looked up to see Phil and Mason looking back down at them from their tree. Private brightened and waved at his friend-and-occasional-checkers-playmate. "Oh, hello Mason, Phil! Sorry about the commotion and all that."

Phil signed something, and Mason nodded. "Quite right; our habitat is your habitat. Now, what seems to be the problem? Your friend here looks absolutely crushed!"

Rico went back to brushing his doll's golden locks, trying his best to block out the embarrassing conversation he knew was to come. The youngest penguin, however, did his best to explain the situation as delicately as he could. He twiddled his flippers as he told about the weapons expert's attempts to become best chums with the team's analyst. Mason added verbal cues of understanding here and there, showing that he was following. Phil- the silent member of the chimpanzee duo- however, took the time to intently study the hefty avian on the bench.

When all about the situation was said, the mute primate began to wildly wave his hands as he signed his thoughts to his translator. Mason merely raised a brow as he took in what was being communicated to him.

"Really now? A little cliche', wouldn't you say?"

"What?" Private looked between the two confused, while even Rico looked up from Miss Perky to see what the others had to say. "What is Phil saying, Mason?"

"Ah, well, I suppose he is saying something along the lines that perhaps you are looking at the situation in the wrong light." He paused as his companion signed some more. "Excellent question! Rico, dear boy, your...friend- have you been feeling any differently towards him lately? Different thoughts running through your head, strange ill-like symptoms? Anything at all?"

Rico's hurt look finally lessened some, and he nodded. Finally, real answers! He knew he was sick with something. He had to be.

"Uh-huh!" he replied. Then he mimed barfing, to which Mason grimaced, but got the picture nonetheless, and then the penguin pounded on his gut and made wheezing, hacking sounds as if trying to cough something up from his lungs. "'Ehn mos, too."

The chimps looked mildly shocked, then exchanged knowing looks. Mason began gesturing again. "Yes... Rico, I hate to be the one to break it to you, 'ol bean, but... that fluttering feeling in your abdominal region isn't friendship."

Rico actually smiled now. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you to who ever was in charge of returning his pride and tough dude points this day! He could deal with being ill, he really could! Especially if it meant he wasn't desperate for friendship like some frilly peace-spouting hippie.

"It isn't... well, then what is it?" Questioned Private.

It seemed Phil intended to answer this one, as he began signing away, wearing a rather tranquil expression as he did so. Mason translated.

"Ah yes, Lulu. M-hm. Feeling of elation, anxiousness, ... hm, right, the aforementioned butterflies... feeling as if he's the only guy in the room- no? The world, really? Alright, fine, the only guy in the world who matters whenever he's around. And, the inevitable feeling of emptiness and of being lost when he isn't. Is any of this ringing true for your situation, my boy?"

Rico nodded again. "Yup!"

"Ah, well then, congratulations are in order! It seems you are in love."

The smile that had found Rico's beak vanished suddenly, and he quickly covered Mrs. Perky's ears, and shot the chimpanzees a dirty look.

"Hold on, love? ... With Kowalski?!" asked Private, incredulously.

"Yeah! K'walski?!" added Rico.

The chimps put their hands up in defense, as Mason began to speak for the both of them.

"Now now, we're merely giving you a diagnosis based off of what you presented to us. It's not our place to judge whom you develop feelings of attraction towards, but from what we've heard...It seems to be a severe case."

The youngest penguin still was trying to wrap his head around it, the Lunacorns never covered topics like this before! But as he went past the fact it was with Kowalski, he began to think about his own little spells of affinity towards the girls that have entered his life. He recalled how he felt towards the human veterinarian, Shawna, and how she made him feel all funny as well. A nice feeling, most of the time, though it made him go a little bonkers with how far he'd go just to be around her. That was when a lightbulb went off in his head, as Private applied everything Rico had been doing in the past month or so time. How hard he tried to be close to Kowalski, with very mixed results. Private looked up sympathetically towards his teammate.

"I'm so sorry, Rico, but I think Phil and Mason might be onto something. It would also explain why all my friendship advice hasn't been working very well, doesn't it? I don't think you want friendship with Kowalski at all."

The living storage unit didn't reply. He held his doll at arms' length and gazed into her frozen stare, sadly. She was smiling, sure... but he knew, on the inside, she was just as worried as he was about this possible development. His feelings toward his lady had been dwindling more and more lately, and it scared him. He hugged the Perky doll to his chest and sighed, before slipping off the bench, and waddling towards home, doll still clutched closely to his person.

Private waved to Phil and Mason, thanking them for their time and help, before scurrying off to catch up with Rico back to HQ.

* * *

"Oh dear sky spirits, da stench! I don't know how much longer I can be taking dis! So AWFUL! And putrid! And just SO not being right for the kingly nose!"

The band of zoo animals had been making their way through the sewage, the lemur subjects and the commando penguin actually in the liquid filth as they dug into the waste looking for the lost necklace. Julien, meanwhile, was sitting on the side- on the concrete walkway and away from all the nasty gook as he covered his nose. Maurice, who was trying his best not to gag as he just pulled out some type of foreign garbage from the sewage, glared over his shoulder and at his king.

"I don't know why YOU'RE complaining, you ain't even touching this stuff! Oh man, I've seen and felt some things no man should have ever seen before! This is all levels of nasty!"

"Would you pansies stop with the complaining, " Skipper barked as he trudged further down the sewers as he tried to cover more ground, "we've only been down here ten minutes!"

"Ten minutes too long!" Julien's voice came out a little nasally, as he continued to pinch his nose. "You lazies need to be hurrying it up and find the thingy already!"

"Okay, King Julien, sir!" sang Mort, as he began digging and splashing faster, which did nothing.

Skipper sloshed his way over to the side of the sewage water to give Julien a mock-friendly smile. "Ringtail, come closer for a second, would you?"

"And why would I be doing dat; you smell like stinky t'ings."

"Because I have a super secret secret to tell you! One for royal ears only."

Julien's whole face lit up with an excited smile, as he knelt down within whispering distance. "Oh! I have de royal ears! Tell me, tell me!"

The friendly smile was replaced with a scowl, and a flipper reached up to grab the back of Julien's neck. "Either we find that necklace, or Marlene's going to have a NEW necklace! Made out of lemur teeth. Understood?"

One yank later, and the lemur king toppled over into the grimy waters, breaking surface a second later, screaming. "The royal coat, it has been SOILED! And I got some of it in my mouth!" Julien spent the next three minutes retching and spitting.

"Well, well, well! Look who decided to visit. Three pussy cats and a tiny little penguin!"

Skipper looked up and gasped, as he saw an enormous rat standing up the way, surrounded by numerous smaller rodents.

"It's the Rat King!" said Maurice.

"You know, I am remembering this guy in a sort of vaguely way." added Julien. But Skipper noticed something even more relevant than the hulking rodent. Something wrapped around the Rat King's muscle-bound forearm.

"And he has Marlene's necklace!"

The burly rodent smiled a challenging smile, as he held up his arm and pointed at the pearls around his muscled form.

"Oh, you squirts talking 'bout this? Nice, right? Totally just found it while we were working out. I don't know about you, but I think it's perfect for a king."

The royal lemur threw his arms in the air, as he laughed triumphantly.

"Haha! SEE, that's what I was saying!" He stopped laughing as he stroked his chin. "Except, ya know, I was kinda talking more about de royal me more than de royal you."

The penguin put a webbed foot forward, as he met the rat's challenge and was ready to take back the gift.

"And I'll have to not-so-politely disagree. Now hand it over, rat face, before I have to MAKE you."

"Pfft. Just try, penguin."

"Alright, let's dance!"

Skipper leaped out from the sewage, as he landed right under the giant king. The Rat King clenched his fist tightly, as he swung down his right arm to pound the flightless bird into the concrete. The avian commander dodged it easily, before slipping in between the rodent's legs. On the other side Skipper was greeted by an army of rats, who started throwing punches of their own. The penguin blocked with his flippers as he spun around and knocked all the soldiers down. Before he could feel triumphant and mock them, Skipper gasped as he ducked just in time for the royal rodent to miss hitting him in the face. He slipped to the side before he started punching and kicking the king's gut.

"Um, hello!" Skipper growled as he continued to fight. "Want to do a little more than stand around, lemurs? Kinda got a big battle goin' on, over here!"

Said lemurs had gotten themselves out of the water, and were watching the fight from a safe distance. They straightened when the penguin called out to them.

"No, that is okay, you go ahead and do de work part, and we, will do de, you know, waiting and cheering parts."

Maurice looked up at him. "Don't you feel guilty at all about all this? Even a tiny bit?"

"No." replied Julien, crossing his arms over his chest defiantly and standing proud. His stance weakened as he watched Skipper get flicked away into a nearby wall, only to bounce back and try again. Why did he do that? Why didn't he just give up when things got too hard? Julien would never understand it, but perhaps a small, hidden part of him respected it.

"Yeah okay, maybe a little tiny itty-bitty bit." muttered the lemur king, showing just how little with his thumb and forefinger. "Mort, go help the bossy penguin in getting the shiny things back!"

There was a startled scream moments later, and the Rat King began to stumble around. "My face! There's something on my face! I can't see, and stuff!"

Mort clung to the rodent's face as tightly as he could, wrapping his tail around the back of his head. "Rodney says hiiii..."

Skipper smiled crookedly up at the stumbling behemoth. "Nice distraction work, Sad-Eyes!"

Maurice was busy with the smaller rats, keeping them at bay. A portion of them, anyway. "I'll take care of these little guys!" called the aye-aye. A rat stretched to look him in the eye.

"Hey! Who you callin' little, bub?" he challenged.

He was under Maurice's bottom a second later. "You! Heh heh."

Julien was suddenly perched atop the Rat King's blinged arm, reaching down to retrieve the stolen jewelry. The strong magnetic clasp that held it closed broke free, and the lemur king held it up, victoriously. "Heh-hay! I've got it, I win!"

"Oh no you DON'T!"

The Rat King used one hand to rip off the mouse lemur from his face as his other hand to clasp around the king lemur's neck, squeezing him like a stress toy. During this struggle, Julien dropped the pearl necklace as he tried to desperately free his neck. Air...Not having. Lungs...sorta needing! The royal rodent laughed as he threw the lemur king and his subject over his shoulder, as they kaplunked and splashed into the sewage. The Rat King felt smug as he bent over to pick up the jewelry.

If he was paying attention, however, he would have seen Skipper come at his skull with a piece of pipe he broke off from the walls. The rodent bit down hard, as he was sure he must have cracked some teeth. He stumbled back, dropping the necklace, as it was momentarily forgotten as the king was seeing red. The burly rat charged, ready to run over and put the full hurt on the penguin. However, at the very last moment, Skipper backflipped over the Rat King, smirking as he saw the rodent look upward at him in disbelief and awe. The royal rodent was too focused on this act, that he forgot that he was still running forward at top speed.

By the time Skipper hit the ground, the Rat King had smacked hard into the brick wall- instantly knocking himself out cold.

"Don't you just love it when the bad guys do all the work for you? My only regret is that I couldn't have been the one to give him the K.O. with my OWN flippers!" The penguin merely shrugged as he waddled over to the necklace, and picked it up with a flourish. "No matter! All that matter's is that we got THIS baby back for one beautiful la-OW! WHAT THE DEUCE?!"

Skipper's victory speech was interrupted by another slap to the head by some foreign object. The commando penguin whipped himself around to see Julien hitting him with a partially eaten trout. Before the bird could yell some more, he noticed that the mammal's eyes were covered by sewage as the king continued to slap him with the fish.

"And DIS is for throwing me into the stinky wateriness! And DIS is for attacking me and my buddies in de first place! And DIS- well, actually, I don't really know what dat one is for. We'll just be leaving dat one as a future insult to my kingliness!"

During the assault by the blinded idiot, Skipper was smacked hard onto the concrete floor. The avian leader fell hard, as the necklace flew from his flippers. Skipper cried out, as he swiftly kicked his attacker away as he also tried to go after the pearls. He dived, feeling the world slowly ticking by as he watched himself getting closer and closer to the target. Right when he felt that the necklace would be safe, his flippers just aaaalmost there, the jewelry went out of his reach. Time speed up once more as Skipper saw, in his horror, the pearls go down an opened pipe. The penguin tried to put his flipper down it, to grasp the necklace before it ricocheted too far out of his reach and was lost for good.

"ComeoncomeonCOMEON!"

He grasped at nothing as he felt the pipes vibrate as it sent the pearls further and further away- this time lost for good as he had no idea where the pipe even led to. Skipper growled as he forcefully removed his arm from the pipe as he fell to his knees and cried to the sewer covered heavens.

"NOOOOOOOOooooooo!"

The penguin was joined by the three lemurs; two of them looked sorry. Julien, however, scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"I do not know why you have to be being all drama-y about it, I did all de hard work. I did not even need your stupidy penguin help. See? Pretty impressive, right?" he said, pointing toward the fallen Rat King.

Skipper rose to his feet. His flippers were clutched into what could pass as fists at his sides, and he was doing his best to keep calm by keeping his breathing even. Maurice picked up on this and took a step back.

"Uh... your majesty, I think maybe now would be a good time to get the heck out of here."

"Yes, I was just thinking dat, it's still really stinky and dirty down here."

"No, I mean-"

"Oh Ringtail?" Skipper lilted, still facing away from the mammals.

"Yes, what is it?" Julien asked, mimicking the same lilt. Skipper suddenly whipped around to face them, and his expression did not match his cheery voice.

"GIVE ME THOSE TEETH!" he cried, pouncing on the lemur.

Screams of terror echoed and rose from the depths of the sewers under the zoo. Many of the animals chattered in fear as the wails rose up from underneath them, speaking of horrors unlike anything they had heard before. The cries grew louder and louder, mixed with other screams of terror and anger. And then suddenly there was nothing…

The silence was, by far, the scariest part.


	9. Along Came Max

Private was clutching Princess Self Respectra in his flippers as he tried to ignore the violent screams that were emitting from the telly behind him. Once the two had returned home, the youngest member of the team tried to approach Rico about what the chimpanzees had commented on. However, the hefty penguin merely brushed him off as he plopped himself in front of the television, holding Miss Perky tightly to his chest, as he turned the channels until he got to the 24/7 Horror Channel. It was a known fact, among the penguins, that Rico preferred to watch the bloodiest, scariest, most disturbing movies when he was very upset and needed time alone.

Which was just what Private did, as he found himself shaking and jumping every so often as the music would become too creepy, or as another cry would blast from the speakers. It was starting to become a little too much for the lad to handle, and besides...he didn't quite think mind-numbing gore and violence was the way to go. So working up the courage, Private put down his equestrian doll as he waddled his way to in front of the telly, blocking the strange bandage-covered nurse that just popped up in the movie.

Rico glared.

"Ey! Man, 'ohm on!"

Private folded his flippers over his chest, in a gesture he hoped looked more confident than he felt. "Rico, you can't just ignore matters of the heart, by watching bloody, violent movies all day!"

Rico scowled at the penguin blocking the television. "Yeah-hah!" he argued, swinging Mrs. Perky at him like a baseball bat. Private luckily ducked in time, and stood his ground.

"No, you can't! It doesn't work that way, Rico! You have to go talk to Kow-HEY! Knock it off- OW!"

Private couldn't dodge the doll while he was being pummelled with it. "Ca' too, ca' too, ca' too! Moooove!"

Private scurried off, to where Rico didn't care, and the psychopath settled in again to watch his bloody horror- the news? The channel flicked over again, this time to some sappy soap opera, and Rico found the remote had gone missing. He searched around himself, and then spotted Private across the room, holding the precious device. The television clicked off, and the young penguin waved the remote in the air, teasingly.

"You want to watch the telly? You'll be needing this, then, won't you?"

Rico got up and charged for the much smaller bird, who yelped and took off, past Rico, weaving just in time to avoid being grabbed. By the time Rico spun around, Private was already at the lab door. The walking storage unit's stomach dropped out as he watched Private open the door, and chuck the remote through the doorway, the door clanging shut after it.

"There, now you have to face the truth!" quipped the private. He didn't bother mentioning the fact you didn't technically need the remote to turn the telly on or change the channels, and luckily Rico didn't seem to realize it.

Rico growled and grumbled incoherently, the glaring scowl never leaving his features. Private smiled sheepishly, and scurried away, past Rico again, and over to the ladder, ready to ascend if necessary. But the hefty bird didn't give chase again, he simply looked back at him with an almost hurt expression, before turning back to the lab door and sighing loudly.

The heavy laboratory door cracked open, and Rico listened closely. He could hear Kowalski mumbling from inside.

"Valve...cylinder and cylinder head...crankshaft and distributor.."

As the scientist continued to list things, Rico found himself growing curious as they were parts he actually recognized. The weapons expert opened the door a little wider as he squinted his eyes and he tried to hear the mutterings.

"Piston, carburettor, fanbelt…" Kowalski paused as he looked over his notebook closely, his good flipper holding it as his other was tucked safely to his side in a cast and sling. The scientist grumbled as he violently shook the pages in frustration. "Nix that! Of COURSE I don't have one in my inventory. Great, just great. I have every piece I need to start my drill regiment underground sub-ewer BUT the fanbelt. CAN this day get any WORSE?!"

The tallest penguin, in his fury, wasn't paying attention to where he and his surroundings were. Kowalski cried out in pain as he ended up banging his bad arm onto his workbench. His misfortune seemed to just upset him more, as he ended up throwing his notebook over his shoulder.

"Why? Why must fate be a cruel mistress to me? Haven't I been a GOOD man of science? Haven't I always done the right thing...er, for the most part, anyway? Why, OH WHY, must all these misfortunate events keep happening to ME?!"

Rico, still hidden behind the door, found his heart ache at seeing his fellow teammate in so much pain. His stomach felt heavy as he felt sick- a part of him wanted to run up to the scientist and just wrap his flippers around him as he tried to make him feel better. Another part, however, wanted to run and hide as he recalled what Kowalski had said just a mere hour or so before. Rico felt guilty as he remembered that a lot of Kowalski's bad luck, as of late, really WAS his fault.

But, most of all...he heard Mason's words echoing in his head as he gave a name to his illness- love. He still had his doubts about it, not sure how one could just so suddenly fall for a friend out of the blue...Yet, as he continued to look onto the scene before him, Kowalski more miserable than he had ever seen him before, the hefty penguin felt himself glare in a steely sort of determination. Seeing the notebook just a mere foot away from the door, Rico carefully crept into the room as he grabbed it. Just as cautiously, he snuck out again as he closed the door behind him. The weapons expert looked down at the checklist as he saw the crude doodle that Kowalski needed for his whatchamacallit.

Fanbelt.

Got it.

"So," Private said as he waddled closer to Rico, careful and equally unsure of the stronger penguin's mood, "how did it go, then?"

Rico bumped the youth to the side, as he made his way to the hatch. Tucking the notebook under an arm, he started to climb as Private worriedly followed after him. The muscled bird stopped, before shaking his head telling the other penguin not to follow.

"'Otta 'oh. 'Atch over 'Walski!"

"'Watch over Kowalski?' But Rico, where are you going? Rico?"

Rico climbed out the hatch, not giving his comrade any reply. Private rushed up the ladder after him, peeking his head left and right as he desperately tried to see where his friend had run off to.

Private didn't like the unsettling feeling that was growing in his stomach, as all that greeted him was the silence of the night.

* * *

Moonlight sifted through the dust covered windows of the Autoparts Store located a mile from Central Park Zoo, casting a dull glow on its abandoned linoleum floor. A disheartened penguin peered in at the stripped empty store, his flippers and face pressed to the outside of the glass door, and even though he couldn't read the "CLOSED" sign, or the hastily scribbled "FOREVER" directly under it, the barren interior told the same story.

Rico sighed as he stepped away from the door, his normally black flippers turned a pale gray from the dust now clinging to them. He rid the tip of his beak of the thin layer of dust with his tongue, wrinkling his beak at the taste. "Bleh!"

Well now what? Rico glanced down the street... well, there was another mechanics store about eight miles away... but there was no way he was going to get there on foot or belly. Not before morning, anyway. Thankfully, the city was full of opportunities, and soon the hefty bird was speeding down the road towards his supposed destination, clinging to the underside of a taxi.

The ride was over twenty minutes later, and the penguin slipped out from under it, hid behind a trashcan, and waited for the taxi to pull away again.

It didn't take long for Rico to realize the ride he'd hitched had taken him in the complete opposite direction of where he intended to go. "AWWWwwwohhh..." moaned Rico, before pounding his head into the side of a brick wall repeatedly in frustration. Yeah okay, planning wasn't his strong suit. This is why he didn't do solo missions. This is why is was the "blow things up" member of the team.

A tap on the penguin's shoulder had him spinning around, flippers raised and ready to throw down if necessary.

Mooncat stumbled back and cringed at the threatening pose. "AH! Please don't hit me! I'm innocent!"

Rico relaxed and smiled. It was the Mooncat! Mooncat was always a welcome sight. "Oh 'ey, Moon'at!"

Max relaxed now, too, and returned the smile. "Uh, yeah, it's Max, I wish you'd just call me Max." he said, scratching the back of his head. Rico just stood there, smiling at him for a moment.

"Moon'at!"

"Yeah I thought so. So hey! What brings you all the way out here? And where are the rest of you? Aren't there usually four of you?"

The penguin in front of him began babbling incoherently and gesturing, obviously telling a story that completely eluded the feline. Max scratched his head and shrugged.

"Oh yeah, you're the one who can't really... speak so good, huh?"

Rico frowned... right. Not everyone could understand him the way his team could. Oh, wait! He belched up Kowalski's notepad and held it up for the Mooncat to see, tapping the drawings with the tip of his flipper with a grin.

Max leaned in to study the crude drawings. "I'm guessing these are... car parts, maybe? You're lookin' for car parts?"

The penguin eagerly nodded his head, as he did a little dance in place- FINALLY they were getting somewhere!

"Ya know, I always did wonder how you guys always had dough on ya. Especially considering the fact you're just birds. So I assumed you found out the Ma and Pop place on Fifth Avenue was closed down, huh? WELL, did you ever think t'try the dump? I see old cars lying around there ALL the time. Like junk yard heaven!" Max paused before continuing to sell the idea. "Plus, ya know, free. Free is always good. Trust me on THAT one."

And trust Rico did. Heck, free worked for him. He was desperate enough that he was actually considering just taking some random car on the street apart to get that fanbelt. So if this saved him some trouble, and was a bit better on a morality base, then by all means! The penguin grabbed onto the felines paw, as he began dragging him in the area he assumed the closest dump was.

"Om on, 'Oon'at! 'Ump!"

"Gah! Oh, um, you want me to go with you? Right, yeah, okay. But we're KINDA going the wrong way here, man!"

...Okay, maybe he should let Max lead the way.

* * *

All was quiet, as the hours continued to tick on. Not much could be heard but a few mumblings of soft conversations, and running water. The manhole next to the fountain on the west side of the zoo, however, broke that silence as it suddenly sprung into the air and clashed on the ground not to far from the spot. Out from the sewer entrance emerged a small penguin, as he lept from the hole with as much energy as ever. following shortly behind him, however, was the head of a severely beaten and bruised lemur king as he rode on his aye-aye servant's back. Maurice was grumbling as he carried the weight, as the royalty moaned dramatically from his pain.

"Sheesh, I get why you're upset with the guy," Maurice mumbled, "but couldn'tcha have waited until AFTER we were up here to kick his butt?"

"Oh, oh da pain! The royal everything is throbbing and achey in all sorts of horribly ways!" King Julien continued to whine, as his servant removed him from his back and plopped down next to him. "Maurice! Be making de pain be going away!"

At the moment, Mort sprung up from the sewer as he landed next to his fellow lemurs.

"I know what will be making you better, King Juuulian!" The smallest mammal jumped onto the royal toes, as he began to hug and kiss them passionately. "Kisses make aaaall the ouchies go away!"

Julien wailed pathetically again, but this time it had an underlying tone of anger to it. "Mort, you are making it be worse! Go be annoying in another place, that isn't this place!" complained the king, scraping him off his foot with his other foot. Mort plopped to the ground in a dreamy daze; the royal foot had touched him! On purpose!

Skipper turned to face the lemur trio, flippers behind his back. "Men... I'd like to say it's been a pleasure working with you, but that would be a bold-faced-stinking-LIE. In fact, you're pretty much worthless." Despite the sting behind the meaning of the words, the penguin's tone had no vehemence to it. He spoke in a very calm, matter-of-fact way. It seemed he had expelled all of his anger while beating up Julien. He turned to leave.

"You are dismissed."

Skipper ignored the lemur king as he insisted it was not him who was being dismissed, as he walked away, to where he wasn't sure. He didn't feel he'd be able to rest knowing how distraught Marlene was... and because of him, when it came right down to it. He didn't figure he could face her right now, either... so where did that leave him to go?

"Psst! Hey! Hey, Skipper! Hello?"

The commando penguin was torn from his introspection by the loud whispering, and looked up to see Roger leaning over his habitat wall across the way. The large reptile waved when he was spotted, giving a smile that was obviously meant to be friendly, but the jaws full of razor-sharp teeth were hindering its intention.

"Roger? What are you doing up so late?" questioned Skipper, waddling over to the habitat wall and craning his neck up to face the alligator.

"Oh, I know I shouldn't be up so late! But I just can't sleep! I'm too nervous..." the hulking alligator covered his eyes with his claws and shook his head. Skipper raised a brow, his own woes momentarily forgotten.

"Nervous? What's a big guy like you got to be worried about?"

"Well! You see, I was down in the sewers not too long ago, looking for things to use for my arts and crafts... you'd be surprised the kinds of things you can find down there!"

The penguin nodded. "Right..."

"Anyway, I found this really nice necklace down there, and-"

"A necklace?!" interrupted Skipper, his woes not so much forgotten anymore.

"Yeah, I know! Who would throw away something so lovely? Now, now I know what you're thinking; 'Roger, you should try and return it to its rightful owner', but trust me, as an alligator I know, when it ends up in the sewer, it's because no one wants it anymore."

Skipper was only half-listening at this point. Hope glimmered on the horizon. "Um yeah, great, Roger, could I-"

"And I was thinking... of giving it to Pinky. What do you think, too bold? Would that be coming on too strong? Oh, I just don't know! I don't wanna mess this up..." the giant reptile collapsed dramatically, draped over the wall, his face hidden.

"Could- wait, what? Pinky? ... The flamingo? Isn't he a... well, a he? ... Not that there's anything wrong with that." shrugged Skipper, awkwardly. Roger sprung up again, and gaped at Skipper.

"... Is he? Are you sure? How can you be sure? Is there a way to tell with you birds?"

"DNA test, apparently." The penguin smiled fondly as he recalled how Kowalski had botched up his own test, and how it was yet another moment where he and his girl grew closer. "But seriously, not that I'm one to say anything against love-"

"Love?! Oh, well, I wouldn't go THAT far! Really, I just think they're cute and we've talked a few times, and I rather enjoyed their company. I was thinking maybe LUNCH first, nowhere even near the whole LOVE department. But who knows? Maybe Pinky and I will tie the knot as man and...Er. Would it be rude to just ask what they are? Not that it matters too much, one way or another I suppose, but I'm sorta having pronoun trouble here. Or do you think that's too personal and can be seen as an insult? Oh, I REALLY don't want to offe-"

"ROGER," Skipper interrupted the alligator, only feeling a little sorry when he jumped from fright," LOOK, can I see the necklace you found? Not to jump to conclusions, but I have a sneaky suspicion I know who it belongs to."

"Oh! Yeah yeah, sure thing pal. Wait here for a moment, would ya? I left it by my tree for safe keeping."

Roger returned a moment later, and the hope on the horizon washed over Skipper in a wave of relief as he saw the string of shining pearls dangling from the reptile's claw. The commando penguin felt like he could jump for joy, but he wasn't the type, so a cool smile would have to suffice.

"And my suspicions were correct! Roger, I'd know those pearls anywhere. They belong to the lovely Marlene."

Roger gasped. "Marlene? The nice otter with the scary snoring, oh! I feel terrible I was going to keep them! Oh, she must miss them terribly, I- why were they in the sewer?"

The penguin's smile fell and he looked shocked for a split second. "Oh, um... well, Julien-"

Roger held up a claw to stop him. "Say no more, say no more. Here, bring this back to Marlene, please? Would you?"

"You got it, reptile. Consider them delivered and accounted for."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you so much!" The pearls dropped into Skipper's flipper, and he waved his farewells to the alligator. Skipper was practically all smiles as he slid away and rushed to the other side of the zoo, where the otter habitat was located. Sure, he was tired, slightly sore from the beating he received from the Rat king, and he probably smelled like something that died and then was boiled in stomach acids of a sheep…But, in all honesty, he couldn't care less.

He had a special lady to cheer up, after all!

* * *

Max and Rico looked up at the sign attached to the gate surrounding the dump. An Autumn chill was settling along the New Jersey coast; however, that wasn't what made them shiver. While neither of them could read, they were very good at reading symbols and telling when something was ominous about them. Max was shaking violently as he pointed to the sign.

"D-d-dog! That's a dog! That means there are MUTTS here, just waiting for us on the other side to shread us LIMB from LIMB!"

Rico sniffed the air, confirming that there were, indeed, dogs somewhere. There was also some unfinished tuna somewhere in there! Heeey, that sounded promising! However, the hefty penguin shook his head as he tried to make himself focus. No, not fish. This is not the time for fish. Fish was not on the agenda. They were there to look for parts of an engine, that's all.

Finally, Rico turned to his feline companion as he placed a flipper on his back for support.

"'Ey, no orry 'out et!" He smiled, even as he chucked up a small stick of dynamite. "'Ee 'og? KABOOM! Yeaaah, WHOO!"

For a moment, the Mooncat was far away, his face blank, as he stared straight ahead at nothing. Dogs... exploding? Oh, oh yes, that was a dream come tr- NO! Bad Max, that is NOT okay! He shook his head, and he was back.

"Jeez, big guy, you really don't have any sense of morality, do ya?"

"Mmm..." Rico thought for a moment. "Nope."

Max gingerly took the dynamite from the penguin's flipper and tossed it away over his shoulder... where it exploded with a deafening ka-boom. The feline jumped, cringed, and looked at Rico with wide, unbelieving eyes. "It wasn't even lit! How does that even HAPPEN?!"

The penguin shrugged. "I 'unno."

Unfortunately, the sound didn't go unnoticed by the dogs inside, and the bone-chilling barking that arose was enough to make the fur on Max's tail stand on end. "They found us! They know we're here! The jig is up, we're done for!"

Rico gave the cat cowering behind him at his feet a mildly disgusted look, as the barking grew steadily louder. Soon the pack of four dogs were in sight, charging and snarling. The Mooncat screamed, shot up, and took off- or, at least, he intended to, but he just wasn't going anywhere with Rico standing on his tail.

"What are you doing! Run! They're almost here, they'll rip us apart, they-"

Max was grabbed by the shoulders, and his heart nearly stopped as he was shoved mere inches from the small pack of snarling dogs. This was it, his final moments, he had been betrayed by one of his only friends, why wasn't he dead yet?

Oh, right. There was still a gate between them. After taking a moment to get over feeling like a fool, Max smirked at the dogs, and, confident he wasn't going to try running away again, Rico let him go.

"Yeeaaah, not so tough now, are ya? Yeah yeah, growl, snarl, I'm a big mean, stinky dog! I sniff my own butt and roll in my... well, you know."

The dogs all grew silent, as most of them looked offended. The feline felt like he had won a small victory, until the dogs moved aside so that a giant scary looking doberman could come up front and glare down at the both of them. He growled as he showed his fangs.

"What did you's say t'us, kitty cat?"

Max momentarily forgot about the fence once more as he cried out and hid behind Rico for safety.

"NYEAH! I-uh- I was merely saying that you guys are all great, classy even, and in no way do you guys do anything like rolling around in your-"

"BEAT IT," the doberman leader snarled out, "You's ain't suppose to be here. An' you don't wanna see what happens to nobody that comes around MY turf!"

Rico scowled as he began to size up the dog. Oh, he could take him. He could take him easily, no problem. And he was ready to do it, too - already beginning to regurgitate another bomb- when he was suddenly lifted into the air as they started going the opposite direction.

"'EY! What da?!"

The hefty penguin looked down to see that Mooncat was the one holding onto him, as they ran a good distance before hiding around a wall. The feline huffed and puffed, before seeing the penguin's glare turned at him instead.

"Hey! Don't look at me like that! Tactical retreat, an' all that. Did ja see those guys? *I* saw those guys! And if we're gonna get you that car part, we're gonna have t'think outside the box here. Gotta come up with a plan, be the dog and all that kinda stuff!"

Oooh, right. Rico was beginning to understand the jist of it a little more, as his glower softened. He nodded his head up and down excitedly, before dropping on all fours and wagging his feathery bottom, tongue hanging out as he panted. Skipper always called him an attack dog for a reason, and Rico assumed it must have been for his canine like properties.

Max merely watched in mild amusement, until the penguin tried to sniff his rear. He jumped, before waving off the flightless bird.

"Woah now! Alright, maybe thinking like a dog might not be the best plan here." Mooncat paused, as a lightbulb went off in his head. "Buuuut, thinking like a CAT might just be! Alright, buddy, here's the plan…"

Rico listened intently, as a smile grew wider and wider on his face. He chuckled darkly to himself as he was enjoying what he was hearing. Now this plan…

This he could get behind.

* * *

An ear twitched, and the dog's head jerked up, as he listened. Another dog spoke up beside him. "'Ey, you hear somethin'? Because I definitely heard som-"

The first dog's paw swatted him in the face to shut him up. After a while more of listening, the first dog turned back to him. "Yeah, there's a somethin that needs checkin' out over there, alright. Grab Lenny and Granger and meet me over there."

'Over there' happened to be near the fence a few yards away. The dog sniffed the air and growled. Cat. That same cat from earlier, if he wasn't mistaken... and his nose was never mistaken.

"Hey there, I'm a cat over here, Meow, meow, hiss, and snarl!"

The dog turned and his nose was proven right, not that there had been any doubt. That cat from earlier sat perched atop an old rusted out bus, grinning in a way that made the canine's blood boil. Oh, how he hated cats.

"How'd you's get in, anyway?"

"It's a little thing called 'climbing'. Something that I, a cat, can do, and you, a stupid dog, cannot."

Max's grin was gone as this dog was joined by three other dogs. "Oh, you's is gonna regret comin' in here, cat."

The feline yelped as two dogs lunged, missing his tail by inches. "Oh, I already am, I already am!" he cried, as he took off, four very angry dogs hot on his heels.

How was it, Max thought to himself, that whenever there were penguins involved, he ended up running in terror, scared for his own life? He really needed to find new friends.

Their chase led them deep into the dump, back to where the old, rotting tires were kept. The four dogs skidded to a stop in a small clearing, mounds of said tires towering on every side. The cat's trail had been momentarily lost, his scent obscured by the smell of old rubber.

"We know's you's here, cat. Why doncha' just come out an' make it easier for all of us?" called out the leader dog.

"Hey, I think I smell 'em..."

"I think I smell some tunafish."

From somewhere not too far away, they heard "'Ey! 'Ats 'ine!"

The four canines spun around just in time for the ground to begin to shake, as the six piles of tires surrounding them shot into the air, scattered by some sort of explosion. The sound alone on their sensitive ears was enough to make them yipe, in spite of themselves.

Tires rained down upon the dogs, each of them hunkered down, holding their paws over their heads. By the time the tires had stopped falling, the dogs found their world had gone dark.

Max and Rico high-fived one another, outside of the tire prison. Rico's expertise on explosives really was impressive; it looked as if the tires had been stacked up by hand, to form a sort of crude pyramid.

"Oh," Mooncat began, all smiles, "You, sir, are a genius. Real craftsmanship goin' on here!"

The penguin looked down at his feet, actually feeling a little modest, as he waved a flipper at the cat. Oh, flattery will get him far in life! However, Rico's gushing quickly turned to seriousness as his eye caught the tire pile once more. Right, they had work to do. And who knew how long the dogs would be knocked out? Heck, he sure didn't know!

Nor did he want to find out.

Rico regurgitated the list, before shoving it into the cat's paws. Max looked confused for a minute, as the flightless bird pointed at the image of the fanbelt before pointing in two different directions.

"Oo 'at way, eh go 'at way. Yeah?"

"Uh," the feline stalled, as his brain took a moment to put together the pieces," oh! Split up- gotcha. Can do. We'll just signal somehow if we find it, okay?"

Rico nodded before dashing off in the direction he pointed in, penguin sliding away and soon out of Max's sight. The weapons expert looked left and right, trying to see if he could see any cars laying around. A few times he got excited as he would see a piece of an automobile peeking behind a tower of junk, only to see it was just a tire or a bumper. He grumbled before bolting off again, still on his search.

About half an hour had gone by, and Rico wasn't having any luck. The penguin was starting to feel down, worried that they had done all that work to get in there, for nothing. Right when he was going to signal for Max to find him, so they could leave before the dogs woke up and found them, the hefty commando perked up as he suddenly heard a car horn go off. Once...twice...Yeah, he was SURE he was hearing it! Rico quickly turned around before making his way to where he was hearing the horn coming from. It didn't take long for the penguin to find Mooncat at the wheel of 1996 Honda Civic- rusty, without wheels, and all its windows broken- on top of a pile of garbage.

"'Ey! 'Oo oun' uhn!"

The cat grinned at him through the shattered windshield. "I sure did, buddy-boy! Now, let's pop the hood of this bad boy, grab the whatchamacallit, and get the heck outta' here, what do ya say?"

"Yeah!" cheered Rico, already scrambling up the pile of trash. Max searched around for the lever, or switch, or button, that would pop the trunk, but let's be honest here, he had no idea what he was doing. "Okay, I uh, I think I almost got it, runnin' out of buttons over here."

The car buckled and Max covered his ears as the sound of groaning metal filled the air. It seemed Rico was tired of waiting, and the hood was lifted right off of its old rusted hinges, and tossed to the side. Max shuddered; that penguin was downright scary sometimes. Rico hopped down into the car, out of Max's current range of sight.

The feline sat there and watched as various nuts and bolts and other small parts flew up and out of the gaping hole left in the front of the car. After what seemed like hours, but was more likely a few minutes, the penguin hopped back up onto the bumper, a long black belt looped around his neck like a much-too-long necklace. His white feathers were smeared with grease now, but if the bird's ecstatic grin was any indication, he couldn't care less.

"Ta-daaaah!" Rico sang.

"Very fashionable, it's a good look on you." The striped cat hopped out of the broken window, before continuing. "So that's all you needed, right? We all good, here?"

Rico hopped down next to him, before squeezing Mooncat in a big hug. The penguin then let go, still smiling even as he saw the cat look down at the black gook now on his fur in disgust, before holding out his flippers and upchucking three big and tasty looking trouts. He put them in the feline's paws.

"'Ere ya oh, 'uddy. 'Ee ya!"

Max merely looked down at the gift happily- it had been a while since he ate a good meal, after all- before looking up and seeing his penguin friend already a good distance off. Max waved as he called out to him:

"No, thank YOU, pal! Pleasure to help, ya know, and all that jazz!" He looked back at the fish, as he licked his lips." Mmm, ya know...Those penguins really aren't that bad. Good group of guys. Though...I wonder what the tubby one even wanted with that thingamawhoozit anyway…"

Mooncat didn't get a chance to question the matter any further, as he suddenly heard barking a little too close for comfort.

"Nyeah! Nevermind THAT, I'M GETTIN' OUTTA HERE!"

* * *

All was quiet in the otter habitat... all right, no it wasn't. Marlene was snoring like a bulldozer; but, the point was, the otter was fast asleep. And by the way she was tossing and turning, it was a troubled slumber.

She awoke with a short yelp, sitting bolt upright in her bed. The dream was already fading from her memory, but it hadn't been the dream that had awoken her, anyway. She had heard something... she sat and listened for it in the silence.

And there it was again. It sounded like a rock tapping against another rock... or was it against the cave wall? Marlene shivered and squinted into the murky darkness, and silhouetted against the moonlight at the cave entrance was-

"Skipper? What are you... doing?"

She heard the rock clatter to the ground as it was tossed away, and shielded her eyes from the flashlight that was suddenly switched on. "What, I was knocking. I thought you liked that common courtesy hogwash."

"Knocking? ... With a rock?"

Skipper rolled his eyes impatiently. "Marlene, you see these flippers? They're lethal weapons! Perfect for a throwdown with anyone, at any time, any place. But knocking, not so much."

"Ah, I...see," the otter wrapped her blanket tighter around herself, as a cold wind blew past the cave entrance. She shivered, as the penguin began waddling into her home. Marlene quickly had to hold her nose, as a foul stench suddenly greeted her. "Oh, man, what's that smell?!"

"Sewers."

"...Sewers?"

Skipper smiled as he finally made it to his mammalian girlfriend, as he grabbed her hand and stuffed something in it.

"Yep, sewers."

Marlene's confused and disgusted features began to vanish as she looked down to see what was given to her. Her honey eyes lit up, as a smile spread widely on her face. There, in her mitts, was her lost trinket she had been lamenting over for a good many hours. She was so happy, she felt tears beginning to prick her eyes.

"My...My necklace…"

Skipper genuinely found himself surprised as the next thing he knew, his lover had thrown her arms around his neck as she hugged him tightly. Her blanket slipped, as she had gotten onto her knees to reach him. The penguin heard quiet sniffling as he felt the otter's hands resting against him- the one still holding those precious pearls.

"Oh...Oh Skipper! You found them! You actually found them!"

The avian commander found himself relaxing, as he wrapped his own flippers around the mammal's form. He smiled softly as his girl still refused to let him go.

"Of course I did! What kind of man would I be if I didn't at least try to find them? Especially after that look you had after losing them."

"But," Marlene began as she pulled herself away from the embrace slightly, "wasn't it hard? I mean, to even find them? We've been down there before, that place is huge!"

"Hard? Naaah. Difficulty level was minimal- pretty much a cake walk." He paused as he recalled all the trouble he went through. "And I got to pummel TWO annoyances in the process. Win-win, I say!"

The otter smiled brightly again, not even feeling bothered enough to question the pummeling comment. She hugged her man tightly again.

"Oh, just thank you! You have no idea how much this means to me! Thank you thank you thank-" Marlene paused, as she threw herself back and covered her nose again. "But seriously, though, you REALLY do reek. Appreciative, here, but it's kiiiinda hard to show just how much when you smell like something just died. Sorry, hun."

Skipper laughed, not offended in the least. He was used to getting dirty- not everyone else was.

"No problema, mi encantadora, comes with the job. Just happy to serve." The penguin let go of his woman, as he prepared himself to turn and leave. "Guess I'll be heading back to HQ for operation: Get Rid of the Funk. So if you'll excuse me…"

The flightless bird was stopped in his track by a hand on his shoulder. He looked at it, before looking at the woman the said hand was attached to.

"Yes, Marlene?"

"Oh, well, come on- nobody said you had to GO. How about you let me return the favor, and draw you up a bath? Huh? Help you out, and...and stuff? I mean, least I can do!"

Skipper was about to say how ridiculous that plan was, considering he was a full grown bird and could take care of himself. But as he looked into the eyes of his secret lover, seeing the alluring mix of shyness and flirtation...He felt himself smirk as all arguments seemed lost for the moment.

"You know...I kinda like the sound of that." He put a flipper on top of the otter's hand. "Yeah...I really do."

* * *

Watching Lunacorns was the perfect way to distract from being alone in the HQ. At night. After bearing witness to Rico's horrible monster movies earlier. The colorful ponies talked about friendship and sunshine and hugs and other such things that drove the scary things away.

Sure, Kowalski was technically home, but he was still holed up in his lab, and his rotten mood he'd been in lately wasn't something Private wanted to deal with.

Kowalski could be just as scary as movie monsters when he was angry.

Despite the comforting ponies, the young penguin screamed and whipped around when he heard something behind him. "AH! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME oh, hello Rico."

Although Private had been mildly upset with the guy for leaving for so long without telling anyone where he was going, he was still glad that Rico was smiling, and seemed to be in good spirits tonight.

"Yo!" replied Rico, with a wave and a smile. It seemed he was headed right for the lab.

"Well, you seem awfully chipper tonight! What have you got there? A necklace of... some sort?"

Rico paused and held up a side of the belt around his neck. "K'walski nee' it."

Private raised a brow in confusion. "You got a necklace for Kowalski... huh. Well, it's um... it's, quite nice, it's... pretty?" The young bird offered a smile he hoped was convincing, but his dishonesty showed in his eyes. The storage unit just gave him a look.

"Nah neh'lace."

Rico ignored the awkward staredown he was getting from the private, as he stood at the lab door, and raised a flipper... and paused.

Uhg, flippers were useless for knocking. Luckily, he didn't have to, as the door opened right then, anyway, and Rico suddenly found himself standing awkwardly close to the team scientist. The hefty bird stumbled back just as awkwardly. "Heh heh... 'ey."

"Er..Hello?" Kowalski felt himself clenching his body tightly, suddenly fearing something awful was going to happen. He cleared his throat, as he tried to calm down his nerves. "May I help you?"

Before the weapons expert could reply, Rico noticed how the analyst's eyes suddenly widened as his gaze locked onto the hefty's penguin neck. It took Rico a moment to realize it was because something was, indeed, around it. He smiled, as he began to remove it and hand it over.

"Is that a…" Kowalski stopped his inquiries, as he used his one good flipper to hold onto the gift that was being given to him. The scientist squealed in joy. "YES! It IS! Rico, where did you even FIND this? How- OH! I'm not even going to QUESTION the hows! Or even the whys, for that matter! This...did you get this for me?"

"Yup!"

"Okay, I retract my previous statement- how did you even KNOW I was in dire need of this missing part?"

Rico's smile grew wider as he expelled Kowalski's notebook from his gut, before holding it over his head proudly.

"Ta-daah!"

"Ah...That does explain THAT mystery. I was wondering where that went off to…" The scientist's frown was quick to return to a bright smile as he draped the fanbelt over his injured arm, letting it rest there, as he began to fidget slightly. "But, um, no matter! Thank you, Rico. You haven't the foggiest idea just how important this component is to me! You see, my newest project requires me to make an engine from scratch. My drill regiment underground sub-ewer- or D.R.U.S.E, as I affectionately prefer to call it- is...well, pretty much what the name says. An underground sub-like vessel that drills through the earth. And I figured...OH! No matter! That isn't so important now! Again, thank you so much Rico! I full-heartedly appreciate the gesture...especially after what I, um, ya know...said earlier."

Though still a bit nervous to admit his shortcomings and to bring up a situation that showed himself in a negative light, Kowalski was far too thankful and in his happiness found himself resting his good flipper on Rico's shoulder.

"I take back what I said. You're not a hindrance in the slightest and I truly do enjoy your company. I am very honored to have such a considering, if also slightly crazed, friend looking out for my wants and needs."

There were more than moths in Rico's stomach now. The sincere words spoken in his favor, the genuinely happy expression Kowalski wore, the gentle flipper on his shoulder, it all added up to an almost electric giddiness in his chest he'd only ever felt once before, back in Guatemala, all those years ago... so it really was love, after all.

When in Rome, do what the moths in your stomach were screaming at you to do. Rico was pretty sure that was how the saying went.

Private, having no one there to do it for him, shielded his own eyes, as Rico stretched up, and pressed his beak to Kowalski's.

No, definitely not friendship.


	10. The Point of No Return

Kowalski found himself startled by the sudden contact, as Rico's grip around his neck made him meet the other penguin half-way. His eyes widened as he tried to compute what was going on, or what event led up to this occurrence. The analyst felt his brain going into hysterics as he just knew one thing: Awkward. This was awkward. Rico was KISSING him. Rico, the psycho demolition crazed weapon of mass mania, was...he was…

Kowalski found his good flipper flailing as he tried to get out of the beak lock, as he tried muffling out the other's name to break the hefty penguin from his actions. Finally, after what felt like eons to the scientist, Kowalski could finally breath as Rico let go of him. The taller penguin found himself stumbling back, as he tried to collect himself.

"SWEET PLUTONIUM'S ELECTRONS!" Kowalski found his voice squeaking even as he tried to correct it. "What in the name of Edwin McMillan was THAT about?! Rico, that….That WASN'T funny!"

That magical feeling instantly turned to poison in Rico's gut. Funny? Well no, he wasn't trying to... did he think he was just... ohhh.

It was Private who answered, all but forgotten by the other two. "Oh, um... Kowalski. Rico wasn't trying to be funny. This time, actually. You see, he's been trying really hard to get your attention recently, and I've been helping him... but I think maybe we were going about it the wrong way. I kind of... thought it was friendship he wanted, so... well, it's obvious now it isn't friendship at all, is it? It's love!"

Private's sunny disposition on the subject did nothing to soften the blow of the "L" word on the poor scientist. Kowalski turned back to Rico, who wasn't returning his gaze. His head was hung, and he shyly poked the tips of his flippers together.

"Love?" Kowalski repeated out loud, with a wrinkle of his beak. "That's just preposterous! So these past few weeks of utter torment were all part of some kind of... twisted courtship ritual?!"

The mad genius couldn't stand when the numbers didn't add up, and boy was this one doozy of an equation. It made no sense, no matter how he looked at it, and nothing frustrated the guy more than being genuinely stumped.

Rico hadn't replied at all, and he still refused to look up at Kowalski.

"I- but you- OH forget it! I can't... I can't deal with this right now!"

The lab door slammed shut again, and Rico's face crumpled. The electricity he'd felt inside had turned into something thick and suffocating. Rico suddenly felt as if he couldn't breathe.

Oxygen slowly made its way into the explosive expert's lungs in short, shallow gulps, but he found it hurt more when he did. He grabbed Mrs. Perky... who had sadly witnessed the whole thing... and climbed up into his bunk, where he began to hum to her softly. He hugged her to his chest and whispered apologies into her ear.

Why had he done that? Why did he have to go and ruin two of the best things he had going at the same time? He very well may have just lost his best friend... and broken his woman's heart.

Mrs. Perky didn't deserve that. She'd always loved him, and it never mattered to her that he was a crazed psychopath. She'd always smiled at him... and sure, she smiled at everyone, but she'd always smiled the brightest for him.

Private waddled slowly over towards the bunks where his teammate was curled and facing towards the wall. He stopped himself from reaching out, sensing that touch might not have been the proper way to go about this.

"Rico? ...Um, I'm sure it's not nearly as bad as it seems. Kowalski is just shocked, is all. I'm sure he'll come around eventually." The youth paused as there was still no sign of movement or indication that the other penguin even heard him. Private tried getting his attention again. "...Rico?"

Rico wasn't there, however, as he clutched Mrs. Perky tighter to his chest and as he felt himself slip farther and farther away in his mind. Private was soon to realize that this was another one of the weapons expert's anxiety episodes, where sometimes the stress became too much and he slipped away for a while. There really wasn't much he COULD do for his friend, while he was in this state. All he could really do was wait.

Private never felt more useless in his life.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of the lab door, Kowalski wasn't handling the situation any better. His eyes darted left and right, as his back was pressed up against the door. He felt trapped. Trapped in a situation he never really took into account of being a possibility. Really, now, who factors that into their lives? One day, after all being some sort of semblance of normal, you find yourself beak-to-beak with the frenzied fowl of fury of a teammate- and he has some sort of crazed notions of having romantic inclinations towards you! SERIOUSLY, who could expect Kowalski to see THAT one coming?!

The scientist found himself breathing heavily, as he tried to calm himself down. Come on, man, BREATHE! Freaking out won't get you nowhere. Freaking out will get you to the OPPOSITE of nowhere! ...Which equally made no sense because the opposite of going nowhere would be going SOMEwhere- and he REALLY didn't feel like his state of panic was getting him somewhere at ALL. In fact, Kowalski felt like the nerve-tingling hysteria was just making him go around and around in some sort of tormented loop of agony! And…

And he was starting to make himself get all worked up again.

Kowalski looked down at the fanbelt that was still draped over his injured arm; somehow it hadn't been lost in the confusion. The brainiac penguin found himself beginning to calm down, as he recalled that despite whatever crazed scheme Rico had went through to get his attention...He certainly got it. And even as every fiber of his being was telling him to drop the piece, and find a way to escape from the laboratory windows… Another part of him couldn't help but be touched all the same. It was a nice gesture, after all.

"Oh! I don't have TIME for this! I'm...I'm going to do what most sane people would do if they found themselves in this predicament." Kowalski paused. "I'm going to ignore the situation completely and hope by Madame Curie's hooped skirt that this was all just a horrible dream and/or never actually happened."

The analyst found himself turning around and locking the door- not wanting to take any chances that he would be disturbed and reminded of the situation- as he walked towards the side of the room that stored his parts. Putting the fanbelt on his workbench, Kowalski managed to put on his welding mask with minimal struggle as he began carefully picking up pieces of metal. He sighed, as he knew this was going to be difficult when he only had access to his left flipper. But as intelligent as Kowalski was, he was equally as stubborn and determined to have something distract him from his plight. The inventor picked up his welding tool and began to work.

Science never failed to distract him.

* * *

What a night THAT had been! A certain commando penguin was all smiles as he silently slipped from the otter habitat with the rising morning sun. Two stealthy hops and a belly slide later, he arrived at HQ, slipping through the hatch without a sound. He landed down below gracefully, and prepared to sneak into bed, exactly two-point-three minutes before the alarm went off.

What he wasn't prepared for, however, was his men already being awake.

Private clutched his pony doll as he sat at the table, looking exhausted and weary. Rico sat in front of the television, staring vacantly at the blank screen; it wasn't even turned on. Kowalski was on the far other end of the room, sipping coffee and looking miserable.

"Oh! You're... already awake, good, I like that! But I see no bright eyes, and those tails could definitely be bushier! Come on men, what's the deal here; you guys can't even sleep with me gone for one night?"

No, none of them had gotten much sleep, if any at all. Kowalski hadn't come out of his lab at all until a few minutes prior, Rico had been in a trance that closer resembled a traumatized stupor than sleep, and Private found himself feeling too guilty to sleep. He didn't even know why he felt guilty.

"Sorry, Skipper," the youngest penguin finally spoke up, as he pet his doll's mane to comfort himself. "We're just in a little spot of bother, is all. Sort of hard to get any sleep after Rico-"

Suddenly choking could be heard on the other side of the room, as Kowalski coughed out the hot coffee that had infiltrated his lungs. This received a concerned looked from everyone but the weapons expert, as he was still lost in his own world. Skipper raised a brow before questioning his second in command.

"Kowalski...you alright, soldier?"

"Hahaha-YES! NEVER BETTER! Well, except for my arm- BUT NOTHING ELSE IS WRONG WHATSOEVER!"

"Good to hear then! ...I guess." The avian commander turned back to his youngest officer as he began to inquire once more. "So what were you saying, Private?"

"Oh! Um, right! I was just saying none of us could really sleep because-"

"BECAUSE WE WERE JUST SO EXCITED BECAUSE TODAY IS ARMED FORCES DAY! Haha-YES! One of Benin's most celebrated holidays! Oooh boy, were we just so excited to be celebrating! So much...armed forces needing to be...honored and what not." Kowalski, during his wild rant, had made his way closer towards the table where the Lunacorn enthusiast was sitting- as he placed a flipper on the lad's shoulder. "Isn't that RIGHT, Private?"

Private was silent for a moment as it dawned on him that perhaps Kowalski didn't wish for this personal information to be shared. And while he didn't feel comfortable lying, in any situation, the smallest penguin tried to give his most innocent "I am not a liar, no siree" face that he could muster.

"Uh, yes? That's...that's right? Yay for Armed Forces Day! Woo...hoo?"

Skipper only smiled at this, seemingly not noticing both of their bold-faced lies. He rubbed his chin nostalgically.

"Ah, Benin. An African country. Can't really say I've ever been there, myself. And if I COULD, it would most likely be classified anyhow. Well, good to see you guys being excited for SOMEthing! But next time, how about waiting until it's one of our OWN holidays to be all inspired and patriotic about."

The captain of the squad ceased his smiling as he became serious.

"That said, you know the drill. We still got to do SOME training, no matter how tired you might be. Though, I'll go easy on ya some TODAY. You happen to find me in a pleasant mood. So just twenty laps around the pool. Kowalski, you're still down for the count. So how about you try catching up on some snoozing? That's an order."

Private and Kowalski both saluted and cried out "yes sir", as the youth of the team started following Skipper to the hatch. Private was already up and out, and Skipper was about to start climbing, when he noted that he was one man down. He looked over his shoulder to still see Rico sitting in front on the television in a daze.

"Rico! Front and center, PRONTO!"

Nothing.

Skipper made his way towards his weapons expert as he slapped him across his head. Whatever fog Rico was in was instantly snapped out of, as the lights came back on upstairs. He rubbed his head as he looked around trying to figure out what just hit him. He looked up to see Skipper glaring down at him.

"Oh! 'Ey 'Kipper!"

"Didn't you hear me, soldier? FRONT and CENTER! Come on, we're going to do our morning laps before the zoo opens."

Rico didn't question anything else, as he followed his leader up the ladder and out onto the concrete island. This left Kowalski alone down in the base. He sighed, finally glad to be alone- a broken flipper finally coming into use after all. The scientist sat down at the table, his coffee on the other side of the room momentarily forgotten, as he used his good flipper to rest his head on. Lack of sleep and stress was starting to take its toll on him, as his head throbbed in pain. Kowalski looked over to his side, gaze landing on where Rico had just been sitting, as a foreign ache suddenly washed over him. All those hours of science and distraction had been for naught, as he was left alone to deal with his thoughts. And this time he was far too weary to actually make himself forget.

Something told him this was only the beginning of a bigger mess to come.

* * *

Weeks went by, the October chill moving swiftly into November's deep freeze, and things were only getting worse around the penguin HQ.

Kowalski had somehow convinced Skipper he no longer needed Rico's assistance sleeping; there was no way either of them would survive the awkwardness of resting next to each other after what had happened. As a result, both penguins had found it next to impossible to find slumber, and it was becoming harder and harder to hide their sleep deprivation from their leader.

The fact the two were blatantly avoiding each other whenever possible was noticed by Skipper, however. It was hard to miss, and compromising them on the front line. More than once, when a maneuver had called for Rico and Kowalski to make physical contact, both had shied away from the task, or at the very least, treated one another as if they were riddled with some sort of horrible, contagious disease.

When confronted with this issue, they both merely apologized, and swore it wouldn't happen again. But it did happen again; and again, and again. Skipper wasn't stupid; he knew something had happened between those two, it was the only thing that explained their refusal to even look at each other. Yet, no matter what he tried; bribery, threats, guilt... nothing could get them to talk about it, or even admit there was a problem at all.

Even their eating habits had changed. While Rico had always been known to eat more than his share, and had the belly to prove it, now his binging was starting to spiral out of control. It was not uncommon to find he'd broken into food storage, and eaten two weeks worth of fish in one sitting, often times eating until he barfed, only to continue eating.

Kowalski sat on the other end of the scale, distracting himself with his inventions and experiments to the point of forgetting to do anything else, including eating. This problem wasn't even noticed, until the scientist just collapsed from exhaustion and lack of sustenance during training one morning.

Skipper's team was falling apart at the seams, and he intended to find out why, even if it killed somebody.

It was a week before Thanksgiving, when Skipper finally had enough. Though it was breaching protocol, as well as going against all military instincts in his body, the avian commander decided he needed a different outlook on the situation. Skipper knew he would be meeting his girlfriend that evening in the park, and decided she was just the mammal to rely on. Marlene was discreet, and she was one of the few citizens that he not only trusted...But he was fully aware she sometimes had insights to things even he couldn't fathom.

Who better to go to?

The zoo's last visitor had left around 4:30 P.M, the winter hours already set in place for the season. Alice, the main zookeeper, didn't stay for too much longer afterwards. It had snowed the night before, and she was aching to go back to her apartment and crank up the heat. Skipper, however, wasn't bothered by the chill- and in fact thrived in it. In all honesty, even with the stress of the team's current situation looming over his head, the penguin was looking forward to a nice stroll around the park and some hot cocoa with the lady afterwards.

Skipper was making his way towards the rendezvous spot, just reaching a little outside of the gates...when he felt something was off. The air spoke of danger. It spoke of lies and deceit…

It also smelled of freshly baked pastries.

Before the penguin could find time to react, however, he was grabbed from behind and dragged through the nearest bushes. Skipper found himself thrashing wildly, trying to escape whomever had a hold on him. A wing was placed over his beak, making his cries muffled, as he felt his back up against some feathery adversary.

It was only once he felt a hot breath against his earhole did he stop his squirming and his eyes widened in surprise.

"Why, hullo Skippah, long time no seeing." A sickly sweet, yet thick accent greeted the penguin. A chuckle followed as the arms around the captured bird slipped slightly as the foreign foe nuzzled Skipper's neck. "It's been far too long, frenemy-mine."

Skipper's eyes narrowed and an old spark of hate sprung up in his gut.

"Hans!"

The penguin's flippers reached back and grabbed the vile bird, before flipping him up over his head and chucking him into the nearby tree. The puffin flipped before hitting the tree, springing off of the trunk, and ricocheted back towards Skipper, foot outstretched prepared to make contact with his foe's face.

He merely landed behind the penguin, as he figured he probably would, as Skipper dodged. Hans knew Skipper better than the penguin would ever truly realize.

"I'm back! Didn't you miss your little palsy-wa-"

"Where is she?!" Skipper interrupted. Hans' cocky smirk vanished.

"Wait, what? Where is who?"

The genuinely confused look the puffin wore was contagious.

"...Wasn't this a stakeout? An ambush? Pure, pre-calculated evil?"

Now the puffin just looked annoyed, and his wings went to his hips. "Well it was GOING to be! But you had to go and ruin it with your little walk in the park before I could even get to the zoo! So I thought, eh, why not just do it here, in the open."

Just like in Denmark, was the unspoken line between them.

"Oh, right, of course. Uh... in that case," The commando penguin struck a combat stance and glared. "Let's get this over with."

Before Marlene showed up and things got ugly.

Skipper's stance faltered when the puffin merely tsk-tsked him. "Now, now, Skippah, aren't you forgetting something?"

Skipper just stared. Had be forgotten something? Had he left the stove on?... They didn't even have a stove! ... Had he forgotten to get a stove? The penguin flinched when a dead fish was held out to him. He looked between the fish and Hans for awhile before rolling his eyes.

"Really, fish? I thought we'd moved on from that, Hans!"

The puffin's face melted into an expression of mock-hurt, and he tilted his head to the side. "Aw Skippah, please? For old times sake? What do you say, hm?"

"Well, you see, I'm kinda not prepared for this development." The penguin's slightly apologetic look turned to a smug one, as he backflipped behind to the nearest tree and came back down with a long meaty staff of a stick. Skipper aimed the staff at the fish pointed at him."Guess we'll have to improvise."

"Ugh, always with the trying to one-upmanship. Ya know, somebody is going to be thinking you are compensating, yes?" Hans smirked, as he raised his fish to attack. "But I'll take what I can get."

And so a battle commenced. Skipper was the first to make a move, as he swept his stick across the ground, try to knock the puffin off his webbed feet. But Hans was quick on his toes, as he merely jumped into the air and was prepared to slash his mackerel down onto the avian commander's head. Skipper easily blocked it, as he shifted his weight and brought his stick down upon the fish. He quickly used their positions to aim a kick towards Han's head; however, he too was blocked as the foul fowl wrapped a wing around Skipper's leg and tossed him behind him. Luckily the penguin kept his hold on the staff, as he thrust it into the ground. Skipper used the momentum to spin around and fly a kick at Han's face once more- this time landing successfully. The taller bird was slightly dazed, as he was surprised to find himself on the ground.

He was even more surprised when he suddenly felt a weight on his stomach and a pressure against his throat- Skipper using the stick and his body weight to pin the vile bird down. Hans found himself smiling genuinely as he looked up at the glaring face above him.

"Oh Skippah, " the puffin choked out, " you remembered the move I taught you back in Næstved. You DO care!"

Skipper's glower intensified, as he put more pressure on the other's neck. Hans' smile slipped as he gasped for air.

"I don't care about villainous backstabbers, HANS." The penguin spat out the name like it was venom- disgusting to his very senses as he hated it touching his tongue. The foe under him shivered, though Skipper didn't put too much thought into it before he continued. "Now if *I* was you, I'd be getting my sorry excuse of a bird self OUTTA here before I REALLY wipe the floor with you!"

"And leave you so soon? But best chum, I just GOT here!"

Skipper cried out in alarm as Hans flung snow into his eyes. This distraction was enough for the penguin to let go of his staff, as he tried to wipe it away. The puffin used this to his advantage as he thrust the other off of him. Skipper landed on his feet, in a fighting stance and prepared to dance once more.

However, he wasn't prepared for the sudden sting to his head as something stabbed him. Adrenaline still going strong, he went on instinct as he instantly grabbed whatever was lodged into his forehead and remove it. Skipper open his flipper and was confused to see a dart.

"What in the name of the Dalai Lama's morning star?!" Skipper already felt himself growing groggy, as he fought to remain standing. "Hans...what...what did you-"

"'What did I use?' Oh, don't be so naive, Skippah." Hans walked closer as the avian commander stumbled. His feathery adversary was there to catch him just in time, as he held up a small pipe. " Blowgun- but don't be worrying your pretty little head, frenemy-mine; it is not poison running through you. Where would the fun in THAT be? I mean, I SO didn't come all the way from Hoboken to get rid of you THAT quickly. Subway tokens aren't coming any cheaper these days, ya know!"

Hans stopped his mini rant on the evils of inflation, as he smiled once more as he saw that his old foe was almost completely out of it.

"No, Skippah, you'll merely be taking a little nappy-poo. We'll be going on a little trip and we can't be having you escaping, can we?"

"So much...for you fighting fair…"

The puffin chuckled, as he began to slip from Skipper's sight. The world grew black around him, as the sounds of city life began to fade away as the last thing he heard was Hans whispering in his ear, before he lost consciousness.

"All's fair in love and revenge, Skippah...All is fair."

* * *

It was quiet around the penguin HQ, much like it had been for the past month or so, the only sound being the television, which had been turned down low, anyway.

Not that anyone was watching it. It was merely on to fend off the heavy silence that had befallen the team as of late, laying over them like a soggy, suffocating blanket.

Private sat brushing the mane of his Lunacorn doll, taking care to brush every strand separately.

Kowalski sat at the table across from him, scribbling down notes and possible problems that may arise with the D.R.U.S.E. He would have been in his lab, if Skipper hadn't banned him from it. Again.

Rico was reclined in his bunk, flipping through the pages of a fishing magazine. Every once in a while, a particular page would look good, so he'd tear it out, crumple it up, and stuff it in his mouth. Sure, paper flavored fish wasn't his favorite, but fish was fish, and his newly found insatiable hunger didn't discriminate.

It had been hours since their leader had left for places unknown, and not two words had been spoken between the three remaining commando birds since.

Clanging and muffled shouting from up top brought Private and Kowalski out of their silent worlds.

"That sounds like Marlene!" whispered Private.

"Indeed, it DOES sound like Marlene." Kowalski murmured back, as he began to grow suspicious. "And she sounds as if she's agitated by something. Wonder what she's doing here."

"Shouldn't we...see what's the matter, Kowalski?"

"Depends...did any of us do anything that could have possibly set her off?"

The youth shook his head.

"Not that I know of, anyhow." Private shyly looked over his shoulder at the hefty penguin in his bunk, who just finished stuffing yet another piece of paper into his mouth. "Um...Rico? You haven't done anything particularly naughty towards Marlene, have you?"

"Nuh-uh," the weapons expert said with a full mouth, before swallowing the fake fish down. " Nada!"

"In that case," Kowalski began, " I assume we have nothing to worry about. Fire away."

Private took this opportunity to scurry towards the hatch, before unlocking it. He cried out as the bowl was instantly removed and the otter jumped through. Both of them crashed to the grown, though none appeared hurt as Marlene quickly jumped to her feet. Her eyes were wide with worry, as she looked around the room.

"Guys! Oh, sorry, but have you seen Skipper? As in, did he by any chance just leave?"

This got all of their attention, though it was Private- who was still trying to get back onto his webbed feet- that answered first.

"Sorry, Marlene, but Skipper has been gone for a couple hours now. He said something about having another solo mission, and told us he'd be back before bedtime."

"Oh, oh no. No no, that's not good!" The mammal grabbed onto the young penguin's face, as she began shaking him some from unknown misery. "Guys, I think something bad must have happened!"

Kowalski got up from his seat, his notes momentarily forgotten, as the scientist made his way towards the otter. Even Rico put down his magazine as he jumped out of bed, landing next to her. The lieutenant raised a brow at the commotion.

"Nonsense! It's nowhere NEAR lights out time. Besides, this isn't Skipper's first mini-solo mission. He's had quite a few lately, and he has returned just fine and dandy. No reason to worry."

"No," Marlene cried again, this time holding herself from her worry as she looked away. "You don't understand, I WAS Skipper's 'solo mission'! He was meeting up with ME!"

This got a gasp from all of them, even the weapons expert's jaw dropped from the news. Private was very confused, as he spoke up before the others could.

"Wait, he was meeting up with you?"

"Yes," Kowalski interrupted, throwing his arms in there air. "It makes sense. it ALL makes sense now! How close you two have gotten- your unexpected strength, charm, intelligence and good looks! You're…"

The analyst pointed a flipper accusingly at the otter.

"YOU'RE A SECRET AGENT!"

This got another gasp from the room, as Marlene looked at the brainy bird in disbelief.

"Wait, WHAT?! NO! I'm not a secret agent! Skipper was meeting up with me because we're DATING. DATING!"

The room gasped one more time, as this seemed the biggest shock of them all. Though, as they let it sink in some...it DID make the most amount of sense. Kowalski cleared his throat, before responding.

"Er, right...that was TOTALLY my next guess."

Well, that had gone over better than Skipper had her believing it would, anyway. "Yeah so, what's the protocol here, huh? A search and rescue mission? It's a search and rescue mission, right?"

Private stood on his toes, was still too short to reach Kowalski's ear hole, but whispered anyway, "That was a pretty good guess."

Kowalski bent down slightly, eyes never leaving Marlene, and whispered from the side of his beak. "Secret aaagent."

Marlene glared. "I can HEAR you. I'm standing right in FRONT of you!"

"Oh wow, sharp hearing, too." whispered Private.

"We'll have to be careful. Don't so much as murmur anything around Marlene that may be considered classified information." replied Kowalski.

"GUYS! Seriously! Skipper, in danger. Needs our help. Do you understand?!" Marlene spoke slowly, in hopes of getting her point across, but she couldn't keep the panic out of her voice.

The team scientist circled around the otter, studying her closely. "Fascinating! Stress and anxiety seem to have adverse effects on Marlene's brain, resulting in regressional speech patterns..."

"I AM NOT- Guys look, I'm begging you, if you don't do something, I'm going to!"

"Nooo need for that, Marlene." Kowalski reassured her, making his way over to the corner, and digging through a pile of miscellaneous junk. "I know I left it over here somewhere... ah!"

The three watched as the scientist pulled out his commando hat in triumph, and placed it upon his head, his expression instantly turning serious and deadpan... more than usual, anyway. His flippers went behind his back and he stood in front of the two penguins and the otter, tall and at attention.

"With Skipper gone, that leaves me in charge."

Marlene raised a brow. "Whoa, what's up with his voice?"

Private beamed at her. "That's his leader voice, Marlene!"

"Uh-huh, riiiiight."

No one noticed the smile creep across Rico's beak; the first one in a month. Seeing Kowalski take command in that hat, the deep growl his voice took on, it made the moths in the weapons expert's stomach go crazy. The smile vanished quickly, as memories of what he'd done flashed through his mind, crushing the moths under an iron boot, and he hung his head in shame.

"Marlene, lead us to the rendezvous place, if you would."

The otter sighed in relief. "Finally! Okay, come on, it's this way!" and up the ladder she went, followed closely by Private.

Rico paused at the bottom of the stairs, and looked back at Kowalski... who, despite the power and confidence this role filled him with, found it difficult to not look away. "Um... sorry, K'walski." he mumbled, before ascending the stairs after the others.

* * *

It didn't take long for Marlene to lead them to where the otter was supposed to meet up with her boyfriend. It was a quiet bench a few yards from the entrance, as she explained that they had plans to go for a stroll. It was something that Skipper believed wouldn't be inherently suspicious, as the avian commander had been seen walking around the zoo with Marlene even before they became a couple. However, since kicking her feral behavior- from how she used to react every time she used to leave the zoo- Skipper had been trying to create more activities for the both of them beyond the walls. Let her see the world a little, he had said.

Commander Kowalski took charge as he looked around, instantly noting that while there were a few animal tracks...besides their own, there was no sign of a penguin having been there. The leader of the rescue mission turned to the others, as he looked over his sunglasses to address them.

"Alright, men," he paused his gravelly utterances as his eyes landed on Marlene, "and lady, here's the plan! We're going to split up, cover more ground, see. We'll split up and see if anyone spots anything. Private, north sector! Marlene, you take east- and keep your eyes extra peeled. And Rico…"

Kowalski's tough act faltered for a moment, before his steely determination returned- this was no time for awkwardness! Skipper could be in great danger, if what the otter was telling them was true. The commander stood up straighter, readjusting his sunglasses, before continuing.

"Soldier, I want you to take the south end. You have the best tracking experience of the group, so I want you to sniff out for Skipper's scent. Alert us if you catch anything remotely suspicious for the area- am I understood?"

Marlene and Private had already taken off after receiving their orders, and Rico, while fighting more flutters in his gut at the compliment, saluted and took off as well, as professionally as he knew how. As soon as he was a few yards away, he fell to all fours, and began to sniff along the ground like a bloodhound.

"That leaves the west to me." said Kowalski to no one in particular, as he, too, set out.

Marlene was overwhelmed with many emotions, as she searched high and low for... actually, she wasn't exactly sure. She was worried, first and foremost... but the thought of another adventure outside of the zoo had her feeling mildly excited, too.

And after being bonked on the head with a falling acorn, she added annoyed to the list of emotions. She rubbed her sore head and craned her neck up to see Fred with an armful of acorns.

"Fred, hey! It's me, Marlene!"

The squirrel looked down at her, and blinked. "Who?"

"Marlene... you know, we sorta dated for awhile..."

"Oh, yeah, were you the chipmunk?"

Marlene raised a brow. "Ah no, I am an otter, actually, yeah see-"

"Really? Huh. Then who was the chipmunk? I swear I remember a chipmunk."

"Yeah I don't- well hey, have you seen Skipper tonight, by any chance?"

"Skipper? No, I'm pretty sure he's a penguin."

Sometimes, Marlene felt as if she was surrounded by crazy people, who made it their life's mission to drive her insane, as well. She took deep breathes and shivered against the cold. "Have you seen the penguin? Tonight?"

Fred shifted, and the otter had to sidestep to avoid a few more falling acorns. They plunked down in the snow on either side of her, leaving small craters where they'd landed.

"Oh, yeah, I saw him over there, with some other guy, who was hitting him with a fish."

"F-Fish?" A chill went up Marlene's spine, as another cold wind blew past them. She wrapped her arms around herself, partly from the temperature and partly from the growing worry she felt eating at her. She tried to shake it off as she addressed the squirrel once more. "Right, um, okay. Fred, wait here! I'm going to get the others so you can show us where, exactly. Alright?"

"Uh, sure. If ya want me to."

The otter scurried away on all fours, a lot faster than she would have been on her normal two legs. Luckily it didn't take long for her to run into one of the penguins- this one being Rico. The weapons expert had been on the ground, smelling it. He had smelt some squirrels, a few different ladies with strong floral perfumes, and a hobo wearing only one boot. He kind of liked his scent; he smelled like three week old canned tuna. Marlene, however, interrupted him as she climbed to her feet right next to him.

"Rico! I think we found something- Fred says he's seen Skipper! Is there anyway we can alert the others? Ya know, gather them back up? Like, now!"

Rico thought for a moment, before his eyes lit up in excitement. Signal she wanted, huh? He knew how to get their attention! Chuckling darkly, the penguin regurgitated a stick of TNT- already lit and seconds away from explosion.

"Oh no," Marlene gasped, " you're not thinking of-"

"KABOOM!"

He was thinking of what she feared. The mammal scurried a good distance away, and only managed to duck and cover before the bomb went off. She looked behind her to see a blackened Rico, as the weapons expect held a huge happy grin on his face.

While an insane plan, it DID work; for it only took the others a matter of seconds before they penguin-slid to their location. Commander Kowalski glared as he looked at the charred officer.

"Rico! What in the name of...uh, vague silly military reference that Skipper would make! We don't have TIME for you explosions nonsense!"

The weapons expect looked away, still not getting used to the taller penguin yelling at him as he felt bad for upsetting him...again. However, Marlene came to his rescue as she finally made it back to them.

"No, Kowalski, I ASKED Rico to do it! ...Kinda." She paused as she pointed towards the direction she came from, where the squirrel was waiting for them. "But, yeah! We got some information on Skipper. Come on, Fred says he knows where he saw him and some other guy fighting last!"

The leader of the rescue mission grumbled some under his breath, breaking his tough commander act as he realized that he'd have to surround himself with more idiotic individuals. Most were fine, but talking to Fred was like talking to a block of wood. HECK, you'd probably have a more intellectual conversation with the block of wood than with THAT rodent!

It didn't take long for them to get back to the tree where Marlene was at earlier, as she noted that Fred LITERALLY had not moved a muscle. He seemed to relax, though, after they returned.

"Oh good, you're back. With the other guys! Hi other guys! Yeah, she said we were waiting. Are we waiting together? I never waited with other people before. Gotta be honest, it's a new experience for me."

Kowalski stood professionally at attention, and the guise was working, because no one could see his left eye twitching behind his dark sunglasses. No one spoke for a while, and Fred seemed content to be waiting, as he sat down on the branch, setting his acorns aside and looking around with vague indifference.

Suddenly, their team leader broke. "Yeah I can't do this. TIME OUT!" he'd lost his gravelly tone along with his composure, as he turned to take a short walk.

"He's not very good at waiting, is he?" noted Fred, as he watched the penguin pace back and forth in the snow a few yards away, muttering to himself.

"Um, Fred, we were hoping you could show us where Skipper was fighting with that other guy earlier?" said Private, with a smile.

Fred stood up. "Ohhh. Yeah, I guess I could do that. After we're done waiting, of course."

Marlene briefly considered taking a short walk of her own, but there was no time for that. "Hey, look at that, waiting time is over, come on let's go!"

"Already? Well, alright." he said with a shrug, and hopping down from his branch.

Their leader joined them once more, and it was obvious he was feeling better. "Lead the way, rodent!"

* * *

They probably didn't need Fred to show them, after all. The struggle that had taken place was pretty evident with the snow... or lack thereof, around the spot.

"Yup, it was right here. They were flipping around, until that Skipper guy got tired and fell over. So the other guy carried him off, to bed, probably. What a nice guy."

Kowalski found himself flipper smacking his face, not believing- even with all pre-existing proof- just how DUMB Fred was. He had possibly witnessed a murder- though the lack of bodily fluids argued against this- and he didn't even KNOW it! The leader was about to sigh again, when his eyes suddenly noticed something in the snow. There, lying against the whiteness of the ground, was one single black feather. He eagerly pushed Fred aside as he went and picked it up.

"Ah-HA!" He cried out, more like his analytical self than his leader persona. "And HERE we most likely have just the clue we need to break the mystery of Skipper's assailant!"

The tallest member of the group took out a magnifying glass, as he looked over the plumage.

"Obviously avian in nature, no prehistoric feathered dinosaurs here. Nooot that we would have much to worry about in that regard, I suppose." Kowalski then sniffed it, before taking his beak back in disgust. "Ugh, smog- obvious the attacker lives in a city with high amounts of pollution."

The scientist stared at it for a moment, then with a determined gaze, brought the feather to his mouth as he licked it. His eyes lit up in surprise.

"Mm! Orange-cream pastry glazing...Strange." Kowalski brought the feather away as his brain began putting the pieces together. The first piece of information wasn't much help- they knew lots of birds. Why, they themselves were birds! The second was a little more helpful, as he realized the fowl fiend couldn't be from Manhattan. But, seeing as Skipper had only been gone missing for two hours, the attacker must have a location nearby. The third, however, was the metaphorical and literally frosting on top of their situational cake. Kowalski's excitement for figuring out the mystery quickly vanished as a wave of dread washed over him.

"Oh...oh no."

The others had been watching Kowalski work all this time, as he analyzed the evidence. All were impressed by his deductive skills, even as Marlene gagged a little over the penguin actually LICKING the quill. Private was the first to react, however, as he questioned their temporary leader.

"Kowalski...what is it?"

"I've deduced who is our assailant, and it DOESN'T look pretty."

Kowalski removed his sunglasses, and the group was uncomfortable with the grim expression on his face. He looked the team dead in the eyes, trying to keep his cool even as his insides screamed in hysteria, before continuing.

"Pack your bags, it looks like we're taking a small trip...to Hoboken."


	11. Checkmate

Skipper found himself awakening in a groggy stupor. Head spinning, slowly the world was coming back to him. First was the sense of consciousness, as he became aware that something was wrong. Everything was void- there was no sight, there was no sound. He was merely floating in some sort of planes of existence, as he was aware of himself. He knew who he was, he knew WHAT he was: Skipper, penguin, soldier and commanding officer of the Central Park Zoo Unit. He could remember hatching, as the first thing he saw was his father looking proudly down at him. He remembered his training, he remembered all the wars and the countless friends he had lost. Skipper even recalled the ones he left at home- miscellaneous zoo citizens, the annoying lemurs, his boys, and Marlene.

He especially remembered Marlene.

However, what he DIDN'T recall was what happened prior to the darkness. How long had it been before he left his HQ to meet up with his lover for a stroll? What had happened from him leaving point A to get to point B? THAT was where his mind and memories went blank.

The next sense that returned to him was sound. Though, at first, it was a very muffled sense. He could hear noise, but he could not distinguish what it was. Time ticked by, and it grew louder and louder. Time seemed to be the key to this, as was Skipper's strained determination to get clues to his whereabouts, as the noise began to focus and become more than a buzzing in his skull. The penguin heard beeping. He heard whirling of machinery, as well as the howl of wind blowing over some opening.

But, mostly importantly, Skipper realized there was somebody talking.

It was talking, that he was sure of. And from the sound of it, whoever the speaker was, they had been busy going on and on. Supposedly even going on for a lot longer than the avian commander even realized. Yet, he still could not distinguish WHOM they were, or even what they were saying. It was just noise. Noise with very living inflections and personality. He even thought he heard a laugh somewhere in there. Skipper strained himself, his will a lot stronger than whatever had its hold on him.

That was when the noise became more than an audible sound. That was when they became words, as Skipper found himself picking up the end of what he assumed a long story.

"-yes, the mayonnaise! Haha! And that, dear Skippah, is why me and my mother aren't really on speaking terms right now. It is being sad, but true. Also a little funny, if we're going to be being honest persons, yes? But that is nothing! Oh, OH YES! Hahaha! I should be telling you THIS story instead! Have I ever been telling you the story about how I was thinking I was kissing your sister? I believe I mentioned it in passing, but the REAL story? OH, that is being a HOOT!"

Skipper found himself groaning, as he found his missing voice. Along with it came sight, as the penguin found whatever room they were in bright. Maybe even too bright, after being in the dark solitude of his mind for so long. The world was still blurry, however, as he tried to focus. His eyes locked onto some odd shape that stood out against the grey of the wall, as he saw the figure flinch and squawk out in alarm.

"GYAH! Skippah! You..You are being awake, now!"

Recognition began to dawn on the penguin, as he could finally see the feathery fiend in front of him. Still groggy, and also in slight pain, Skipper tried speaking- he needed answers, after all.

"H...Hans?"

Things were moving too quickly around him while he was still under the drug. The puffin was suddenly inches from his face, and his own head jerked backward in alarm, thudding against something hard, cold, and unyielding, causing the dull ache in his head to bloom into something closer resembling total agony.

"Ow, OW! Haaans, what the heck was in that dart you shot me with?"

He heard the puffin chuckle, but decided to keep his eyes closed for now. The dizziness and the nausea that gripped his stomach when he closed his eyes was still more bearable than the daggers the bright lights shot through into his aching skull.

"Sorry about that, Skipsy; I miiight have over guessed how much your weight was. Oopsies!"

Skipper dared open his eyes for a second to glare threateningly at Hans, but in his drugged state, it just looked goofy.

"Over guessed my weight? By how much?"

Hans shrugged. "Oh, fifty pounds or so. I get so confused with the ounces, and the pounds, it's all so complicated. You understand, don't you?"

"Fifty pounds?!" now Skipper was just offended. But more importantly, "You coulda' killed me!" the penguin spat.

There was a short pause.

"That wasn't very nice." Skipper added with a pout.

Okay, so maybe the drug still had a hold on him.

Hans' smile widened, and he shook his head. "Oh Shippah! When have I ever been one to be nice? Hm? I am the bad guy here, I don't play nice!" That smile changed to a more modest one as he added, "Unless you wanted to? We could try being all palsy-walsies again, like-"

"NEVER!"

The puffin merely shrugged and turned away, not phased at all by Skipper's hateful outburst. He expected nothing else, but it was true you couldn't blame a guy for trying.

The commando penguin took this opportunity for information gathering. He tried his best to push through the cottony fog that clogged his brain, and figure out what he could about his situation.

Chained to an upright table with his flippers above his head, and his stubby legs splayed apart wasn't the best situation, but it certainly wasn't the worst he'd ever found himself in, either.

"That's a shameful thing, Skippah. But it doesn't even matter! We will have lots and lots of free time to ourselves, to play nicies or badsies whenever we want. Just as soon as I get rid of all of those bothersome so-called friends that you have."

This got Skipper's attention, and his gaze shot back to the mad puffin, who didn't turn around. "What?! Hans, what are you planning?"

Hans didn't reply right away, he simply pushed a button on the remote in his wing, and a giant television screen flashed to life, with what seemed like live footage of the whole Central Park Zoo from the sky.

"Oh, frenemy-mine, you should be knowing better by now. When is Hans ever having the plans, hmm? No, Skipsy, I am not planing at all- I am DOING! And WHAT I am doing, is this." The screen switched from the zoo via another push of the button, as the penguin was now looking as live footage of one of his team's many tunnels under the zoo. Explosives were packed all throughout the entrance, from top to bottom. Hans pressed the button again and again, showing tunnel after tunnel- all with the same horrendous treatment. " Look familiar? Well, it SHOULD! It's the very tunnels you and your penguin pals are making! You penguins think you are being so smart and sneaky, but ol' Hans is knowing about them! Yes, I am! And, oh Skippah, they shall be your precious zoo's very downfall!"

The puffin chuckled, coming out more like a dark rumble as it hit Skipper's ears. Hans looked away from the screen as he took in his frenemy's glare, his smile widening more in his glee as he came closer to the bound penguin.

"So fierce you are being! Oooh, how I am LOVING it! I truly have been missing you, ya know."

"Yeah?" Skipper began, his glare intensifying as he brought his neck back as far as he could- trying to get away from the fiendish fowl that was attempting to invade his personal space. "Well NEWS FLASH: I didn't miss YOU!"

The penguin genuinely couldn't tell if the hurt look on the other bird's beak was real or not. He blamed it on the tranquillisers as Hans spoke up once more.

"Come on, Skipsy, not even a little?"

"No. Not even a little."

Whatever hurt expression he had vanished as it turned to a glare that matched intensities with his foe, before he shrugged it off with a smile.

"No matter, you will not need to be missing me anyhow. It is your PALS you shall be missing! Haha! You see, Skippah, I have timed the bombs to be exploding in ONE hour! And only I am being able to stop it. No more penguiny pals, no more otter friends with their splishing and splashing. No more chimpsies and elephants with their long noses. No more of ANY of them! Oh, but most of all...No more stupid-headed frenemy stealing LEMUR-PERSONS!"

Hans had worked himself up in his rant, as he stopped to get out a few good lungfuls of oxygen. The fire behind his eyes died down some, before the puffin continued.

"No, Skippah, we shall not be worrying about ANY of them coming between us any longer."

"Lemurs?"

That was it, wasn't it? That was the key to this insane scheme. Hans was...Hans was jealous of the LEMURS? Of all people! Oh boy. Despite how serious and dangerous the situation was, Skipper couldn't help but laugh all the same. Oh...Oh dear Arthur McCarthy, this was just TOO rich!

The puffin, however, was just plain confused.

"Ah...Skipsy? Um, Skippah...what is being so funny with the laughing here? I would have thought you cared a LITTLE more about the demise of your friends and home."

"LEMURS, Hans! Oh, you...You think I LIKE Julien? THAT'S what's your big plan's all about? You're jealous of RINGTAIL?!" The penguin kept on laugh, and it was getting to the point that his sides were hurting from his mirth. He had tears in his eyes, as he still tried to go on talking. "Hahaha! See, it's FUNNY because...Haha! LEMURS! I can't STAND the guy! If anything, you'd be doing me a FAVOR by getting rid of him!"

Hans crossed his wings over his chest, as he shifted his weight to one hip. He rolled his eyes, as his frenemy continued to laugh.

"Oh, Puh-LEASE! You think I am being some ninny-persons? I've WATCHED you! There is being WORD about you! You are being BFFsies,with your always spending time together and doing the dances, and your lies do nothing but taint our relationship! HE is what has been becoming between us!"

Skipper ceased his laughing as he glared once more.

"Right, RINGTAIL. And it has nothing to do, whatsoever, with you being a traitorous scum."

"That is being a minor setback. These things happen."

"Yeah, well," the avian commander began as he smirked once more, " as much as i would just LOVE to see you get rid of my noisy neighbor problem...I'm afraid that just ain't gonna happen."

"Yeah, and why is THAT, Skippah?"

Skipper's smile became more smug with each passing second. He looked down at the puffin mere inches from him, as he continued with full confidence.

"You forgot to factor in my boys, Hans. By now they'll know something's up, and they'll be here in NO time to stop your crooked caper! And I'LL get the pleasure of sitting back and watching them kick your sorry hide!"

Hans turned around before waving the penguin off. He walked towards the caved wall, which automatically split apart and became a door as he neared. He turned back around, smirking, as he gave one final reply.

"We shall be seeing, Skipsy…We shall be seeing."

* * *

Nearly half a mile under the Central Park Zoo, a small assemblage of animals, namely three penguins and an otter, stood in an underground briefing room. The room was mostly empty, save for a few maps on the wall, and one very large sheet-covered presumed piece of machinery on one end, which their temporary leader stood in front of.

"The time has finally come to unleash my newest creation out unto the world. Behold, the D.R.U.S.E.-" the sheet was removed, and there stood a capsule-shaped tank, its front half largely occupied by an enormous drill. Wide continuous tracks on either side seemed to be its method of propulsion, and it had no windows. A hatch in the back seemed to be the main entry and exit point.

Kowalski stood and waited while the other three ohh'd and ahhh'd at his baby; a swell of pride hidden well behind a wall of stoic indifference under the guise of assumed leader. It felt nice to be recognized as the genius he was for a change, but the situation called for a more professional approach.

"That's Drill Regiment Underground Sub-Ewer. Using sonar and this... very large drill, we can navigate safely underground with ease."

He left the three to finish up their admiration of the hulking piece of machinery, and made his way over to the neighboring wall, where he pulled down a map that somehow resembled an ant farm. He cleared his throat loudly to tear their attention away from the D.R.U.S.E.

The scientist tapped an area on the map that had three penguins and an otter drawn crudely on it, with a pointer. "We, are here." The tip of the pointer slid along a tunnel outlined in green. "This, is Underground Tunnel C-5, which we will use to get to here. From here, it's a straight dig to Hoboken Zoo, and Hans' evil lair, which we will... hopefully... resurface right inside of, and rescue Skipper. That's the plan. Any questions?"

Marlene raised her hand, but didn't wait to be addressed. "Yeah hi, um question? How do you know Hans took Skipper back to Hoboken?"

Kowalski's expression never faltered in the line of doubt, as he replied, "You don't become second in command by NOT knowing your enemies. It's basic villain protocol; they always return to the evil lair."

"He has a point, Marlene." added Private.

"Okay fine whatever, let's just get going already!" replied the otter, already making her way towards the back hatch.

Kowalski met her there.

"Couldn't have said it better myself! Team, move out."

The hatch was opened, and everyone piled inside. Kowalski took the drivers' seat, and the machine purred to life. Rico felt like purring with it; the motor in this thing sounded absolutely vicious. He was suddenly overcome with affection and laid on the floor on his belly, flippers outstretched, doing his best to hug it. He nuzzled the smooth floor with his cheek.

"'Ey babe..."

His strange behavior wasn't strange for Rico, and was ignored by the other two, and they took their seats, and the D.R.U.S.E. began to move.

They came to a halt outside the tunnel they were planning to traverse, however, as something strange showed up on radar. All four climbed out to investigate... and found it so packed full of explosives, they couldn't have even easily gotten inside by walking.

Naturally, all eyes went to Rico, who glared back, obviously offended.

"Wasn'me! Na'ven mine."

"If they aren't your's, Rico," Private began, trepidation starting to eat at him as he continued. "Then...then whose are they?"

"Um, guys, I think we have bigger problems to worry about-LOOK!"

Marlene had pointed towards the top of the tunnel, where there was a metal box attached to it. On the box, was a series of glowing red numbers. It took a bit of squinting, but they could see that it was made from an old digital clock face and was counted down from 45:59...45:58...45:57…

Kowalski's eyes widened in alarm as his arms began to flail wildly.

"Great Doctor Scott- THAT'S AN ACTIVE DETONATOR!" The temporary leader's voice went into a high screech as he gripped the side of his head with one flipper while the other pointed at the bomb that was continuing to count down. "If that thing goes off, it could cause a significant portion of the zoo to collapse! Not to MENTION severely injure all the zoo inhabitants!"

The otter grabbed onto the tallest penguin, as she began to shake him.

"Don't just STAND there! You're the leader, here, you gotta DO something!"

Kowalski, however, didn't need to do anything. At that very moment it was Rico who went into action. Strategically bouncing from one wall of the tunnel to a hanging root from the ceiling. Using it as leverage, he swung his way over to where the device was ticking away. The hefty penguin landed on top of a big crate labeled T.N.T, where it thankfully wasn't bothered by the sudden weight on top of it. Rico glared, as he looked down at the timer. Wires, so many wires. Red, blue, black, green and yellow. He gently put out a flipper as he followed them to the circuitry. Rico might not have been a genius when it came to doodads and whatchamcallems… But he DID know a thing or two about bombs. So grabbing the blue wire, the weapons expert ripped it out as he heard the others scream down below. Rico smirked with pride as he suddenly saw the timer fade out.

"Tadaaaah! All 'uhn, 'Walski!"

Marlene and Private cheered, while Kowalski lost tension and heaved a big sigh of relief. When he straightened again, he cleared his throat and nodded to Rico. "Um... nice work, soldier, very nice."

Though something else had the scientist worried. No one could have figured out this plan, when he'd just come up with it minutes before. So how had whoever had done this know to booby-trap this tunnel in particular? His guess was, they hadn't.

"Looks like we'll need to dig under this obstruction for now, clear it out later. And Rico?"

His hefty comrade hopped down from the pile and landed next to him, smiling.

"Uh-huh?"

"Can I count on you to stay behind and check the rest of the tunnels? I get the feeling this wasn't the only target."

Rico felt a sudden pang of disappointment; he wasn't going to get to ride in Kowalski's cool machine, after all. But the feeling vanished when he realized the guy was trusting him with something big, and he wasn't about to let him down. He straightened and gave a salute.

"Yeah okay sur'hing!"

And the weapons' expert took off on a belly slide, but hopped back to his feet and turned back when Kowalski spoke to him again.

"Ah, wait."

Their leader disappeared back into the machine for a second, before hopping back out, and tossed something to Rico, who caught it and looked at it, curious. It was a communication watch.

"Keep in contact at all times. Understood? Keep us updated on the situation on the homefront and, all that."

Rico was trying to keep the goofy grin off of his beak, and failing. He saluted again and nodded, and the other three climbed back into the D.R.U.S.E. Private was the last to enter, and before he did, he turned to address Rico with a smile.

"Good for you, Rico! Good luck."

The fact that he'd whispered it gave him the indication he wasn't talking about the bomb, and a sudden bout of giddy embarrassment had him chuckling nervously and scratching the back of his head. "Heh heh..."

The explosives expert didn't stay to watch them leave; he figured that, if Kowalski was right, he had a lot of work ahead of him.

* * *

Skipper found himself rolling his eyes, despite the situation he was in. Hans hadn't left the penguin alone for long, for the puffin seemed like he returned almost automatically. Though, in all honesty, the avian commander was still feeling out of sorts from the tranquilisers in his system- so his perspective of time could have been off. The only thing that really felt constant to him was the ticking timer on the other wall of the lair, a cruelty that Hans felt important to bestow upon him.

When the fiendish fowl returned, he had brought a chair with him. Placing it next to his captured foe, Hans sat down as he made himself comfortable. Crossing one leg over the other, he pulled out a chessboard as he smiled up at the penguin.

"Okay, I know you are being all tied up at the moment, but I was thinking to myself: 'Hans, he is going to be being here for some time now. Don't be being rude to poor Skipsy! He is a guest in our home, and you should be making your frenemy feeling all cozy!' But, you know, I'm not usually having the guest persons over, so I'm not really knowing how to be doing things. It's not like I haven't tried making new pals in Hoboken! I have! They just aren't the most cuddly of animal-folk. Why, that snake-guy- are you knowing a Mister Savio? WELL, Savio might be having the manners- much more than that lemur chum of his- but he is also having the very RUDEST of habits! I am not thinking he is knowing the difference between venner and DINNER!"

Hans paused, realizing he was getting off track. He had been pouting as he recalled his experiences with the other New Jersey zoo residents, but quickly waved it off with a wing before smiling once more.

"No matter, this is not being important. What I was wondering was...Would you be interested in a game of chess? Hmm? For ol' times sake, Skippah, what do you say?"

This only earned the puffin an unimpressed stare.

"...No?" Hans guessed.

"How am I supposed to play anything..." Skipper began, in a hushed tone. "WHEN I'M CHAINED TO A WALL?!"

The puffin flinched at his captive's outburst, but only slightly. He took a minute to take in the problem... oh. Right. Hans' smile returned soon enough.

"Okay yes, that is a problem, totally my fault, bad Hans! How about I do the moving of the pieces for you, that could work."

Skipper scoffed. "I wouldn't even trust you to do that, Hans."

Now the puffin was pouting, and he looked at the penguin begrudgingly. "And why not? Do you think I would be cheating at this? Really, Skippah?"

"First of all, yes. Second of all..." the last part was mumbled, and Hans tilted his head to hear better.

"What was that last part, I, I didn't get it."

Skipper mumbled again, and the puffin stood up, setting the board to the side, and stepping closer. "And again? I still didn't hear you. I'm sorry, the acoustics in here are just terrible, you don't know."

Now Hans was inches from Skipper's face, but to his surprise, the penguin didn't recoil away this time, and he wore a cocky smile that sent shivers down the sea bird's spine. Getting lost in Skipper's deep blue eyes proved to be a mistake, as the penguin's head suddenly shot forward, slamming into his own head in a skull-cracking headbutt.

Hans yelled, stumbled backward, wings on his throbbing head, as he fought not to lose consciousness. Through the pain and confusion, the puffin faintly registered that Skipper was laughing.

"HAHAHAHAhahaha!"

Hans glared daggers at the penguin." What was THAT all about?! How did that help your situation at all? You are still chained to the wall, Hans wins."

"Ha! Hahaha! It didn't! But it did make me feel better!"

An accusing wing was pointed at Skipper, and the chessboard was tucked under the other. "You know what you are, Skippah?"

"A dashing hero that kicks your behind at every turn?"

"No! ... Well yes, sort of, but you are something else, too! You are a loser that is sore from hurting!"

Skipper shook his head. "I told you, Hans, I haven't lost. Not ever before, and not now! My boys-"

"Yes, your boys! I know, you are telling Hans all about your boys, and their amazing saving the day skills. But they won't be saving you, Skippah! They won't be saving anyone, if they are too busy dealing with their own selves. They probably don't even know you have been gone."

The remote was raised and clicked again, and the image of the zoo switched to static briefly, before flashing back to their HQ, where Kowalski and Rico were standing, talking to each other. Skipper gaped at the screen; they hadn't even LEFT yet?! But the numbers in the top right corner of the screen told a different story. This had already happened.

"How the heck did you get a hold of our security footage?"

"Shush yourself, Skippah! This is the best part."

Rico had given Kowalski some kind of... was that a fanbelt? And Kowalski seemed to be thanking him. So what? Skipper was about to tell Hans he was wasting his time, when the beak-lock happened.

…

Oh.

Skipper continued to watch the screen in shock, taking witness to the analyst stumbling out of the kiss. What he saw next was Kowalski's look of anger and confusion, as Skipper took in his weapons expert deflating under it. The captured penguin's surprise intensified as he saw Private making his way out from the corner of the screen. Cute and innocent Private was all hesitant smiles, as he began talking. Though Skipper couldn't hear a single word uttered, he was good at reading the facial expressions and he could just tell the lad was trying to diffuse the situation.

Skipper didn't need to see anymore to know what was coming. It was obvious from how the two had been reacting over the past month that Kowalski did not reciprocate the other's sentiments. And as he saw the scientist storm out of the room, slamming the door behind him no doubt, all that was left was a confused Private and a heartbroken Rico.

Hans had been watching his foe's reaction the whole time, not needing to see the footage again. His beak held a smug smile, as he saw all the mixed emotions on his beloved Skipper's face. Shock, recognition, anger, and then the last one being the sweetest and the icing on the cake- despair.

"Oh, what," Hans began, as he paused the security tape," you are not knowing this? Oopsies! Hans is not meaning to be the bearer of bad news, ya know! But...This is not all the security footage I am having. No, it is not! Buuuut...Something tells me I am not needing to be showing you. Oh Skippah, I am not worried about your precious BOYS! Your team has come to shambles. They can't even LOOK at each other, let alone touch or work with one another. How are they to be rescuing their leader, when this little...how you say, 'kærlighed'? Ah, yes, LOVE! It has poisoned them all and shall be their very doom!"

The puffin made his way closer to his nemesis, as he pinched the penguin's feathery cheek in mock affection. He chuckled, even as Skipper's feature turned to one of hate.

"No, frenemy-mine, there is being no hope left...for ANY of you."

* * *

The D.R.U.S.E. trundled along underground, making short work of the dirt and gravel in its way. Inside, the communicator clicked off, after another message from Rico, letting them know of yet another successful bomb diffusion.

As soon as communication was cut for the time being, Kowalski was tapping his flippers on the control panel of his machine impatiently. "Come on, come on! I know you can go faster than this! You were BUILT for this kind of terrain, baby! We need to rescue Skipper and get back; I'm starting to think leaving Rico behind to deal with all of those explosives on his own might not have been such a bright idea."

Marlene and Private exchanged looks. They weren't sure if Kowalski had been talking to them, or the D.R.U.S.E. At least he'd given up the deep voice for now; they assumed it was because it was starting to hurt his throat.

"Is it just me, or is he getting a little distracted from the real mission here?" hissed Marlene, obviously upset.

"The real mission? Rescuing Skipper, you mean?"

"Yes! Skipper's in REAL danger, he could, he could be being tortured! Or worse!"

Private's face crumpled in worry, and he gulped. "Tortured?"

"Yeah! Or worse, like I said! And Kowalski seems more worried about Rico..."

The young penguin brightened some at that. "Isn't it wonderful?"

This earned him a nasty look from Marlene, but it vanished quickly. The otter couldn't stay angry at Private. He was just too cute, it was physically impossible. "No! That's not wonderful! He should be focused on Skipper, not Rico... Rico knows what he's doing, he'll be fine!"

"No, Marlene, you don't understand! Kowalski's been mad at Rico for a really long time! It's been absolutely terrible! But I think Kowalski's forgiving him... we can be a team again!"

The otter felt her heart crumble at Private's hopeful expression. She'd had no idea there was a problem within their team, and Skipper hadn't said a word about it, but it was obvious the toll it had taken on young Private. He seemed so excited over the thought that everything might be okay again.

Meanwhile, Kowalski was lost in his own thoughts as he piloted his contraption. The scientist was sure, if penguins had the capability, he would be sweating bullets by now. While, in all honesty, Kowalski always craved being offered the leader role from time to time...He was beginning to think he didn't quite have the makings for it. While intelligence was all fine and dandy, the analyst was having some trouble figuring out how to actually use it. Luckily they seemed to be doing fine so far, but Kowalski wouldn't even KNOW if he was making the right choices until it was all over. And even then, it could be too late! HOW did Skipper never buckle under the pressure?!

Skipper...see, that was another thing. The leader of the rescue mission felt guilt as he realized most of his worry wasn't even ON him. Skipper could be in terrible danger- there was no telling what that lunatic of a puffin was doing to him! Every second could count to saving him from some horrible death or contraption!

And yet…

His leader wasn't who Kowalski was panicking for. There was a part of him that truly did believe the avian commander was invincible. No, his thoughts were of tunnels that could go off at any time. And again, he realized his head wasn't in the right place has he wasn't fearing for the innocent civilians' safety...He was worried about Rico. Rico, while he had full faith that he knew what he was doing, was only one bird. And...how many tunnels were there? Ninety-one? There were ninety-one tunnels that went all throughout Central Park and a little beyond. And if the weapon's expert took two minutes, tops, to not only GET to each entrance, but to also diffuse the detonators…That would give him forty-five and a half minutes to accomplish it. But that was only if he didn't mess up, even once!

Rico was only one penguin!

Kowalski found himself shaking as he continued to steer his vesile. Every part of his brain screamed: "TURN AROUND! SWEET MOTHER OF SCIENCE, THREE-SIXTY THIS THING!" But, as he looked at the coordinates, he knew it would be useless. They were already a mere three minutes away from Hoboken, and turning around would just be a waste of time. Even if they did just go back, there was still the possibility they wouldn't make it in time.

Just the mere thought made Kowalski's insides twist and churn from panic, as he felt like he might get sick. No, this was not the time. This was not the time for any of this nonsense! The tall penguin began to focus on his breathing, as he tried to bring himself back into his leader role. He had a job to do.

He could only hope Rico was able to do his.


	12. Out of Time

Hans really liked to talk. Even as his captured foe had gone completely silent, not saying a single word no matter what he did to provoke the penguin, still he rambled on. The puffin knew Skipper wasn't dead or out cold again- he had checked! No, all he did was stare at that ticking clock he kept up on the monitor. It was all in good fun, at first, but now Hans was seriously contemplating turning it off.

He did NOT like being ignored.

The puffin had decided to do a game of Solitaire as he waited for Skipper to open up again. Hans was sitting on the smooth surface of the floor, thankful that his lair had proper heating, as he set up his cards. The first card was a three of clubs, the second pile an ace of clubs. The remaining piles were as following: four of hearts, nine of clubs, king of clubs, three of hearts, and a five of diamonds. Hans placed the remaining pile of cards at the top with an exaggerated flourish. As he placed the ace on top, next to the pile, the fiendish fowl began to talk once more.

"Soooo, the smarty penguin and the chubby one. Not that it is mattering too much, seeing as they are all about to be being blown into the smithereens… But what are you thinking of them, hmm? As in, what are you thinking of your weapons expert having the feelings for him?" There was a pause as he placed the three of clubs over the four of hearts. " I know, I am not usually being one for the gossip, but I think this is being deliciously juicy informations. I wasn't even KNOWING the fat one had the feelings until I was trying to find some dirt on you! Not exactly the infos I was wanting, but Hans knows how to be flexible!"

Skipper barely heard his captor ramble on. He was far too lost in his own inner struggle, as he glared intently at that countdown clock. It had been right there. It had been in front of him the entire time, and he hadn't been able to see it. He should have known something was off when Rico suddenly cared so much about friendship; he knew his men better than that. But he had turned a blind eye to it, and now, in a matter of minutes, everyone he ever dared to care about was about to die, and he was to blame.

Leaders didn't make mistakes.

But a big part of him wasn't about to give up. Yeah, this was an awkward situation for them, but he had more faith in them than that. His men always pulled through when he really needed them, and he had little reason to stop trusting them now.

The penguin came back from his thoughts with a glance over to Hans, and regretted it instantly. The puffin was... staring at him. He wasn't talking, the cards laid forgotten on the floor. Just staring.

Hans, after receiving not only no answer from Skipper, but not even any indication he'd heard him at all, decided to try something else. He'd asked an array of questions; everything from the weather, to Denmark, and even a few things that would have made the manliest sailor blush, and Skipper's expression never changed. Hans wasn't being ignored, he just wasn't in the same world as his foe at the moment.

Oh, the things the puffin would do to get inside Skipper's mind. He could spy on the penguin all he wanted, steal personal files, watch security footage until his eyeballs rotted from their sockets, learn everything that was to know about his foe... but his mind was one vault Hans would never have access to. And it left him feeling cheated somehow.

The sea bird brightened, brought out of his own thinking, when he saw he had Skipper's attention again. "Skippah... where do you go when you are not here?"

Skipper raised a brow at this, but continued with his silence. Hans was encouraged by this, knowing that the penguin was truly with him this time, as he carried on.

"I am not meaning this place. I am KNOWING what you are doing when you are not HERE. I am having the videos, yea? What I am meaning, is where do you go when you are not being in the now? When your eyes are doing the glazing and you are all being far away? Where are you going?"

'And am I there with you,' he couldn't help but wonder.

Skipper remained still as he looked the puffin over. Even in his fog, he had the feeling there was more being asked than what was on the surface. The penguin tried searching his foe's honey eyes for the hidden questions, before he just scoffed.

"Even if I knew how to answer that, do you REALLY think I would?"

Finally getting his frenemy to speak to him was enough to make his spirits soar as Hans smiled widely.

"Sure you would! It is what we are always doing! I do the banterings, then you do the banterings. Then we try to one-up each other...That is how our relationship is going, Skipsy!"

The penguin chained to the table rolled his eyes. "We already did the banter! I'm usually kicking your tail feathers by now! But you had to go and play dirty. Not that I'd expect anything else from YOU, Hans."

"Are you still hanging up on that? So I guessed wrong by a few pounds, and almost killed you, so what? You can't say you blame me; you do have quite the tum-tum going there."

"IT'S MUSCLE!" cried Skipper. Suddenly, a familiar voice caused both to freeze.

"Now, now, what's all of this yelling I hear?"

In walked a female possum, wearing an apron and oven mitts, and carrying a tray of cookies. Skipper was genuinely shocked to see...

"Ma?!"

Ma Possum looked up to see Skipper chained to the table, and gasped. "Skipper! It's been so long! What on Earth are you doing all tied up like that?" She shot Hans an accusing glance.

"Oh! Ma! Um, hah hah, we were just, playing, ja? A friendly game of ... cops and the stealing peoples, I am the cops, and Skippah is being the stealing peoples!"

Ma chuckled and smiled. "Oh, boys will be boys, I suppose. Just don't play too rough, alright? Here, I made cookies! I'm sure stealing and law enforcement is hungry work for my boys!"

Skipper couldn't believe this. He struggled a moment in his bonds, knowing it wouldn't do any good, but hoping it'd get some sort of point across. "Ma, don't tell me you believe this ma-UMPH!?"

Hans stuffed the penguin's beak with a cookie before he could finish.

"Ah-hah, yes, see how Skippah likes your cookies, Ma? Thank you, you can be going now, bye-bye!"

The possum lady pouted. "You would send your own mother away without so much as a smooch on the cheek? Hans, I raised you better than that!"

Ma Possum oofed in surprise, nearly dropping her tray, as the puffin rushed up to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She smiled warmly, before giving her son-of-sorts a smooch on the forehead.

"Alright, Hans, I'll be leaving you two alone now. Just let momma know if you need anything else, okay dearies?"

"Ha, yes! Yes we will be letting you be knowing! Yes, good-byes and smooches!"

The psychotic puffin continued to wave until the mammal had completely exited the room, the lair walls closing behind her. He was still facing the door when Skipper finally managed to swallow down the herring cookie, as he looked at the back of the crazed bird in disbelief.

"WHAT was THAT?!" The puffin turned back around as Skipper continued. " You seriously kept her around, Hans?!"

Hans glared.

"Yes, yes of course I kept her around! I am not kicking out the nice momma ladies! Especially not the ones who is being doing the yummy cooking, and the booboo kisses, and the tucking me ins at night and telling me the beddy-by stories." The Hoboken resident put his wings on his hips in sassy defiance. "What sort of persons are you making out Hans to be?!"

"VILLAINOUS!"

"I can be being the bad guy and liking the mommas!"

"No, Hans, you CAN'T!"

"Can to!"

"Can not!"

"Can to!"

"Can-"

Skipper's childish retort was cut off, as he felt some sort of vibration along the walls. Hans must have felt it too, as he also became wide-eyed as he lifted one leg and looked down at the floor. The rumbling only became worse and worse, as it soon became a loud noise that was shaking the whole lair.

"WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!"

Hans managed to look nervous as he was trying to remain standing.

"I AM NOT KNOWING, I SWEAR!"

They didn't have to wait for answers long, however, because soon a hole appeared in the floor, followed by a whirling mass. The puffin fell back in fright, as he held onto Skipper- as if HE could protect him from whatever horrors shot up from the earth. Mole men, it HAD to be mole men! Skipper always knew New Jersey harbored true evil, but never did he think he'd ever come face to face with those legended foes!

Apparently, mole men drove giant drill-tanks, because that's what lumbered up out of Hans' lair floor. It gave one last grunt as it pulled itself up on even ground, and then shut off.

"I am still not knowing what that is." said Hans.

Skipper eyed the machine warily. It was big. Full of technology, and probably had a name he couldn't pronounce. Recognition dawned on Skipper's face, and he smirked.

"That, Hans, would be my team, and your ticket to a world of hurt!"

The puffin actually looked worried. "But! But! It can't be, it-"

The back hatch shot open, and two penguins hopped out. Hans' worried expression turned to a smug grin, and Skipper frowned. "It is only two of them! The fat one isn't with them!"

So maybe he'd been wrong. Maybe he couldn't rely on his team to overcome petty personal problems long enough to save everyone they knew from a horrible, fiery death. Maybe he'd been wrong to ever put his hope on them at all.

"I can see that. But it doesn't matter; there may only be two of them, but there's only one of you!" he paused before adding, "I mean, I've been seeing two of you, but I just assumed it was the tranquilizers. There is only one of you, right?"

Private and Kowalski wasted no time in spotting the villain, and stood a yard away, stances ready to throw down. But they relaxed a moment later, and looked on, confused.

"Ah... well, this is... awkward." said Kowalski, hesitantly. It took Skipper a moment to realize what had caused that reaction. He glared down at Hans, who was still clinging to him.

"Hans, get off of me, huh?"

Hans looked up at the penguin briefly, before letting go and jumping forward to face the new threat, and pulling a large rocket-launcher-like gun from who-knows-where, and aiming it at Private and Kowalski, pulled the trigger.

The two penguins easily dodged the rocket that fired from the weapon, as it soared past them. Kowalski managed to look over his shoulder, as he sighed in relief- the explosive had just missed his baby by a few meters as it crashed into the wall. The inventor whipped his head forward, as he glared at the fiendish fowl.

"WATCH where you AIM that thing!"

"Oh, I'm sorry smarty pants penguin….Next time I will be hitting YOU!"

Hans was in the middle of reloading his weapon, when Private came in from the side and kicked it out of his wings. The puffin reciprocated by giving the penguin a sideswipe with his newly freed wing. The young soldier did a cross-block with his flippers, as Hans then fell to the ground and he kicked out his leg in a sweep. Poor Private wasn't expecting this as he fell over and rolled away with a startled cry. The puffin laughed triumphantly, as he backflipped and went to go pick up his gun. He didn't, however, anticipate a webbed foot stepping on the weapon before kicking it all the way over to the other side of the room. Growling, Hans looked up with a glower.

"I'm sorry, " Kowalski said with mock politeness, "was that YOUR Type 91 Kai MANPAD rocket launcher? Oh, TOTALLY my bad!"

Hans went in for a chop at the analyst's throat, which was instantly hindered by a swift flipper. The puffin went in for strike after strike, throwing out punches and kicks as Kowalski continued to block. The tallest penguin kept going backwards with every thwarted move, as the fiendish fowl pushed forward. Hans continued to send out blows, as he began to talk once more.

"What's the matter," Hans grunted out with a smirk, " not feeling all for the fighting without your tubby friend? HE is knowing how to be throwing the punches, more than Mister Smarty Pants penguin persons!"

The analyst had momentarily forgotten about Rico, as he had been trying to focus on the current situation. Kowalski glared, as he blocked another punch before following it up with a roundhouse kick. It made contact with Hans' face, as he fell to the ground before rolling away from another kick the penguin was about to aim at him. The psychotic puffin flipped back onto his webbed feet as he ducked under another blow aimed at his head.

Hans laughed.

"Ooo, now you are being vicious! Was I hitting a nerve with the mentionings of the fatty one, hmm? Where is being your chummy pal?"

Kowaski growled, but was thankful when Private came in from behind the villain to throw in his punches and his two cents.

"You know darn well why Rico was left behind," the youth cried as he went down to try and sweep the puffin off his feet as Kowalski aimed a swipe towards Hans' head. "He's back home trying to diffuse all those nasty bombs you left under the zoo!"

Hans went down, but tumbled away, jumping back up, and grinning wickedly.

"You left your ex-pal to defuse all of those bombs by himself? You really are the clever penguin! Getting rid of your enemies without getting your flippers dirty, it is almost admirable!"

The comment had accomplished its intended purpose, leaving Kowalski momentarily off-guard, with an expression of hurt shock, and it took Private to push him out of the way of a flying webbed foot aimed at his throat.

The puffin landed behind them, but wasn't quick enough to avoid the abacus that was swung upside his head mid-turn.

Meanwhile, Skipper watched the fight through the fog. He caught movement from the corner of his eye, and turned his gaze over to the tank, just as Marlene hopped out, glanced over to the fighting trio, then swept the room until she spotted Skipper. Her face lit up in a sort of relieved smile, and she waved briefly before scampering over to him.

"Marlene?! What are you doing here? This is no place for a lady!"

His girlfriend wasn't impressed, and she folded her arms over her chest. "Oh, really? Because I thought this place might be safer than, oh I don't know, the zoo _that's about to be blown to bits_?"

Skipper just stared at her blankly for a moment.

"Touche, Marlene, touche. In that case, welcome to the party, now get me down from here, would ya?"

Marlene couldn't help but wonder just how Hans had managed to secure these chains without fingers... or hands... as she fumbled with them herself. She had climbed up to the narrow ledge of the table above Skipper's head, and was hanging down, working with the chains around his flippers first.

Eventually her efforts paid off, as the chains let go and clanged limply away. Unfortunately, due to his feet still being secured to the table, she watched as Skipper flipped forward, smashing face-first into the bottom of the table, his back end now facing her. The otter cringed and apologized, before hopping down and getting to work on freeing the rest of him.

Skipper had time to be impressed by those tranquilizers; he hadn't felt that at all!

Moments later, Skipper was freed from the table, and thudded limply to the floor. Marlene was at his side instantly, her paws on her cheeks. "Oh my gosh! Are you okay? Can you move? What did he DO to you?"

No, Skipper couldn't move. Both of his flippers and both of his legs had fallen asleep, and he laid on the floor, unable to do much of anything. He groaned in frustrated anger.

"I don't believe this! I was up there for so long, forced to listen to Hans blabber on and on, my everything fell asleep! I can't move!"

The otter was at least relieved to discover it wasn't anything too serious. She flipped Skipper over, and hooked her arms under her boyfriend's flippers, and began pulling him along the floor towards the D.R.U.S.E. "It's okay, I gotcha!"

She stopped mid-way, and they both watched as Hans laid curled up on the floor, as he was being beaten relentlessly with an abacus. Private stood nearby, cringing every time it was brought down upon the cowering puffin.

This style of fighting seemed unlike Kowalski; but it proved effective, nevertheless. "We!" *THWACK* "Don't have!" "THWACK* "Time for this!" *THWACK*

"Kowalski, Private! Come on guys, I've got Skipper!" called Marlene.

Private gladly turned away from the gruesome scene, and dashed on over to the two. Kowalski quit his assault, and came back to himself with a shake of his head. He turned his attention back to his friends... but something else caught his eye.

There was a countdown clock on the screen behind them that was steadily counting down from 35 seconds. The team scientist let out a high-pitched cry and bolted over to Private, shoving him along towards the tank. "In the druse, in the druse, IN THE DRUSE!"

Hans watched from the floor as the team scrambled into the machine that had ruined his and Skipper's private time. The puffin already felt his eyes beginning to close shut from puffiness, as he took in the otter and his penguin foe. How close they were...How Skipper didn't seem bothered to rely on the female. That small glance they gave each other, just the tiniest flicker, that told Hans everything.

The Dane crawled back to his feet, feeling like he might stumble and fall again, as he watched the capsuled automaton speed back down the hole it came from. Hans felt the air was stolen from his very lungs, as he came crumbling down to the earth once more.

"I was..." Hans coughed, as talking caused an ache in his stomach. "I was being jealous of the wrong one."

The puffin found himself curling into a ball, wrapping his wings around his knees, as his body shuttered. His eyes burned, as tears threatened to escape him. The floor...the pain was too much for him to bear getting up again.

Hans just wished it was only his body that was hurting.

* * *

The D.R,U,S.E was making its way down the tunnel, as it was going ninety miles per hour. Without the need to break through stones and dirt, the engine could use its full power to speed along. Kowalski was, yet again, at the helm as he let his baby do its thing, as he frantically tried to get into communication with the weapons expert.

"Comeoncomeoncomeon, PICK UP!"

On the other end of communications, Rico was scrambling frantically to get his job done in time. Every tunnel he'd come to, the digital countdown glared at him red, ticking away the seconds, mocking him, daring him to just try and succeed. He hadn't been letting them know of his progress in awhile, in fact had forgotten all about the communication watch all together.

That was, until Kowalski's frantic voice crackled through it, causing the penguin to squawk and jump in surprise, nearly dropping the detonator he held. He quickly defused the thing and tossed it aside, before pressing the communications button on his watch, and yelling into it angrily and incoherently. He didn't wait for a reply; no time. Instead, he dropped to his belly, already sliding to the next-and last- tunnel. He was going to do this.

The reply came, anyway. "Yes, I know you're busy! But you need to hurry it up, Rico! I need a status report, WHAT IS GOING ON?!"

Rico arrived at the last tunnel, clicking the button on his communications watch one more time. "Las'un!" was his garbled reply.

The beeping sound that filled the underground tunnel at that moment made Rico's blood run cold. He gulped, trying and failing to swallow the lump in his throat, as he looked up to see those mocking red lights flashing 00:00...

Back in the D.R.U.S.E., the communication screen flared red, the sound of a deafening explosion blaring through for a split second, before fading to static.

The whole cabin gasped, before going silent. Both Private and Marlene were drawn towards Skipper for comfort, as they watched the team's analyst from behind. Kowalski wasn't saying anything. He wasn't even moving. Everything had just stopped, as if the penguin was frozen in time.

Time, however, wasn't one for remaining still. Private was the first to find his voice, as he tried easing the tension with his youthful optimism.

"I'm...I'm sure it's not as bad as it looks. Rico is probably as fine and dandy as ever!"

This seemed to break whatever spell was on Kowalski as he whipped around and glared.

"'Fine'? You think this is FINE? WHAT ABOUT THIS IS FINE?!" Anger dissolved into despair as he turned back around and slumped himself back onto his controls. "Oh Rico…"

It was all his fault. He told Rico to stay behind. He demanded it, even. He gave him the impossible mission, and like a fool, Kowalski told himself not to believe the figures. The math told him there was a slim chance of Rico diffusing all the bombs in time, and yet he told Rico to stay. He had the chance to turn around, and yet he trudged on. If Rico didn't take the full hit of the blast, there was still no way he'd survive thousands of pounds of rock and soil crashing upon his body!

Hans was right...Kowalski had murdered the closest thing he had to a best friend.

The D.R.U.S.E. skidded to a stop just outside the collapsed tunnel six minutes later. Kowalski shot out and stood at the scene of the explosion... dirt, rock, and other various debris stood in a heaping mound where the tunnel used to be. It looked like a towering, shapeless blob of a monster in the gloom; the explosion had taken out the lights, as well. Kowalski swept the beam of a small penlight he carried over the devastation... and whatever hope he'd had left turned to stone and joined his heart in the pit of his stomach. There was no way he'd survived that.

Marlene and Skipper exited the machine and squinted in the darkness. Private was still in the tank, because as far as Skipper was concerned, he was just a boy and didn't need to see whatever might have been left of Rico.

Tears began sliding down Marlene's cheeks. "Oh, no, Rico..." she buried her face into Skipper's chest, and he petted her head with a flipper.

"He was a good soldier, Marlene. And we're all going to miss him. But Rico would have wanted it this way. To go out with an earth-shattering explosion!"

Tears stood in Skipper's eyes, too... but he didn't allow them to fall. His team needed him to be strong for now. The two lovers stood there, Skipper watched as Kowalski fell to his knees at the foot of the wreckage, picking up a rock shard and inspecting it.

"Rico, I... I was such a JERK to you, when all you ever did was dared to luuuh-" Kowalski found that the dreaded "L" word was still uncomfortable to say, and under these particular circumstances, ended up being the crack that broke the dam. The scientist broke down sobbing.

He sniffed loudly and wiped the tears from his eyes, as he took a deep breath and calmed himself enough to where he could speak again. "Even though it's... highly illogical, and completely pointless, to talk to a corpse... I'm going to do it anyway. Rico, I just wanted you to know, that-"

There was a low rumble, as dirt and rocks began to shift and tumble, and Kowalski jumped to his feet and leaped back to avoid being buried alive. The beam of light shot up to where the debris had fallen... and out climbed a rather battered and charred, but very much alive, weapons expert.

Rico coughed up a sooty cloud of smoke from his lungs, before shouting "WHOOO-hooo... Ka...boom." and collapsing forward, tumbling down the mound and landing at Kowalski's feet.

The scientist blinked. Then he blinked again. Kowalski's brain was trying to process what just happened, as a smile broke out on his face as he realized who was at his feet. Not even caring who was watching, the tall penguin fell to his feet as he tackled the weapons expert with a tight embrace. His voice cracked, as he felt himself crying once more- this time tears of elation.

"RICO!" He sobbed out, even as he found himself laughing. "You're...You're alright! You're alive!"

Rico opened his eyes, finding consciousness had greeted him, as he looked up to see the one he loved holding him. The moths in his belly were fluttering wildly; he felt a lightening storm go through his body as he tingled from the warmth of the other. The weapons expert found himself wrapping his flippers around Kowalski before he began to talk once more.

"Yeah, 'ee alright. Skipper alright?"

Kowalski laughed despite himself, never letting go. He found himself whispering out his reply, his voice not daring to shatter the moment.

"Yes. Skipper is safe and sound."

A pause.

"Are 'oo alright, 'Walski?"

Heart beating wildly, slight feeling of dizziness. Not to mention he probably cut his life expectancy down by half from the amount of stress the day's ordeal had brought him! Yet, Kowalski couldn't find himself focusing on it as he tightened his embrace.

"I am now."

Those words made Rico's twisted heart swell. The feelings he'd been stuffing into the recesses of his mind for the past month and a half came flooding into the open all at once, and overtook the explosives expert, filling him with electricity. He hugged his friend tighter, and nuzzled his feathery neck affectionately, and-

And how quickly the flutters turned back to heartache as he felt the analyst tense underneath his embrace. Right.

Heartbreak turned to fear and panic as Rico suddenly realized how close he was to ruining the friendship that had taken him almost dying to repair, and he let go abruptly, jumping back as if he'd been bitten. "Uh... eheheh. Aw'right! E'ryone's aw'right."

Rico waddled past Kowalski and waved to Skipper and Marlene, who met him half-way. "'Ey! A'wright!" he repeated.

As the weapons expert was reunited with the rest of the group, all were laughing and smiles as they saw that Rico was indeed alive and waddling. Little Private rushed out of the vehicle, hearing the hefty penguin's gruntal utterances, as he gave him his biggest hug. Marlene was next, as she chose a side the youth wasn't taking greedily. Even Skipper broke down his walls some as he put a tender flipper on his soldier's shoulder.

Kowalski was busy watching from the dark, as he was still on the ground where the weapons expert left him. Conflicting feelings danced around him as he gazed upon the group. He wrapped his flippers around himself, as he sighed. It was stupid, he should be happy! Rico was alive! He should be up there with his friends, greeting Rico back to them as a family! And yet…

He hadn't been ready to relinquish the embrace just yet. Kowalski couldn't help but wish Rico had stayed with him in the dark a little longer, just the two of them, before he had to give him back to the rest of the world.

A heaviness remained, even as the analyst picked himself back up and waddled his way back to the others. He cleared his throat, getting the animals' attention, before speaking.

"Yes, well, seeing as Skipper is back to us, and fully capable to have command restored to him, I can't tell anyone what we should be doing now. However, " he smiled, " permission to suggest our next course of action?"

Skipper raised a brow, curious.

"Oh? I'm all earholes, Kowalski."

"I suggest we should be going home...together."

The avian leader found himself beaming as he nodded his head in agreement.

"You heard the man, people, let's move this knitting circle back above ground. I think I've seen enough rocks and darkness to last me a while, now. Fall in and let's roll out!"


	13. The Kiss That Counted

While the penguins and Marlene were busy being ecstatic about Rico surviving the blast of Tunnel Six...there were three lemurs, however, that weren't happy at all. Tunnel Six had been the tunnel that went under their home. And, imagine their surprise, when they found their booty shaking had literally brought the house down.

"M...Maurice!" King Julien had cried out, pulling himself out of the fray as he was thankfully unhurt. "Was...Was that YOUR booty that was destroying my kingdom?!"

Maurice gaped at the ruins that used to be their habitat in disbelief. "That sure as heck wasn't me! Musta' been the Sky Spirits, or somethin'."

And that was why the lemur trio was busy dancing, to appease the vengeful Sky Spirits, when the repair crew showed up. Said crew involved nearly every resident in Central Park Zoo, who, after learning how close they'd been to being blown up, were happy to help repair the damage before the zoo opened the next day. With arms, hands, paws, trunks, flippers and wings full of building materials, the group set to work.

Skipper oversaw the project, helping where he was needed, but mostly keeping everyone in check... and from killing each other, whether on accident or not. He was pleased to see Rico and Kowalski really had overcome their awkwardness around each other.

Mostly.

The two still avoided physical touch if they could, and could only look at each other briefly, but there were smiles shared between the two in place of suspicious glares and hurt frowns, and they were able to work together again. That was good enough for Skipper... for now. Of course there would be a talk later to get the rest of their issues straightened out, and the team back on track.

However, despite that little noticeable awkwardness, everything was going on track. With the help of the larger and stronger animals, the zoo was able to not only clear the hole...but also replace all the soil so that the ground was packed and firm. Sure, the penguins lost one of their many tunnels...But nobody said they couldn't take care of THAT problem some other time! King Julien was happy to see a kingdom had returned to him...But he became absolutely ecstatic once Marlene and Maurice finished repairing the holes in the bouncy house, and the chimpanzees had rebuilt his royal throne. Sure, he was down one volcano and some grass...But hey, not every kingdom is perfect.

Once all was complete, King Julien perched himself on his royal throne, before clapping his hands to get everyone's attention.

"Alright, zoo-y people subjects! You are all doing well in de serving your king. I am now having a home, and as to be thanking you all for your hard workingness...I degree we be throwing the biggest and BESTEST party dis zoo has ever been seeing! ALL is being invited to de grooving!" He paused, before looking at Skipper with a smile. "And dis time, ESPECIALLY de silly penguins."

All the zoo animals hooted and hollered, genuinely ready for some type of party after their near death experience. Skipper, however, thought the proposal over. It had been a long day, and while he wasn't planning on his men doing anything after what had happened- they deserved a break, after all- he still didn't want to completely go lax with their routine as well. Which meant they would require a full night's sleep. Skipper threw a glance over towards Marlene, who hadn't left his side. the avian commander gave a small smile.

"Well, I suppose we can stay for a while, boys." He paused before grabbing onto Marlene, and quickly spinning her around- for once not caring WHO saw him acting all lovey dovey with his lady. "But *I* call first dibs on dancing with Marlene."

And so for one night, for the rare occasion, nobody was upset with each other. There were no fights, no bickering. Old rivalries dead for the evening as they became best friends.

The zoo was just a big happy community.

* * *

Morning dawned on a zoo full of animals that, after partying most of the night before away, were less than thrilled about entertaining the masses. Some animals didn't even bother trying; the lemurs never awoke until midday, while Bada and Bing snoozed the whole day away.

The zoo residents that had awoken to face the crowd, were moving in slow motion; Marlene even fell asleep half way down her slide, skidding to a stop at the bottom, a snoring heap.

The penguins, however, had left the party early; not that anyone had really noticed, under Skipper's orders, and had gotten a good night's sleep. Well, Skipper and Private slept well... the leading penguin wasn't blind to the fact neither Kowalski nor Rico had been sleeping well since they'd gone back to sleeping in their own bunks. But after knowing what he knew, Skipper wasn't about to suggest them sharing sleeping quarters again.

Skipper kept a close eye on the two for the rest of the day, and he still wasn't pleased with what he was seeing. During their routine smile and wave act, the two made sure and kept Private between them at all times. Later, while on a foodstuffs recovery mission, their penguin tower crumbled and collapsed when Rico couldn't stop fidgeting while Kowalski stood on his head. Later still, while taking a plate of sushi from Rico, the tips of their flippers had touched, and Kowalski flinched, sending the plate crashing to the floor. It was time Skipper put his foot down; this was just getting ridiculous. And seeing as every other method of getting them to talk had failed in the past, he'd decided to go as direct as possible this time around.

Back at HQ for the night, the team scientist made his way to the lab door- only to be halted in his goal, due to Skipper standing in front of it, giving him a look that, in all honesty, made him nervous.

"Um, excuse me Skipper, you seem to be standing in my-"

"Can it, Kowalski; we need to have a little chat."

Kowalski took a moment to think about that. "That sentence was what is called 'an oxymoron', Skipper, and I'm not sure what you expect me-"

"Oh! Resorting to name calling, really, Kowalski?"

"Ah no, an oxymoron is simply-"

"I know what's been going on between you two, Kowalski, so stop playing games!"

"OH COME ON; CAN'T I FINISH A SINGLE SENTENCE WITHOUT YOU- wait, what, you KNOW?"

"Yeah, saw it all! I get why Rico is so nervous around you after that, I mean really, talk about awkward. But what's your deal, soldier? You afraid he's going to try it again? Because if that's the only thing rusting up our well-oiled team machine, then I'll have a talk with the guy. No problem!"

Kowalski looked around the room. While, thankfully, the said individual wasn't there- Rico had yet again decided to take Mrs. Perky out for an evening drive; Private, however, was. He was sitting in front of the television, doll in his flippers, as his beloved Lunacorns show was spouting some sort of nonsense or another. The lad had looked over his shoulder as the team's leader started talking, but quickly looked away when his eyes met Kowalski's.

The analyst sighed.

"Alright, Skipper, I'll talk. However...may I please request that we continue this conversation in my lab...alone."

Skipper threw a look over at the youth, who had by then made himself appear completely absorbed by his pretty colorful ponies. He nodded his head, before stepping aside to let Kowalski get to his door.

"Permission granted."

Once the door was closed behind them, the avian commander didn't waste time.

"Alright, Kowalski, talk to me. What's really eating you?'

"I...don't quite know where to start." The scientist averted his gaze, the squatty squad captain's blue steely eyes becoming too much under Kowalski's awkwardness." I'm sure I don't need to point out the obvious fact that personal associations are a bit on the troublesome side for me. Mostly from the fact I don't know quite how to analyze or interpret other's feelings, let alone my own."

Skipper raised a brow at this.

"Never stopped you from working with people before. Especially working with Rico."

"Yeah, well, I was also never unexpectedly kissed by Rico before EITHER."

"Fair enough," the shorter penguin crossed his arms," then what IS it? It's just a little beak-locking. Like I said, I can just easily tell him to cut the nonsense, and remind him of personal space issues. And if need be, threaten him with putting him in code red. BOOM! Mission solved."

Kowalski remained silent, as he began to pace the room. Was it as simple as that? If the analyst gave the word, could his troubles with Rico truly be over? Could everything just stop and go back to the way things once were? Kowalski ceased his pacing as he stood staring off at a wall, the pool outside the underwater window catching his eye. As he watched the water swish back and forth, the water being far under the cold hard frozen surface, the scientist frowned as he realized that they could not go back to the way things were. They could not go back to when things were simpler and made more sense- when he and Rico were just friends. Skipper could command the weapons expert to stay away, to keep himself in control...But he couldn't force Rico to stop having feelings for him. And, while that certainly would make things easier if he could, Kowalski…

"I…" The analyst paused as he no doubt felt his temperature rising. "I'm not so sure I want you to do that, Skipper."

Skipper scoffed, already headed toward the lab exit. "Nonsense! Rico's a strong guy, he's taken worse than having his heart ripped out and put through a blender- unlike Manfredi, who took the turbine engine approach... eesh, not a pretty sight."

Four inches from the door, and Kowalski skidded to a stop in front of him, flippers stretched out as if asking for a hug, effectively blocking the exit. Skipper looked up at him, coolly. "There a problem, soldier?"

"Uh Skipper... please, I beg of you; don't do anything just yet! Just let me handle this... my own way."

"Your way? Let me guess, with science? Science that explodes, and/or creates a horrible abomination that threatens to devour us all?"

Kowalski glowered.

"Science is NOT merely something that explodes; science is the universe, everything that ever was and ever will be, science is my passion! I GET science, oh baby do I! But feelings..."

The scientist deflated and slouched.

"Feelings are hard, Skipper." he whined.

The commanding officer was once again reminded he'd gotten soft over the years, as his soldier's pathetic expression bore into his soul. He sighed, patting the taller penguin on the shoulder. "Alright, Kowalski. Have at it. Do it your way. You have twenty-four hours to fix this mess somehow, and if you should fail? I'll have no choice but to step in and do things my way."

The shorter penguin was out the door before the analyst had a chance to respond. Leaving Kowalski with an empty and silent lab. The silence buzzed all around him, the scientist not completely being sure if that was the whirl and hum of his miscellaneous inventions, or if it was all merely inside his own head.

Kowalski sighed as he looked around the room. Well, this was a fine metaphorical kettle of equally fictitious fish. Great, just great. He had asked for time; time to have science show him the answers to his quandary. Yet...he didn't even know where to start!

The penguin made his way towards his workbench, where he slumped on top of it in defeat.

"Come ON, Kowalski," he said to himself, as he began hitting his head on the table," you're a GENIUS, for cripes sake! You have found ways to bend the very fabric of time and space itself! You know, the impossible that NO ONE CAN DO! And yet, HERE you are, with not a single clue on how to solve your problem!"

He hit his head on the table again.

"GYAH! THINK, Kowalski, THINK!"

After banging his head once more, the scientist gave out a startled cry as something big crashed onto his skull and tumbled to the floor. After rubbing the sore spot, and glaring as he thought about how life knew how to kick him while he was down, Kowalski's glare turned to ones of glee as he looked down upon what had spilled onto his webbed feet.

"The Luv-U-Lator!"

Kowalski picked up the handheld device with one flipper, before picking up the box that was on the floor with another. He had forgotten, after Rico had smacked it out of his flippers weeks ago, that he even had it on the shelf above his workbench. At first he had not been in the mood to fix the circuitry after just completing it the last time, and then he merely failed to remember he had it there at all, as his focus was on other inventions and projects- most importantly the D.R.U.S.E. Kowalski took the rest of the equipment out of the box, as he practically danced in place from joy.

"This is it! Oh sweet momma, this was the answer I was looking for! The Luv-U-Lator can show me, and Rico for that matter, that his desire for romance is all fanciful follies! With this, there will be no need for doubt and second guessing- SCIENCE will tell us once and for all that it was not meant to be! I'd NEVER go against her!"

Kowalski was too excited to even think of the alternatives. Going straight to his tools, the inventor grasped onto his toy and he took a screwdriver to its frontal panel.

* * *

The occasional whine and hiss of a supposed soldering tool was the only sound in penguin HQ for the next two hours, and the sudden exclamation from deep inside the lab made Private jump. Skipper merely turned a half-interested gaze toward the door.

As expected, the lab door swung open just then, and there stood Kowalski, struggling to hold up a large pink device that looked vaguely familiar to Skipper.

"I've done it! It's repaired! ... Again!" Kowalski cried, plunking the thing down on the floor and sighing in relief.

His commanding officer studied the thing in his flippers critically, scratching his chin. "Great, it's fixed! What the heck does it do?"

Kowalski's excitement was dampened by Skipper's question and mock enthusiasm, and he frowned. "Doesn't ANYONE remember the things I create?!" He sighed loudly and let it go. "This is my Luv-U-Lator. It calculates a pre-selected target's ideal mate, according to..." he could see he'd lost both Skipper and Private by this point, and he shrugged. "You know, science-y stuff."

Realization dawned on Skipper's face, and he glared. "Isn't that the monstrosity that told us that Marlene's perfect match was Fred?" he enquired, wrinkling his beak.

"Well, yes, but-"

The penguin leader stood , nearly knocking the chair over, and Private whimpered. "Well, it was dead-wrong then, what makes you think it has any merit now?" Skipper challenged.

Kowalski stepped back, and cleared his throat. "I uh, I fixed it! I pinpointed the reason for its malfunction, and I spent months working on changing how the thing works entirely! Besides..." The tallest penguin suddenly looked somber, perhaps even jaded, as he took a few steps into the center of the room. "Its original purpose was to prove once and for all, using cold-hard, undeniable SCIENCE, that Doris the Dolphin and I were meant to be something special." he'd spat the marine mammal's name out venomously.

"But THIS time, it's to serve another purpose entirely! My Luv-U-Lator will prove to everyone, that this insane notion of luuuh..."

"Love?" Private offered. Kowalski pointed at him with a grin.

"Yes! It will prove that it wasn't meant to be, simple as that! Not even Rico can deny scientific evidence."

"Doesn't Rico ignore the rules of science and logic all the time?" Private whispered to Skipper, who nodded.

"He sure does, Private, he sure does."

"Just need a saliva sample, aaand..." the Q-tip was dropped into the machine, and it beeped to life.

"EUREKA! It works! And apparently my ideal mate is..."

Kowalski gulped, his voice taking on a whiny tone. "On its way to this very location..."

"It?" Private questioned, furrowing his brow.

Skipper nudged him in the side.

"Shush! This is getting good!" he said with a chuckle.

All were silent in the room, as the tension became thicker and thicker. For Kowalski, it became so thick you could cut it with a butter knife and slap it with fish paste. If he had the capability of sweating, he'd be drenched. He stared at the monitor with so much intensity, he pretty much felt like his eyes would pop from its sockets. The little arrow on the screen was getting closer and closer, first in the zoo and then coming to their habitat. Kowalski felt his breath get caught in his lungs as his Luv-U-lator showed the dot right on top of the one that indicated himself. And his head jot up when he heard the hatch open with a clank.

All turned around when Rico plopped to the ground, Mrs. Perky in his arms bridal style.

Kowalski felt like his heart would burst from his chest.

"R-RICO?!" He cried in a squeak. He looked down at his monitor to confirm his suspicions. He was growing dizzy. The room was spinning as the analyst tried to collect himself. "You're...You're.."

Kowalski found himself giving out a shrill shriek. The other penguins covered their ears as the scientist kept up the cry, even as he flailed his flippers wildy. He found himself, in his hysteria, throwing the newly fixed invention, as he ran back to his lab and shut the door. The last thing they heard was the clink of the metal door being forcibly locked.

Rico, confused by what had just happened, turned to the others as he frowned.

"What uhs 'aht about?"

Skipper found himself laughing, even as he tried not to. But the situation was so ridiculous, he couldn't help but let lose his mirth. Private, meanwhile, twiddle his flippers awkwardly.

"Well, uh...I think Kowalski is just upset because he has made a new scientific breakthrough he, um, wasn't quite expecting." Seeing the weapons expert become even more confused, the youth gave him an encouraging smile. "Let's just say I think you and Kowalski will turn out peachy keen!"

* * *

Midnight went over the zoo in a hush murmur. The zoo residents huddled together, if they could, as the winter winds continued to blow past them. Those without shelters shivered, as the snowfall fell upon their sleeping forms. Inside the penguin HQ, sounds of sleep could be heard as the oldest and youngest members of the base slept the night away. The howling winds did not bother them, and in fact, seemed like a lullaby to their unconscious senses.

Rico, however, was not lucky enough to find rest. Just like the many nights before, he stared at the top of his bunker as he clutched his teddy bear. Petting his stuffed animal was enough to give him some comfort; however, it was not enough to take away the ache he found himself with. It was the same ache he had been feeling for the longest of times, as his nights were spent between looking at the top of his bunk and searching the darkness for the door towards Kowalski's laboratory. The scientist had remained locked up in his lab since the moment he returned, and no one had seen nor heard any peep from him. Not even the sounds of science could be heard, as Rico found he could usually hear a whirring of a saw or some other tool cutting the silence of the night.

That night….there was nothing.

The hefty penguin jerked his head towards the door, however, as he heard the lock undo itself and the door creak open. Rico's curiosity only intensified when he thought he detected a familiar voice coming from the same direction.

"Psssst...Rico? ...Are you awake?"

Cautiously, Rico whispered into the darkness, "Yup." Or, he tried to; the explosives expert still lacked the ability to whisper, really. There was a pause, and the hefty penguin tilted his head, listening closely for more.

Finally, it came.

"Ah, I thought you might be. Could I... see you in my lab, for a second? It'll only take a moment. Presumably."

Rico was out of bed and on his way to the door, happily, before stopping and doubling back to return his teddy bear to the bunk, laying it down and patting it goodnight, before rejoining Kowalski, who stepped back inside his lab, and Rico followed.

The psycho penguin took care to close the door quietly, so as not to wake anyone, and when he turned around, Kowalski was just standing there, looking at him, more like an insect under a microscope than as a friend. Rico tried his best to keep his smile up, but it didn't reach his eyes; he couldn't even bear to look back at the scientist.

The seconds ticked on, and to Rico each one felt like an hour under that analytical gaze. He jumped and he did look back, however, when his friend finally decided to break the painfully awkward silence. When he did, he noticed his stoic expression and stance had melted away, and the guy looked nervous... maybe even afraid.

"Rico...if you'll permit me, I'd like to try an experiment. For data collecting purposes only, I assure you."

It was evident the scientist was trying his best to keep his voice leveled and professional, and had it been anyone other than one of his team members, he may have pulled the ruse off without a problem. But Rico sensed his trepidations.

Rico shrugged; Kowalski's nervousness somehow gave the hefty bird a dash more courage. " Geh'so."

The flipper tips that were suddenly tracing the sides of Rico's face melted his beak into a deep frown, and his eyes shot open wide, flicking to the flipper, and then back to Kowalski repeatedly. He couldn't have moved if he'd wanted to; not even his lungs seemed to want to keep working.

'So this was a test of control, huh' thought Rico. Kowalski wanted to make sure he could control his urges around the guy before he decided to trust him again. Well, Rico wasn't one to run from a challenge so easily. He could do this. He remained perfectly still, and uttered not a sound.

That barely lasted as the touches moved down his sides, and Kowalski stepped closer- bolts of electricity shot up Rico's spine, and he drew in a gasp. Whoops. His flippers shot up to cover his own beak, and he mumbled something from behind said flippers that may or may not have been an apology.

Kowalski remained silent, as he brought his arms back to his sides. The weapons expert watched with interest as the scientist's blue eyes stared back at him. Something was going on in that brain of his, as Rico could easily see his eyes twinkle with thought. Eventually- Rico didn't know how long they had been staring- the scientist seemed to come out of his own world as he looked away. The analyst held his breath, before whipping his head back to the penguin in front of him.

"May I, ah," Kowalski paused, as he was trying to find his voice again. "May I try something else?"

Rico had lost what little voice he had, as he merely nodded his head. He was afraid if he opened his beak, the wrong words would come out. The scientist took this as an indication of consent as he began to lift his arms again. Though the hefty penguin found himself staring into those deep pools for eyes, he could see from his peripherals that Kowalski's flippers were shaking. He didn't have time to question it, however, as he suddenly found the light touch of flippers on his face once more. The left cupped his cheek, as the right lightly caressed his scar. Rico, despite how hard he tried, could not contain the shiver that went up his spine. The weapons expert closed his eyes; shame started to eat at him as he realized he was probably failing whatever test the analyst was giving him. Shame rippled into yet another pleasurable bubble inside him, as the flipper on his scar trailed down under his meaty chin and gently tilted his head upward.

Rico's eyes shot open as he suddenly had Kowalski's beak locked with his own.

Oh, he just wasn't playing fair, now.

Somewhere, in the dark recesses of Rico's twisted mind, where years of psychosis had buried the part of his psyche that housed logic and reasoning, alarms were going off, telling him not to react; that it wasn't worth setting them back months of repairing a friendship that had been torn asunder by this very thing in the first place.

But it went ignored. In fact, every thought other than "Kowalski" was being ignored at the moment, as Rico's flippers wrapped themselves around his friend's upper back, and kissed back with vigor, which elicited a surprised grunt from the scientist.

Rico could feel Kowalski tense up and flinch when the psychopath's tongue shot in and grazed against his own, and the hefty bird broke the kiss, never letting go, but pulling back and grinned wide at the analyst, licking his own beak with a slurp.

Kowalski was panting now... but it was more likely from just nearly being suffocated than from passion, however doing his best to offer a crooked smile. He cleared his throat awkwardly and opened his beak to speak, but all that came out was a surprised squeak as he was pulled closer, and Rico began nuzzling his neck, much like back in the tunnel... but this time, he didn't stop.

"R-Rico...' Kowalski was shaking, and even the weapons expert could feel the scientist's pulse racing as he nuzzled his neck. " I...I...Stop for a moment, would you? A guy can't THINK when you're doing that!"

The taller penguin's cry made his friend freeze with a sudden jolt. Oh...oh no. He did it. He really did it this time. After trying so hard, after doing everything he could to control himself...Rico looked up at the penguin in fear, as he began to pull himself away.

Realization dawn on his face, as Kowalski identified what had caused the look of panic on his teammate's face.

"Ah, n-NO!" He cried out again, as his arms that were on Rico's shoulders suddenly found themselves wrapping around the weapons expert's neck- trying to prevent him from leaving. Kowalski took a deep breath, as Rico's panic turned to confusion, as he repeated himself. "No, Rico. I didn't mean...that is to say, um, you didn't do anything wrong. Admittedly, while I wasn't expecting your reaction...I also, quite frankly, didn't think that far ahead in the possibility that my theory was, indeed, correct."

Kowalski apparently noted the blank expression on the hefty penguin's face- telling that Rico didn't quite get it- before smiling. He averted his gaze, as the weapon's expert could see his faint blush under his feathers grow into a more vibrant hue.

"I suppose, what I am saying is, when it boils down to it," The analyst looked back at him, as Rico felt the fluttery feeling intensify as he took in the intoxicating look of sheepishness on Kowalski's face. " I..I rather enjoyed it. Immensely so."

A short pause... and Rico pulled away completely, standing back, practically glowering, as his tongue flopped out the side of his beak. Emotional overload had temporarily short circuited the psychopath's brain, and he grunted a string of not-words, questionably.

"... Oh come on, don't make me say it!", Kowalski complained, flippers waving for emphasis.

Rico blinked, but otherwise, didn't move. The scientist slouched, flippers hanging limply by his sides now, and looked back with a very annoyed, defeated expression.

"Fine. Rico I luuuh."

Kowalski cleared his throat and tried again. "What I'm trying to say, is I luuh. Love. You?"

The glower vanished from Rico's features, and Kowalski found himself scooped up off the floor, and spun around once, before they were heading toward the lab door.

"What-where are you- we- going?"

"Bed!"

"Ah, yes, of course, bed. To sleep."

Rico didn't reply, as they reached the door.

"Rico?"

The door opened and they were half way to the bunks, when Kowalski hissed, "RICO!"

"Heh heh."

Kowalski was still expecting some sort of answer, as the hefty penguin easily lifted him into his bunk. He attempted to try speaking again, this time more firm and with demand, when he next found Rico climbing into the bunk and on top of him. Rico could hear the scientist's heart pounding in his chest, as he looked up into the crazed blue eyes above him; the weapons expert leaned in once more. Kowalski shuddered as he felt the weight shift and press against him, as he held his breath.

What he didn't expect was a gentle nuzzle, as he heard Rico whisper in his ear.

"Nigh'y night, 'Walski. 'Ove oo, too."

Kowalski became less tense, as he finally relaxed under the heavier penguin. He sighed, as he placed a flipper on top of his new mate's back. Rico brightened up when he heard a perfectly soothing whispered reply.

"Goodnight, Rico."

It would not be the last time this exchange was had, as the couple would find themselves sharing a bunk for many years to come. Sometimes it was sincere, and other times they would shout out the cries in anger- after getting into yet another argument. But, no matter what, their talk of love would still hang off of every word- always being as genuine as the time before.

However, that was a story for another day. As eyes were closed, long eventful weeks having taxed on their poor bodies and minds, all that was known was this:

It was the best sleep they had in the longest of times.

* * *

**.:THE END:.**


End file.
